Besides be a ring bearer, what else can a little boy do?

mojabunni · November 2010

In our families we have several little kids and I wish I could involve all of them, but that's not possible. Instead I think we (or at least I, lol) have narrowed it down to the following 3 groups of siblings:

One sister and brother (age 7, 8)
Two sisters (ages 6, 9)
Three siblings (one girl age 12ish, fraternal girl/boy twins age 4ish)

The eldest girl will be a Junior bridesmaid - that is the only thing that is confirmed so far.

But what to do with the others? This is what I am thinking so far:

The one sister (age 7) and the one female fraternal twin (age 4ish) can be flower girls
Two sisters (age 6,9) can hold the dress train...? (Does anyone do this?)
One of the boys can be a ring bearer (I am thinking the younger one)

...But that leaves my 8 year old nephew without anything to do, and I know he would be very sad. Can there be TWO ring bearers? I'm not sure that would work, especially with the 4-year age difference.

Excluding my 8-year-old nephew is not an option. The two fraternal twins may not care about participating but I was just thinking of avoiding sibling jealousy since their older sister will be a junior bridesmaid.

I don't think we are planning on doing a candle or sand ceremony or anything... We might do a "jumping the broom" thing...so maybe he could hold the broom?

Help! Thoughts? What did you choose, and what was your experience?

alehayes · November 2010

Junior GM? Maybe he could escort the JBM down the aisle. Or if you're having an outdoor ceremony, maybe he could pull the FGs in a wagon.

I also like PPs suggestion about handing out programs (or bubbles or petal cones or whatever you have to hand out).

Or, if he's mature for an 8-year-old, maybe he could be an usher? It might help to have him only help seat people he's familiar with.

Sarah5683 · November 2010

My eldest nephew will turn 8 the week before our wedding and we're going to have him as a jr. groomsman. He will walk between his two sisters (jr maids) down the aisle. Maybe that helps.

And, yes, if you have a train, people do have younger girls carry it...especially if it's outside or anywhere that the dress could get stained from trailing behind you.

aerinpegadrak · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_besides-ring-bearer-else-can-little-boy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:ebdf1795-c8ac-4275-b334-b4b42fa5c742Post:a702a13b-af10-46ef-9d1a-b66514e2c124">Re: Besides be a ring bearer, what else can a little boy do?</a>:
[QUOTE]Honestly, I would just skip child attendants entirely in this case. Just too complicated, and kids really add a difficult dimension to your ceremony. Just let them all come to the wedding as guests, and enjoy being their. If you MUST include all of these kids, I would just call them all child attendants and let them all process together in a big group. No real "job/role".
Posted by mrs.jesse[/QUOTE]
Agreed on all points. Once you've reached the point where you're trying to make up stuff for people to do, how is there any honor involved?

bablingbrooke · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_besides-ring-bearer-else-can-little-boy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:ebdf1795-c8ac-4275-b334-b4b42fa5c742Post:fdc736aa-5217-426c-ace5-2f83c2828dce">Re: Besides be a ring bearer, what else can a little boy do?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm with pp: skip children "in" the wedding altogether. That's a lot of children to wrangle on wedding day. Just let them be guests, and enjoy the ceremony and party afterwards. You're forgetting that being a guest at a wedding IS being included. Take a great photo of bride and grooms and all the kidlets after the ceremony. You'll have less stress and less expense if you don't try to add 7 people to your WP. (If they're in the WP, then they need whatever they carry, they'll need to be included in the RD, as will their parents.) You can save $$ and headaches by thinking "guest".
Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]
This. Save yourself the headache. Take pictures and dance with all of them. But for the love of your own sanity, don't try to come up with a job for everyone. The last thing you want to do on your wedding day is corral a gaggle of children.

belletop · November 2010

I think it's getting way too complicated. As pp's said just have them attend the wedding as guests.

Amisslis · November 2010

I also agree with PP. Children are unpredictable. Having one child attendant is complicated; I cannot even imagine trying to impose order on 7. My FI's absolutely adorable nephew turns 3 on our wedding day but we are not including him in any official capacity. If he feels like it, he will wear a kilt just like the GM (including his father). He will undoubtedly be the center of attention but will not be under any pressure to perform an adult role. I call this an all-around win-win.

mojabunni · November 2010

Ha... most people seem to say just dump the kids!? Idunno, I just don't really feel this way! We both like kids and there are many in our family...Certainly it will not be ME that is solely responsible for controlling them all! Maybe I'm not worried because I don't care about the ceremony being "perfect" - that and I don't like to be the center of attention. So if extra time is taken by the kids messing up and being cute doing it, I'm fine with that & I think it'll be endearing (we have 30 minutes allotted for our ceremony and I know we won't be using most of that). Also, a few of them have been involved in weddings before.

I appreciate the input though... We are not paying for the rehearsal dinner but I will have to think about how expensive it will get for who is (groom's parents). I don't think we had super expensive plans in mind, though.

bablingbrooke · November 2010

Hey, I love kids. I have 17 first cousins on one side, 15 on another. Love them to pieces. Not crazy enough to try to put them all IN the wedding. We had them all come as guests.

No one's saying leave them out of the day altogether, just don't try to find jobs for them in the ceremony. The guests won't find it endearing, and it will cause you more stress than joy. That doesn't mean they aren't a part of things, you just aren't trying to herd cats minutes before walking down the aisle. And yes, ti would be you controlling them, as it would be unfair to pass that responsibility on to anyone else.

Don't fall into the trap of overestimating how much other people want to be in the WP. Keep in mind that this includes greater expense for the parents and for you. If 10 different people are saying it's not worth it, it probably isn't worth it.

trix1223 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_besides-ring-bearer-else-can-little-boy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:ebdf1795-c8ac-4275-b334-b4b42fa5c742Post:f0b43a8c-56da-42cf-a331-48589800793e">Re: Besides be a ring bearer, what else can a little boy do?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ha... most people seem to say just dump the kids!? Idunno, I just don't really feel this way! We both like kids and there are many in our family...Certainly it will not be ME that is solely responsible for controlling them all! Maybe I'm not worried because I don't care about the ceremony being "perfect" - that and I don't like to be the center of attention. So if extra time is taken by the kids messing up and being cute doing it, I'm fine with that & I think it'll be endearing (we have 30 minutes allotted for our ceremony and I know we won't be using most of that). Also, a few of them have been involved in weddings before. I appreciate the input though... We are not paying for the rehearsal dinner but I will have to think about how expensive it will get for who is (groom's parents). I don't think we had super expensive plans in mind, though.
Posted by mojabunni[/QUOTE]

I never said "dump the kids". I said that they don't need to be included in your ceremony. I'm a mom of 3. I'm a MIL to two adored children-in-law. I've been a teacher for over 35 years: 23 of them teaching 3 and 4 year olds. I've been a youth group director, and a youth choir director. My whole life has been about children.

I still don't see a need to put them all in the ceremony. Let them be guests. Take adorable photos with them after the ceremony. But it's really hard to imagine, until you've been through it, how stressed and nervous you are in the hours just before your wedding. And trying to wrangle a passel of kids isn't going to lessen that stress or those nerves

'Please don't assume that because I don't see a need for children in a ceremony that it means that I don't care about kids. On the contrary, I care so much about kids that I prefer not to put them into situations that might be uncomfortable for THEM.

zitiqueen · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_besides-ring-bearer-else-can-little-boy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:ebdf1795-c8ac-4275-b334-b4b42fa5c742Post:f0b43a8c-56da-42cf-a331-48589800793e">Re: Besides be a ring bearer, what else can a little boy do?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ha... most people seem to say just dump the kids!? Idunno, I just don't really feel this way! We both like kids and there are many in our family...<strong>Certainly it will not be ME that is solely responsible for controlling them all!</strong> Maybe I'm not worried because I don't care about the ceremony being "perfect" - that and I don't like to be the center of attention. So if extra time is taken by the kids messing up and being cute doing it, I'm fine with that & I think it'll be endearing (we have 30 minutes allotted for our ceremony and I know we won't be using most of that). Also, a few of them have been involved in weddings before. I appreciate the input though... We are not paying for the rehearsal dinner but I will have to think about how expensive it will get for who is (groom's parents). I don't think we had super expensive plans in mind, though.
Posted by mojabunni[/QUOTE]

Gosh, who are you going to bestow that "honor" on?

rweiss07 · November 2010

I understand your dilema. My fiance and I have 4 nieces and 2 nephews- we are having 4 flower girls and 2 ring bearers (there are two rings) unless the older boy wants to be an usher

it can get complicated and expensive, but there are ways to make it work and I couldnt imagine not having them all in the wedding and I would never leave one out.

mojabunni · November 2010

Idunno... I appreciate the responses from everyone. I will think about it & talk to family members about it. The main thing I was worried about was the kids feeling uninvolved or neglected (especially if their siblings definitely will be involved like the Junior bridesmaid) but I will try to find out somehow if they really care very much. I do believe that my closest niece and nephew would be hurt and sad if excluded. Also though, I like these kids and I think they can manage well enough - maybe not the 3/4 year olds, but the older ones. FI has a very large extended family and they all love children, especially these kids, so I don't think anyone would mind helping out. I'm sure they'd all think it was cute.

mojabunni · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_besides-ring-bearer-else-can-little-boy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:ebdf1795-c8ac-4275-b334-b4b42fa5c742Post:f756d58a-6256-4b45-a957-5b28b7d00b3d">Re: Besides be a ring bearer, what else can a little boy do?</a>:
[QUOTE]I understand your dilema. My fiance and I have 4 nieces and 2 nephews- we are having 4 flower girls and 2 ring bearers (there are two rings) unless the older boy wants to be an usher it can get complicated and expensive, but there are ways to make it work and I couldnt imagine not having them all in the wedding and I would never leave one out.
Posted by rweiss07[/QUOTE]

Thank you! Someone who understands...let us know how it goes. :)

Besides be a ring bearer, what else can a little boy do?

Re: Besides be a ring bearer, what else can a little boy do?

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