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October 2012 Weddings
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you did NOT just say that!

catwinecatwine member
500 Comments Third Anniversary
in October 2012 Weddings
i got a text from my dad this morning saying he'd like to bring his mistress to my wedding.
he had an affair with a married woman about 8 years ago and has since left my family and continued an on again/off again relationship with his mistress.  when my dad asked me i replied by saying that parents on't get to bring a date to their child's wedding.  he said she isn't a date but i still said no. my mom was shocked he asked but i wasn't. 
my mom think the mistress put the squeeze on my dad to get her invited.

in my province of canada, if she were to show up at the ceremony she can be criminally charged with disruption of a private, religious ceremony.

so thats my day off to a happy start!
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Re: you did NOT just say that!

  • lehc723lehc723 member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Comments
    Holy crap! I can't believe he'd even ask! Wow!
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  • catwinecatwine member
    500 Comments Third Anniversary

    I honestly expected it.  He said she actually really wants to come, but I know she just wants to stir up trouble...she doesn't care about me or my family. 

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  • achiduckachiduck member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its
    I'm normally an advocate of the "you don't break up a couple no matter what" rule but she sounds like a piece of work.
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  • catwinecatwine member
    500 Comments Third Anniversary

    same, but that rule is thrown away for parents.  my mom isn't seeing anyone but she wouldn't expect me to invite them if she was.

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  • julzyjulzy member
    100 Comments
    Eeek! However, if they've been together seriously for 8 years I think it might be something to consider. 

    My mother wanted to just bring a random date to the wedding and I told her no but thats because she's not in a serious relationship.
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  • catwinecatwine member
    500 Comments Third Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2012-weddings_you-did-not-just-say-that?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:56b9bcef-1e34-456e-81f5-cfaa107456b2Discussion:05e6d05b-e1f9-461b-ac31-f73a8e4e50c5Post:29e3eaba-3bd5-4df2-9c00-3886a9914d47">Re: you did NOT just say that!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Eeek! However, if they've been together seriously for 8 years I think it might be something to consider.  My mother wanted to just bring a random date to the wedding and I told her no but thats because she's not in a serious relationship.
    Posted by julzy[/QUOTE]

    they haven't been together consistently.  they lived together, then he left her.  he dated someone else, went back to her.  dated someone else, went back to her...it's a never ending cycle!!  I'd rather risk hurting my dad\s feeling than my moms...inviting this mistress would be so disrespectful to my mom and she doesn't deserve that.
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  • julzyjulzy member
    100 Comments
    I understand why your mother would be hurt and obviously you know your family dynamics better than anyone. Certainly better than I do.

    However, my father started dating my stepmother before my mother and I even moved out of the house... but it was 20 years ago and I don't call her my father's mistress. She's his wife. You know?  Even an on again off again thing... 8 years is a long time...

    I'm just saying at some point she's no longer your father's mistress. She's his partner. 

    It's your wedding though and bottomline, it's your decision, no one elses.
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  • AEPerpeteAEPerpete member
    100 Comments
    That's a really sticky situation.

    You're supposed to not split a couple up. If I were in your shoes though, if I didn't care about my relationship with my Dad or whether my Dad came or not, I wouldn't invite his girlfriend.

    If I wanted my Dad there though....that's a different story.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker image 95 Invited
    image 70 Are ready to party!
    image 10 Will be missing out!
    image 15 Are MIA!
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  • StrongCatStrongCat
    10 Comments
    If you Father was married to the former Mistress I think that would be one thing, but in this specific case I would say it is absolutely not required to invite her.  If this is the women with whom your father cheated on your mother - I think it would extremely disrepectful to your mother to invite her to your wedding.  This is not a case of your Father left your Mother and Re-Married - which case I would say you must invite her.  

    If I was in your shoes it would be a firm, unyielding NO to your Father.  If he does not come to your wedding over his mistress - that is his choice and you should not feel like you did anything wrong.  
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