Invite Mormon Mom?

Re: Invite Mormon Mom?

• Options

  saracait member

  

  April 2010 edited December 2011

  Your wedding day is about you and your partner. Invite her to the reception and see what happens...if she's amenable then take it one step more. However if she makes a fuss and starts with the lecture, then look at backing out of the invitation. Sometimes family members can surprise you...whether is a good surprise or not...well who knows?

  Report0 Reply
• Options

  2dBride member

  

  April 2010 edited December 2011

  Honestly, if you want any chance of a continuing relationship with your mother, you probably want to invite her to the ceremony.  Even if you only invited her to the reception, she would still know you two were married, so it's not like she could stay in denial. If she will be inclined to hate your FI once she figures out you two are an item, keeping her away from the ceremony won't help.  If anything, she is more likely to keep quiet at the ceremony (where there will, after all, be a service going on) than at the reception.  And knowing that there was a ceremony to which she was not invited would likely make things worse rather than better.
  
  Even if you invite her to the ceremony, she may not come.  Indeed, you could even say something like, "If attending would make you uncomfortable, we would understand if you decided not to."  However, at least she won't feel like she was excluded from something other family members were invited to.
  
  And the ceremony may even help.  I know that some people who started out not really believing gay marriage was necessary ended up so impressed by the care we put into our wedding that their opinions on the subject changed.  Even if your mother continues to believe that you shouldn't be married, being at the ceremony will give her more of a gut sense that you are.
  

  
  Our wedding bio page (including vendor reviews) and items for sale

  Report0 Reply
• Options

  abubs member

  

  April 2010 edited December 2011

  That's good advice, thanks. I honestly don't think she would be comfortable coming to the ceremony, but she might come out of obligation. The reason I debate not inviting her at all is because I know she won't be happy and I fear that will ruin my day because I'll be worried about her.  I should probably start with telling her we're getting married first and see how that goes and take it from there...

  Report0 Reply
• Options

  kristend72

  

  April 2010 edited December 2011

  My dear, it isn't just 'your day' and unfortunately, it doesn't occur in a vacuum. The choices you make will have lasting repercussions. I think that, in the long run, you will want to know that you have done everything you could to have a relationship with your mom. You're getting married and you need to put your big girl panties on and deal with it.
  
  Go to her house at a time where you two will have some time to talk and make some cocoa or something. Then you have to tell her that you and FI love each other very much and that the two of you intend to marry her and make a lifelong commitment to each other. Tell her the things you love about your FI and all of why you want to marry her. Then invite her to the ceremony and to be part of the planning. Tell her how happy you would be for her to be there with you when you get married and for the reception but also tell her that you understand if she respectfully declines and that you won't love her any less if she just can't come. There will likely be tears. Remember that, in her mind, she really is worried about your eternal soul. It's not just that she wants to be a b****. Do what you can to find a way to compromise. Is her bishop cool at all? Anyone from the church that could help her accept you as you are? You don't want to be the one reminding her about opportunities for repentance, forgiveness, baptisms for the dead or anything - because you have nothing to repent for - but maybe she'll feel better if someone from the church talks to her about that and reminds her of the church's emphasis on family and that Jesus would want her to maintain a relationship with her daughter and bla bla bla. Whatever will help her gradually accept it.
  
  After the initial drama dies down, try to walk the delicate line between involving her in this important time in your life and pushing her too much. Maybe leave her out of things like venue, food, and loads of wedding talk but be sure to invite her shopping for your wedding day outfit (I don't know if you're doing a dress or skirt or which) and just tell her that you know she isn't keen on the whole thing but that you have always wanted to shop for your wedding with her.
  
  It's a really hard situation but do everything you can to try to maintain a good relationship. Let us know how it goes.
  
  PS - Since we're not talking about this in person, I want to clarify that it's not a nasty, 'put your big girl panties' on thing but a sisterly one more like, 'this sucks but you've gotta handle it' and how we all wish that weddings could just be the fun stuff in magazines - the love, the outfit, the food, the music - and that it sucks that they are always infinitely more complicated than that. 

  

  Report0 Reply
• Options

  DLJ050577

  

  April 2010 edited December 2011

  I think you need to invite her and give her the option of attending only the reception.  If it was me, I'd have a conversation with her which started off "I know you are not happy discuss my romantic life, but I need to tell you that FI and I are getting married in September.  We'd really like for you to be there, but if you don't feel you can, we will try to understand.  Please know that if you chose not to come, it is your choice.  We would like you to be there.  If you'd like to go to the reception only, you can certainly do that instead".
  
  Not inviting her just seems wrong to me.

  Report0 Reply