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African American Weddings

AND SO IT BEGINS....

We mailed our "Save the Date's" a couple of weeks ago for our October wedding. It is 100% Destination. We did the magnets & they turned out great. There is a link to our wedding website with all of the necessary info. A couple of friends that I see frequently did not get theirs for some unknown reason. I am not sure if the envelope was so small that they got lost or if its just that doggone USPS ! Anyway, I texted a couple of my other friends, to make sure that had received theirs, one replied back with "Yes I sure did, will definitely be there ! Are you excited ?". I texted back expl that I was excited & that I was just checking because a couple of friends didn't make it to their mailbox for some reason. I also text, "I can't wait to see you guys (meaning her & her hubby)". She texted back, "Yep I got it, Mom said she is coming with us too !" Now this friend moved to a city for her job a several years ago. Her mother sold her house and moved to the same city a couple of years after that but got her own house, she just wanted to be closer to her grandson. I do know her mother well and she is a nice person, but I don't have room for her & did not consider her as part of the guest count. Also, I had assumed that since her mother lives in the city she now lives in that she would have no trouble getting her mom to keep her child who is like 11 or 12 while they travel for the wedding. Long story short, we don't have room to invite the children of all of our friends and assumed that many would be happy to have a weekend getaway without their kids in fact, a large majority of our friends are looking forward to it for that very reason.  It's New Orelans and the French Courtyard can only hold so many people. Now I am wondering since she thought it was OK to just add her mother to the guest list, that she also thinks it's OK to bring her child ? I mean if she her husband and mother are out of town, who is keeping the child ?The website FAQ's state clearly that "only those listed on the invite can attend" to the Question " Can I bring a date/children" ? I alsoI made sure on the Save the Dates to write only the names of those that I intend to name on the invitation. I didn't respond to the text, because I was just stunned & did not know what to say, so I just let it hang in the air. Now I am going to have to pick up the phone  to call her & make sure she is clear on who is invited & why. I just hate to have to start this dance so early with people !!! 
I am so frustrated that people are not going to the website like I had hoped. The link is on the Save the Date, II don't know if they are waiting until it gets closer to check things out or what, but it clearly has these types of things spelled out. My worry is that people will make assumptions like these, without looking at the website or paying attention to who is listed on the save the date and book flights, reserve rooms, only to get the formal invitation & RSVP card which will only have those who are invited listed.  I can't believe that I am already stressing over this. I just forsee having to make a lot of uncomfortable calls from now until October.
Does anyone have any advice ? Is there something more that I could/can do ? 
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Re: AND SO IT BEGINS....

  • WOOOW sorry your going thru this and soo early, i would only suggest to said friend that you tell her to make sure she check out the wedding website before she books any flights or rooms to come to the wedding. But you can also let her know in a nice way that unfortunately you didnt include Mom in the headcount for guests to attend the wedding and you are already at your max for ppl that can come to the venue...i really HTH that has to be frustrating but why would she just assume that it was ok for her to invite her mom to tag along?!?

    Lilypie - H1jI


    Daisypath - MFL5



  • I just went thru this last night with a cousin. I told her I would invite her and her boyfriend. She says you inviting my mama too aint you. Im like uhhhh...well either you can bring boyfriend as a guest or mom. You pick. They are not blood family. Our moms worked with each other since we were born and her mom is my lil sis godmom but idk...sorry you going thru this. Just direct them to the site and let her know straight up if you have too..mom is not invited and neither is the kid..sorry !
  • Had the same thing happen to me yesterday. I guess everyone feels like a wedding should be a family reunion. I simply replied that due to space and budget we could not host everyone we would have liked to have come. Only those on the guest list already are invited. What is it with these people
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_and-so-it-begins?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:4387556a-2a01-4a83-b052-a167c428a949Post:2702d0ca-ebbb-4a28-9550-764cb5149460">Re:AND SO IT BEGINS....</a>:
    [QUOTE]Had the same thing happen to me yesterday. I guess everyone feels like a wedding should be a family reunion. I simply replied that due to space and budget we could not host everyone we would have liked to have come. Only those on the guest list already are invited. What is it with these people
    Posted by leatba[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>
    </div><div>Yeah, I would just call her and tell her you don't have room for additional people over the original guest list. Good luck!
    <div>
    </div><div>@ Leatba- I know what you mean about the family reunion. One of FI's aunts RSVP'd for 5. Yes, you read that right. I had FI call her and tell her, um, no. You get 1 guest, so you better pick who you want to come. I have other relatives that think because they say they're not coming that they can give the invitation to someone else. The invitation is not transferrable! </div><div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_and-so-it-begins?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:4387556a-2a01-4a83-b052-a167c428a949Post:61148abb-78aa-474f-8622-7869436d0a43">Re:AND SO IT BEGINS....</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:AND SO IT BEGINS.... : Yeah, I would just call her and tell her you don't have room for additional people over the original guest list. Good luck! @ Leatba- I know what you mean about the family reunion. One of FI's aunts RSVP'd for 5. Yes, you read that right. I had FI call her and tell her, um, no. You get 1 guest, so you better pick who you want to come. I have other relatives that think because they say they're not coming that they can give the invitation to someone else. <strong>The invitation is not transferrable! </strong>
    Posted by fancywright2[/QUOTE]

    <div>lmbo at the transferrable invite lol lol...now that was truly out of line smh</div>

    Lilypie - H1jI


    Daisypath - MFL5



  • Really.... transferrable... WOW.. people just do whatever they want to do...

    I am having a destination wedding as well.. and I just want it to be under 50 people.. and with me it's a lil different.. since it's in Vegas.. I want people to be there for the wedding but i know people will be coming to have fun.. so just give me my night.. and then be about yours and go do you....

    But keep it underr 50 people...
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  • Thanks for the respectable discourse ladies. You have made some great suggestions. You know I got flamed for this post on the e-boards ! LOL But I expected no less. Evidently my FAQ's on my wedding website are rude and offensive ! 
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  • Sighs is all I can say/do to this. Folk will TRY you. Be firm and let them know, no matter how uncomfortable. Smh.
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