I was kicked out of the weddingparty, now invited back in...WWYD?

tigerlily25 · August 2012

About a week ago, my boyfriend's brother's fiance told me that she didn't want me in her wedding party anymore, for nothing more than evening out the sides as what I've come to find out. You can read the PP (link below) that I posted a week ago for more details, but now I got a really sincere apology and she said she feels horrible, and would be honored if I would still be he bridesmaid. I am all about forgiving and I dont want to dwell on it forever but I can't help feeling like she is only doing it BECAUSE she feels horrible. She very well may be my SIL someday, and I want us to have a close relationship. I told her I would think about it. What would you do in my position?

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_i-just-got-kicked-out-of-the-wedding-party-etiquette-advice-please

Loopyseven · August 2012

If you want to have a close relationship with her, accept her offer to rejoin the wedding party. If you're just over it at this point, don't. What does your bf say?

And why do you have a ticker that says zero days to go?

kmmssg · August 2012

Don't most people apologize because they feel horrible and know they did something wrong? If the apology was sincere then I'm all about forgiving and moving on. Life is too short.

If you would like to be in the wedding accept the invitation. Maybe she truly realizes how badly she screwed up and she is trying to make things right again.

tigerlily25 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_i-was-kicked-out-of-the-weddingparty-now-invited-back-inwwyd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6bebd053-dd5c-4420-bbca-df88526954d3Post:9ec18250-835a-4dc3-9045-ab7c0f5e917f">Re: I was kicked out of the weddingparty, now invited back in...WWYD?</a>:
[QUOTE]If you want to have a close relationship with her, accept her offer to rejoin the wedding party. If you're just over it at this point, don't. What does your bf say? <strong> And why do you have a ticker that says zero days to go?</strong>
Posted by Loopyseven[/QUOTE]

I joined TheKnot.com years ago when I was engaged to someone else. The wedding didn't happen and looking back I'm so glad it didn't. But I haven't been on TheKnot.com since then until I posted about this stuff, so I can't remember how to remove the ticker lol

loca4pook · August 2012

If I recall correctly, your boyfriend stepped down, too? I am guessing they were more concerned about having him involved so they inivited you back to get him back in the wedding right?

With that being said, if you want an amicable relationship with them long-term, I would probably just go with the lflow and say "I am fine with your decision. Don't feel pressured to ask me if you are worried I will stay angry. I will be happy being a bridesmaid if you want me to be there and I am okay not being one if that is what you wish" and leave it up to the bride to decide.

Avion22 · August 2012

I remember your previous post.

I agree that if the apology was sincere, then you should do your best to forgive her and rejoin her WP. If you don't think you can let this go (which I could totally understand), then just tell her that you are honored to attend her wedding as a guest instead of as a bridesmaid, and want to maintain your relationship with her as FSILs.

J&K10910 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_i-was-kicked-out-of-the-weddingparty-now-invited-back-inwwyd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6bebd053-dd5c-4420-bbca-df88526954d3Post:fe8678a6-8e27-4ff1-9496-8134a31fbf8d">Re: I was kicked out of the weddingparty, now invited back in...WWYD?</a>:
[QUOTE]I remember your last post. I think I'd decline to be in the wedding party. If it was me, I'd always kind of feel like the one that wasn't really wanted, and that's not a position I'm comfortable putting myself in. There's nothing wrong with being a guest, and I dthink you're well within your right to walk away from the WP stuff. I guess the real question is, what do you want to do?
Posted by 1covejack[/QUOTE]

All of this.

I'd say something to her like "I really appreciate your apology, and thank you for inviting me back into the wedding party. I think at this point, I'd prefer to just come as a guest, but if there's anything I can help with, I'd love to be of assistance!"

RebeccaB88 · August 2012

I think I'd probably leave well enough alone and decline to be in the wedding party. Even if the apology was sincere, I'd still feel like a second-stringer, and I just wouldn't be comfortable. Plus I'd always feel like I was risking getting kicked out again.

TLC1983 · August 2012

I would say it depends on what your bf wants to do. Not to be cynical but I would bet she only invited you back because her fiance wants his brother back on the wedding!

WildMagelet · August 2012

I think the real question is - what do you want to do? I would accept her apology if you think its sincere and offer to help out if she needs it, but I don't know if I would accept her offer to re-join the WP if I were in your situation, as the whole thing would leave a bad taste in my mouth and have me constantly questioning her motives.

mbrischoux · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_i-was-kicked-out-of-the-weddingparty-now-invited-back-inwwyd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6bebd053-dd5c-4420-bbca-df88526954d3Post:5fa0a3d7-86df-4296-b6a6-1f58192230dd">Re: I was kicked out of the weddingparty, now invited back in...WWYD?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think I'd probably leave well enough alone and decline to be in the wedding party. Even if the apology was sincere, I'd still feel like a second-stringer, and I just wouldn't be comfortable. Plus I'd always feel like I was risking getting kicked out again.
Posted by RebeccaB88[/QUOTE]

This, and I also agree with Stage that she's saying this because your boyfriend dropped out of the wedding and his brother wants him to be in it.

I stand by my previous suggestion...go to the zoo!

lcatterton · August 2012

I would tell her no. She made her bed, now she can lie in it. She's probably really hoping you accept her second invitation to be in the WP (so that she can put this whole mess behind her), but really how fun will that be? Dress shopping and possibly helping with other things, yet full well knowing she really doesn't actually care one way or the other if you were there with her or not. Don't give her the satisfaction of this problem being solved. Politely decline and be a happy wedding guest. Then, when your time comes, show her how this is actually supposed to work!

I was kicked out of the weddingparty, now invited back in...WWYD?

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