this is the code for the render ad
Community› Cultural Wedding Boards› African American Weddings
African American Weddings
New Discussion

Mother of the Bridesmaid!!! (Vent, opinions...) LONG.

WondersWonders member
100 Comments
in African American Weddings
My bridemaid who I love dearly sent a msg couple months ago and asked FI and I , if we are really sure we want her to be in the wedding party, and that we should pray about it and she wouln't be offended if we decide not have her anymore...Okay, that was a big " what in the world" moment  from both of us. We really love her and we have a very good friendhip and she was one the very first of the few people we asked to stand by us..Obviously we re-assure her that there's no doubt about our choice and why would she ask that? Her response was: " I noticed on your website that you guys have a lot of  friends and I'm just not sure why me, and if some of your friends will be fine seeing me on the altar and not them" Sincerely we were shocked and My Fiancee couldn't believe it. She is very closed to our family and our daughters just love her. 


Couple weeks later I called her and asked her if everything's okay because she's been all distant and that I really wants to know what's bothering her...She said she's okay, she is just busy with school and work etc... I know it was totally not  true, So I decided to pray about it. More I pray about it, more  I'm feeling that is probably about some of the people we invited that she doesn't quite like included her ex-fiancee and his family.

A little background: We actually met her through Fi childhood friend who was her fiancee at the time...i became very close to her, and Fi still have a normal old pal relationship with the guy...It was very clear to both of them that we don't take side in these situations. Both moved on and have each someone in their life. 

Now, I called her back and I asked her upfront if it is because of her ex and his family ( Sisters ...) that are invited she's acting sad all of the sudden ? ...and she said:
" Well I guess they are your friends and you have the right to invite anyone you want to your wedding " ... I got a little frustrated and soft at the same time and then I told her we should have probably thought more about her feelings before sending the website to them, and I'm sorry Blah blah "

She said, it's fine and that we can invite them if we still want though...and we both got emotional ( I apologize , she understood, she's happy etc and  she added : " My mom actually warned me about you guys in a way. She thought you were too different from me and that people like you only do stuff just to please people and they don't love them but they 're just fake and she cannot stand people like that...and she doesn't know why I am friend with you...I tried to told her that you are actually good people, but it's just that you know a lot of people...." and I said REALLY!!!!!! and she said, " yes..she thinks you are too nice to all people and she deosnt believe you are good people but you're just fake and she  cannot trust  you and FI etc..." She said, what she was trying to say is  we should think about what her mom said ....and she dearly still want to stand by me because she loves us very much etc...! Are you kidding me ?!
WOW !!! That's all I can say I couldn't even think...FI is very upset and couldn't believe the whole story and said the mom is out of the guestlist and in our life and he  doesn't even know what to think about the friend ( By the way, the mom  has always beenvery  nice to us and very friendly) 

I just prayed all day about the whole thing. I didn't know what to think...
I needed to  vent...

This was really long! Sorry.

Report Reply to Post

Re: Mother of the Bridesmaid!!! (Vent, opinions...) LONG.

  • mahoganieyesmahoganieyes
    Ninth Anniversary 2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Whoa! I wish people sometimes leave a convo between them and that person and not the whole world. Now you have to be on pins and needle when around her mom because she said that bullcrap. What was the purpose of telling you? Really not sure what can I say but pray. There is so BIG issues going on here with your friend. Might be insecurities???


    Get your Pregnancy Tickers

    Baby Gender Predictor


    Report Reply
  • WondersWonders member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Thank you Mahoganieyes... I don't know how to handle the whole issue and yes...We need to really pray about this...This is all weird and new for me. She said she believes her mom has the wrong image of us, but again, it might be because we have too many "friends" and that we are too nice to people, and the fact that we are inviting "some people" to the wedding, confirm what her thinks of us . Hummmm..Reading myself, I see why FI is even more upset than his normal self. He thinks this is soooooo jugmental and bulshit!

    Report Reply
  • mahoganieyesmahoganieyes
    Ninth Anniversary 2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011

    How many friends does her mother have? Sounds like none! Her mother reminds me of highschool...girls arguing over very immature things. I would care less how many friends you have, just be a good friend to me. Yw!



    Get your Pregnancy Tickers

    Baby Gender Predictor


    Report Reply
  • WondersWonders member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_mother-of-bridesmaid-vent-opinions-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:33354a71-943f-4e97-bfe2-74a8bbd3eeebPost:80bc9682-c310-4017-9f14-f2d84bd59736">Re: Mother of the Bridesmaid!!! (Vent, opinions...) LONG.</a>:
    [QUOTE]How many friends does her mother have? Sounds like none! Her mother reminds me of highschool...girls arguing over very immature things. <strong>I would care less how many friends you have, just be a good friend to me. Yw!</strong>
    Posted by mahoganieyes[/QUOTE]

    <div>This !!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you!!!!!</div><div>
    </div><div>
    </div>
    Report Reply
  • lil01lil01
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Sorry you're going through this. Your friend's mom is entitled to her own opinion, but if your friend believes you & your FI have been good friends to her, that's all that matters. I do understand feeling like "wow" about the mom since she has always been nice to ya'll. Hopefully ya'll can get past this & there's a positive outcome.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    Report Reply
  • AprilflowerUNCAprilflowerUNC member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    How old is your bridemaid? I ask because the conversation with her mother just seems so childish. It would make one feel like maybe she is expressing her feelings to you but disguising it as though that is how her "mother" feels.

    Honestly, this is your wedding and you should invite people that love you dearly. Remember that if you are dealing with these types of issues now, without addressing them completely, you will be dealing with them during your special day.
    Report Reply
  • WondersWonders member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Aprilflower, My bridemaid is 31 and I'm 30...I'm totally with you  when you said, we should invite people that loves us dearly! That is one of the reasons we think she shouldn't be on our guestlist...Do you all think we should let it go and care less about what she thinks of us? For me, it doesn't matter what she thinks about us (now) because apparently she deosn't count. Thanks for listening ladies
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards