FMIL- major issues rant

euscher · July 2012

bump

kmmssg · July 2012

The MOST importanant quesion right now is, exactly what did your FI say to his parents about all this BS?

Loopyseven · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_fmil-major-issues-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:a9771cd6-f433-4b3d-b8ec-6e015cb86bd8Post:bcf6497a-9de5-45cd-b10a-99872bd7df0a">Re: FMIL- major issues rant</a>:
[QUOTE]The MOST importanant quesion right now is, exactly what did your FI say to his parents about all this BS?
Posted by kmmssg[/QUOTE]

<div>Yes, this.</div>

Wiscisbliss · July 2012

And, if they don't think there is anything to celebrate, they really shouldn't come to the ceremony either.

LetsHikeToday · July 2012

So your fiancé tells you all these shitty things they say about you??

LetsHikeToday · July 2012

Ive never been in a situation like this so I'm sure it's easier said than done but if his parents are causing him to have panic attacks, he should probably stop talking to them. If they don't respect him (your relationship included) then they don't deserve to have him talk to them.

Loopyseven · July 2012

If they've only met you for 2 minutes, what do they have to criticize about you? They only have what your FI has told them?

Loopyseven · July 2012

They sound small minded and judgemental. I'm sorry you have to deal with that. Is your FI ready to wash his hands of them? I wouldn't even want them at the ceremony if that's how they feel about it.

avsfan33 · July 2012

Ditto everyone else. I wouldn't invite them to the ceremony either. Save yourself some unnecessary drama.

Simply Fated · July 2012

They have been doing this for ten years and he's only now just ready to give up on them?

What deos your FI say when they start in on you?

Loopyseven · July 2012

If he's been able to split time between your family and his for family events, why haven't you gone to more of his family stuff?

MrsL2014 · July 2012

I agree that something is weird about 2mins in 10 years. If they are extremely judgmental people I guess I could see it. If this is really what is going on I say that it is time for him to give them up or figure things out, he needs to stand up for you and stick by your side. Because 1 of 2 things will happen. They will learn to except you and have you as part of their family or they will lose all contact with their son and possible grandchildren.

My FI knows I have some issues with the way his parents do things and it hasn't came to these to options but we have a deal of if they come to visit or we go visit them if they make rude comments about us or others we leave or they leave.

We went to visit one time and all we heard was them call their other son a retard. This is not acceptable to us and it was time for us to leave. They are doing a better job of not using that kind of language around us.

Simply Fated · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_fmil-major-issues-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:a9771cd6-f433-4b3d-b8ec-6e015cb86bd8Post:606da9ee-a810-46e1-9d43-e5dcff9abdc7">Re: FMIL- major issues rant</a>:
[QUOTE]Not behind, his (he's jewish) relgious holidays are the only days he goes to see his family and I don't mind that and other holidays like thanksgiving he splits the days up and even spends my family holidays with me (my family's catholic).
Posted by euscher[/QUOTE]
The question still remains, though...<div>Why don't you spend any of the holidays with his family? Why don't you go over there for Passover or for part of Thanksgiving?</div><div>He's splitting the holidays and spending your religious holidays with you, why aren't you reciprocating?</div>

Simply Fated · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_fmil-major-issues-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:a9771cd6-f433-4b3d-b8ec-6e015cb86bd8Post:491b4544-9729-4c47-b33d-103d32fc23e6">Re: FMIL- major issues rant</a>:
[QUOTE]@ ILoveMilkDuds I guess I should explain the reason I spent so little time with them is because they didn't want to see me ... I was once told if I stepped foot on their property that I would be arrested. They wanted nothing to do with me I honestly wanted to meet them and spend time with them. In fact the first and only time I was in the room with them, my FI mother excused herself from the room.
Posted by euscher[/QUOTE]
All because your family has less money than their family? I feel like this is a John Hughes movie, except more drama and less comedy...

euscher · July 2012

Yeah it does sound like a movie doesn't it..... my FI and I kid around about it when we need to lighten things up.

I've never done anything to them to my knowledge and not sure why they hate me, nothing about them is reasonable to me and even our counciler is at a loss for words when it comes to them.

Loopyseven · July 2012

If my FI was told by my parents that if he stepped foot in their house they'd have him arrested, neither one of us would be going back.

LittleMissCutiePie · July 2012

From what I'm reading, your FI sounds like a bit of a doormat. I'm scratching my head over why he allows them to do this. If my FI's parents treated me in such a way, he wouldn't put up with them for one more second. Especially if they were causing him so much stress.

lauralaur · July 2012

I don't know why they would not have outright said this if it is the case, but is it the religion? Are they upset that their son has chosen to marry someone who is not Jewish? That would not excuse their behavior, certainly, but might explain at least why they have been so impossible. I agree that it is time for your fiance to walk away from his parents and should stop attending family events solo. It only reinforces your FIL's behavior.

chelseamb11 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_fmil-major-issues-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:a9771cd6-f433-4b3d-b8ec-6e015cb86bd8Post:3d3da3fd-bff6-44d5-8d02-607dbce3edb1">Re: FMIL- major issues rant</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't know why they would not have outright said this if it is the case, but is it the religion? Are they upset that their son has chosen to marry someone who is not Jewish? That would not excuse their behavior, certainly, but might explain at least why they have been so impossible. I agree that it is time for your fiance to walk away from his parents and should stop attending family events solo. It only reinforces your FIL's behavior.
Posted by lauralaur[/QUOTE]

I was wondering the same thing. Unless these people are completely psychotic, I feel like there's no way they could hate you after only meeting you twice in ten years.

Regardless, he needs to stand up to them for you, which sounds like cutting them out of his life.

Simply Fated · July 2012

I'm in an interfaith relationship, too. I love it because there is never any issue as to where we'll be spending the religious holidays lol.

As for the secular holidays, or semi-secular, like Thanksgiving, based on what you've told us, your FI is encouraging their behavior. They have learned that they can say what ever they want to you and he'll still come back and spend the holiday with them, even though you're not invited. It's terrible to make someone "choose," but in this case, he already chose. They made him choose and he chose to keep coming back.

Honestly, I think your bigger problem is with your FI. Actually, your FI has a problem witrh his family. They put him in the middle and he's taking it up the ass.

willywally5 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_fmil-major-issues-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:a9771cd6-f433-4b3d-b8ec-6e015cb86bd8Post:b0006156-d69b-4f3d-b4f7-94fd27f1549a">Re: FMIL- major issues rant</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm in an interfaith relationship, too. I love it because there is never any issue as to where we'll be spending the religious holidays lol. As for the secular holidays, or semi-secular, like Thanksgiving, based on what you've told us, your FI is encouraging their behavior. They have learned that they can say what ever they want to you and he'll still come back and spend the holiday with them, even though you're not invited. It's terrible to make someone "choose," but in this case, he already chose. They made him choose and he chose to keep coming back. <strong>Honestly, I think your bigger problem is with your FI. Actually, your FI has a problem witrh his family. They put him in the middle and he's taking it up the ass.</strong>
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

<div>All of this, and especially the bolded. The in-laws sound like horrible, toxic people but your FI needs to grow a set and stand up to them. If he won't, I'd run for the hills! Guaranteed it will continue into all aspects of your life if he doesn't put an end to it now. </div>

Viczaesar · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_fmil-major-issues-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:a9771cd6-f433-4b3d-b8ec-6e015cb86bd8Post:464e0f70-ce79-4bb7-a8eb-98000c244ada">Re: FMIL- major issues rant</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm not leaving anything out I promise and can honestly say most people I meet seem to like me. I honestly have no idea what I did to make these people hate me I was only 18 at the time I started dating their son and I never been in any trouble, I'm just someone who was born and raised more or less in Fishtown in Philadelphia and the only reason we lived there was because my stepfather owns a barber shop there that is pretty successful and went to years of catholic school but don't really consider myself a catholic. My fiance regardless of how it sounds has had my back when standing up to his parents but they are his parents so its hard to cut ties with them and someone who has alot of losses in their life I understand that need to hold on but we've both come to our wits end. My mom and step dad think his parents are crazy and are ready for him to cut ties with his family and ready to welcome them into theirs.
Posted by euscher[/QUOTE]
So where does the threatening to call the cops on you come in?

kmmssg · July 2012

She deleted all of her posts that contained any details! Come on OP - deleting is very poor form here. Seems to me people were telling you what you needed to hear rather than what you wanted to hear.

FMIL- major issues rant

Re: FMIL- major issues rant

Choose Another Board

Search Boards