I love my mother but... (time to vent)

futuremrsbruno · May 2012

I love my mother and could not be more grateful to her for her generousity when it comes to planning this wedding. She and my dad have stepped in to take care of some things for us, and I'm forever grateful. However, the closer we get to the wedding, the more Momzilla she becomes!! Plus she's starting menopause so she can go from calm to crazy in about 2 seconds even when it's not about the wedding.

Here's a brief rundown of some of the things I'm talking about:
- when I did the invitations she insisted I order them and she would pay for them. Awesome. Then she insisted that they be sent to her house since she needs to know the count and I don't always get all of my mail. Okay. FI got upset because he wanted to open the RSVP's himself (don't ask). Said something to mom who went crazy and said she absolutely HAD to open them because they needed to see who was coming. (Um, you need a number, not a name).
- anytime she asks about what I've been working on wedding wise and I tell her about my newest To Do list or DIY project, she slams it. What is wrong with menu cards? "They'll eat what we picked and that's it". Okay, I know that, but don't you think it would be nice if they knew what their dinner would be?
- Seating arragements. HEAVEN forbid we attempt to put both families on the same side of the ballroom. THE HORROR!! Have not touched this in several weeks, but am preparing to do battle... and win..

The closer we get to the wedding (currently 66 days) the more I want to strangle her. in the most loving way of course. Someone PLEASE tell me this is natural and tell me she will stop before I have to go all Bridezilla on her, which I really don't want to do!

ket25 · May 2012

It's very nice that your parents are helping to pay for your wedding, but with that comes strings. You are now feeling the effects of those strings (coupled with menopause, I remember when my stepmom went through it...it was rough!).

It sounds lame, but just try to keep your wits about you and don't fly off the handle with her. That would make the situation even more difficult.

Good luck!

dmiller9274 · May 2012

I agree with your mom on the RSVP cards. If she's hosting, they should be returned to her. Also, if you don't get all of your mail, I would think it'd be a terrible idea to have them sent to you.

The other stuff sounds really minor.

futuremrsbruno · May 2012

Thanks! My mom and I have the same temper, which I think makes this all the more difficult. When my parents said they would pay for the dinner portion of the reception and we said we would pay for everything else, I didn't really think there would be strings attached. Clearly, i wasn't thinking straight!!

ket25 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_i-love-my-mother-but-time-to-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:01f1dffa-db84-4db9-9560-2e396c68b718Post:3d9dadab-7225-43f0-ac7a-4e36d2e8b2e6">Re: I love my mother but... (time to vent)</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks! My mom and I have the same temper, which I think makes this all the more difficult. <strong>When my parents said they would pay for the dinner portion of the reception and we said we would pay for everything else, I didn't really think there would be strings attached.</strong> Clearly, i wasn't thinking straight!!
Posted by futuremrsbruno[/QUOTE]

With money, there are always strings. You will get through it though and I'm sure your day will be wonderful! Then hopefully all the headaches will seem worth it. :)

Nebb · May 2012

Its YOUR DAY!!! Just do what you want.

LP11509 · May 2012

My parents hosted/paid for our reception. It never occurred to me to NOT have to RSVPs sent to their house. To me, it just makes logical sense to have the RSVPs sent directly to the host to minimize chances of things getting lost/miscommunicated with a middleman in the picture.

I get that you want to know who is coming. What we did was set up a Google doc with the guest list shared between my mom, H, my ILs and myself. Whenever my parents received an RSVP, she updated the Google doc with that information. It was way easier than sending a separate e-mail each time they got an RSVP, and it kept us all in the loop.

futuremrsbruno · May 2012

Hmm... didn't think about that. I was going to set her up with the guest list manager tool. She's pretty good on the computer, but somehow I see that getting messed up.

I guess I'll just have to grin and bear some of it. it's only 66 more days! And only a month before the RSVP's are due in...

Thanks for listening to me vent. And for those who understand where I'm coming from. It amazes me what weddings do to people who are usually sane!!

LP11509 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_i-love-my-mother-but-time-to-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:01f1dffa-db84-4db9-9560-2e396c68b718Post:3d7aeaf4-4405-4f96-a351-3fdb868fb70d">Re: I love my mother but... (time to vent)</a>:
[QUOTE]Don't use the Guest List Manager Tool on TK. It sucks.
Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

<div>Ditto this. The Google doc worked really well for us. I recommend giving it a shot if you all have Gmail/Google accounts already.</div>

futuremrsbruno · May 2012

i may try to find something different. I hate google docs. I don't know why but no matter what I do, it never works out properly for me. I feel the same way about excel, and that's after I learned the ins and outs of it in college.

So far, the knot's tools have worked without fail. Everything is there, all the time. I have a paper back up just in case. My dad and my FI work together, so right now my dad just gives my FI the RSVP cards at work and he brings them home to me. It's not a perfect system, but it works.

I am nervous about how she's going to be when we are decorating the day before. Dear Lord, if she's anything like she's been I may have to sedate her or something. I just don't want her to decide she's in charge and change everything I have going on in my head. Any advice from those who've dealt with moms the day before?

tiffanychuvalas · May 2012

IMO you should compromise on the RSVP's. Have them sent to her house but have her leave them in a basket or bag or something so that you can open them together once a week or so. CHances are you are seeing each other a lot anyway right now. Plus, you just have to decide what is really truly important enough to fight about right now. Everyone is stressed- that's normal. And if you feel a fight coming on, stop and breathe, and talk about why you feel the way you do and why shee feels the way she does and that try and come up with a compormise. Not always easy, I know.

michellesean · May 2012

I know how you feel. My parents are helping us out as well, and I'm extremely grateful!! When they told us how much they wanted to help though, FH warned me that they would hold it over our heads and I kind of just brused it off. Well, he was right and it feels like everything that I want to do for the wedding gets slammed. I'm the only daughter and the first one out of my immediate fam to get married so I get it, but we just have such different tastes and such similar stubborn attitudes. It's going to be a long year.....

I love my mother but... (time to vent)

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