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rsfan23rsfan23 member
Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
in New York
I have a question/dilemma that I need your advice/opinions on. My FI & I are paying for a majority of our wedding. (My mom is paying for flowers and my dress and FI parents and my dad are contributing lump sums for us to use) They voluteered to do this.

 I know that etiquette states that we should not ask people to help us with the wedding. I don't mean financially, I mean like help with favors, decor etc. This is where my question comes in.  I would like to have my FMIL help me in some way, and I don't know how to put it to her. She was really excited to give FI the addresses for our STDs and is not the type of person to volunteer help, but I'm sure would love to help me out.

I'm not sure how to approach this.  Do I ask her? Do I have FI ask? OR do I just do it all myself?  I don't mind doing everything, but I'm sure she'd love to help with some part of the wedding.

TIA  Smile

PS  I can take what ever advice you give me! I asked for opinions/advice! :)
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Re: Question

  • kevinandmonica2011kevinandmonica2011 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Help you with what?
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  • rsfan23rsfan23 member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    opinions and ideas for decor, favors, rehearsal dinner, etc.
     I have pretty much all of the big stuff completed.
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  • kevinandmonica2011kevinandmonica2011 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Are you asking for help because you need help... or because you want to include her in the process?

    Either way, I think it depends on your relationship with her.  If you think it is something she would enjoy (either just to do or to spend time with you) I would just ask her yourself.  I would start out small... maybe ask if she would like to come look at X with you (flowers, dresses, linens... whatever) and see how that goes.

    Do you tend to agree on lots of stuff?  If you do... great!  If not, I would just save myself the headache b/c it really might end up being more trouble trying to include her than it's worth.  Totally depends on the woman.  Some FMILs are very opinionated and would really make the experience a nightmare rather than a bonding one.  I'm sure you (or your fi) know which of the two it would be.

    If you don't think it's something she would be into... maybe ask her once everything is done if she would like to see how it turned out just as a nice gesture, but don't push it  (OR ask her to help with something that you don't care much about... so if she disagrees, it's no big deal).

    I wouldn't have fi ask if it is something just the two of you would be doing together.  Makes you look like a chicken.  Tongue out  If you're going to ask... just ask her yourself, but be polite and maybe even a little sneaky (hate to say it) about it....  "Would you like to see some of my centerpiece ideas?"  not "Will you help me with my centerpieces?"  Once she comes over to check them out you can kind of get a feel for whether or not she would like to jump in and help.

    Sorry... not a solid answer to your question, but hope it helps give some ideas.
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  • crystaldes1029crystaldes1029 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    My advice is ASK! Shes going to be your new MIL and if you aren't asking for something that will really put her out whats the worst that can happen... she says no? 

    If shes a normal MIL she will be excited that you thought of her when needing advice/help with your big day.
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  • rsfan23rsfan23 member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    That does help Monica! I want to ask to include her in the process. Our relationship is good. I haven't spent a lot of time alone with her, but I'm sure she'd be okay with it if I was to ask her for her opinions. I was thinking of asking her like what you said 'what she thought of my ideas'. Good point about not having my FI ask.

    Crystal-Thanks too! I will ask her!  I just wanted to get opinions.

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  • kevinandmonica2011kevinandmonica2011 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Happy to help!  I wish my FMIL lived closer (sometimes... ONLY SOMETIMES.... lol) so we could do girly bonding stuff like this.  Other times I want to choke her through the phone.  Wish my mom lived closer too.  lol   I feel like they are missing out on a lot... well... me too I guess.  Frown  You are making me miss my mommies!!!  lol
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  • rsfan23rsfan23 member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    awww, I feel you! My mom lives in New Hampshire, so I don't see her all that often. Chad's mom lives only 1/2 hr away, so she's close, and my step-mom lives 2 1/2 hrs away up north, so I get it.

    It's hard not having my mom here to help plan, but I'm glad I get to talk to her on the phone.  I was able to see her this past weekend, so that makes me happy.
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  • kevinandmonica2011kevinandmonica2011 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    My mom is in Florida.  Frown    Kev's is in Pittsburgh... we see them every few months.  Yay for moms.... but boo for having them so far away.

    Think I'm gonna start a post about moms tomorrow to kill some time during work.
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  • DondadaTimes2DondadaTimes2
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    You guys wanna borrow my mom? Im sure Joshs mom would be more than welcome to help too! Im becoming a taad overwhelmed with all their "help"

    People are inherently stupid. Weddings make it painfully obvious -- KevinandMonica
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  • kevinandmonica2011kevinandmonica2011 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Lol.  I have like 3 or 4 ladies at work who offer to play mom.... but its just not the same.  lol

    Nice try though... trying to pawn them off on us.  slick.
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  • crystaldes1029crystaldes1029 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    My mom is DEF up for grabs... my MIL tho is pretty cool so i'll keep her.
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