Dad or Stepdad dilemma.

futureDaniH · March 2012

So I need your opinion here lovely's. I have read lots of posts on the which dad dilemma and still cant seem to find one that makes me fell 100% about it.
You see I am close to my biological Dad and he has been there all my life just 6 hours away unfortunatly. But I lived with him all through high school and my 1st year of college. My dad has been really sick for almost 9 years now and hasnt been able to do much in the last 4 years. He now is in ok health and I don't know how much longer it will last. While my stepdad I have known since I was 5 years old. I did live with him and my mother k through 8th and now live nearby and visit frequently.

So here's my problem. I love my dad and really want just him to walk me down the aisle and preferrably just him in my father daughter dance. But will compromise to dance with both dads. But my mother wants me to just dance with my stepdad in order to include him. He and I don't really see eye to eye on much, he is nice but passive aggressive towards me and my mom doesn't see it.

Should I just stand up for myself and do what I want?
or
Should I try to be polite and respect what my mother wants?
My stepfather has a daughter of his own that he can walk down the aisle when she's ready. So is it too mean to say you only want to spotlight YOUR dad?

user1222 · March 2012

You shoud go with the first option: Just stand up for yourself and do what you want.

keaton1790 · March 2012

I am in kind of the same situation. My dad was in an out of my life until I had my son almost three years ago. Now we see him regularly and he plays a part in our lives, he even is helping with my wedding. My grandparents raised me so I felt I should have my grandfather walk me down the aisle, but the more i thought about I am the only daughter my dad willl have this chance with, where as my grandfather has done it before. What I am doing is having my dad walk me down the aisle then when we reach the end of the row my grandfather will stand up and join us the rest of the way. This way they both will be giving me away. As for the dance, I would do what makes you happy. It is your day after all. My mom hates that I am doing a dance with my dad but it is what I want. Good luck!

lulu4150 · March 2012

it doesnt sound like your very close to your stepdad. Its your day do what YOU want. You dont need to please anyone but yourself and your fiance.

Bay21 · March 2012

I agree with PPs, just stand up and do what you want, whether it's dancing with both dads or only your own dad. Your wedding is about you, and these kinds of moments are about honoring and including the people that you care about and have been there for you. And, just by reading your post, it is obvious that is father, not so much your step-dad. If your mom is upset about your decision to dance with both just explain to her how you feel about it, and kindly remind her it is your wedding. Good luck

AurorasEnvy · March 2012

So your mom wants your dad to walk you down the aisle, but only your stepdad to have a first dance with you?

I'd do like you said, and stand up for yourself - but sometimes you have to compromise a bit so I'd dance with both of your dads.

LauraChristin · March 2012

Dance with both dads. It is absolutely ridiculous that Step Dad needs to be honored by being the only "dad" to dance with the bride. The fabulous thing about love and kindness is that you don't have to take it away from one person to give it to someone else. Meaning why should you have to take love away from your dad by not dancing with him to honor your step dad? I'd be so annoyed with my mother if she suggested that.

Lisa50 · March 2012

Hmmm ... it sounds like your stepdad is more your mother's husband than a father figure. Have your biological father escort you down the aisle. I'd say skip the father/daughter dance altogether or split it: the first 1/3 with your stepdad and the last 2/3 with your biological father.

Good luck!

hose85 · March 2012

i suggest asking yourself 10 years from now looking back at your wedding day what would you have wanted. and then go with that. it's hard to know but i think on things like this we have a sense on what we'll regret and not regret...good luck!

smmessinger · March 2012

I chose both. My daddy is very active in my life and has been but my stepdad has been in my life since I was 5 as well. He didn't have the oppurtunity to walk his daughter down the isle. So I will be walked down the isle by both and an uncle who steped in when my daddy couldn't be there. I am just having one walk me in to the other and then the next will walk me to my daddy where he will give me away. That way it is still my daddy giving me away but no one is left out. And I have opted not to do a daddy daughter dance instead they will dance with their wives and I will dance with my husband. You have to do what makes you happy in the end

Dad or Stepdad dilemma.

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