Is there a 4 month curse on BM?

volleygurl0306 · May 2012

I'm just noticing how many of us are having issues with one or more BM. Maybe it is because this is the deadline for many BM dress orders? I always kinda figured people took it seriously when they agreed to be BMs but the verbal comittment and physical committments (like buying a dress or responding to emails/texts about hair and make up and timing or not flying in the day of my wedding) seem to be misaligned! I know I'm having regret on one of my choices and getting responses from them is near impossible on things I thought I was being considerate with. Bleh just wanted to throw it out there since it seems like every other post is about this. Some days I want to smack FI for insisting we have these huge WP....I just wanted a MOH and his 2 best men. At least we know this is a commonality!

mamameech · May 2012

It does seem like that eh?
I'm just thanking my lucky stars that I just have my sister who is as organized as I am and ordered her dress in November lol

volleygurl0306 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_is-there-a-4-month-curse-on-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:d4d15130-990b-4b39-8e0c-142a3bf6cc6dPost:4c7da920-9cce-427c-aeed-14f0faf3a0c6">Re: Is there a 4 month curse on BM?</a>:
[QUOTE]It does seem like that eh? I'm just thanking my lucky stars that I just have my sister who is as organized as I am and ordered her dress in November lol
Posted by mamameech[/QUOTE]

Lol I'm glad dresses weren't an issue either! My girls bought dresses months before my original March date so when we pushed back to September it was completely not an issue. It's coordinating the other stuff that's been a pain. You were smart to pick one dependable lady. Six has been chaotic...especially when a few of them are wonderful people but total flakes.

kwortman80 · May 2012

Yeah, the only one I was really having problems with was my sister. I found out that she wasn't responding to e-mails from my MOH trying to get her to give input on the dresses that MOH is having a friend of hers make for the BMs. But really, with that and some other stuff, she's just being my sister, which by now is all I can expect of her.

On the other hand, my FBIL's fiancee (also a BM) is waaaay more on the ball, and her wedding is coming up in a month. I figured she might be the flighty one about dress stuff, but I guess she probably gets that these things need to happen according to schedule.

My sister isn't flying in for the shower (even though my parents would have flown her) because she wants to save her vacation time for 'travel.' I have in the back of my mind that maybe they're planning a surprise, but I doubt it.

kelly126 · May 2012

Im totally having the same problems. Not with dresses because thankfully they ordered them months ago but with all the little details. My MOH actually told me shes was avoiding talking anything wedding related to me for awhile because she was jealous. We have been friends for over 20 years so it was really hurtful to hear that. My mother lives on the other side of the country from me so I've been basically doing this alone. And i definately hear the " they are great people but total flakes" aspect of it. It gets really hard sometimes and I hate that I get nervous if I have to ask 1 of them a question about makeup or hair. ACK!!! lol

And yes, its good to know that my BMs arent the only ones acting up!

CowgirlK39 · May 2012

Hahah very interesting that so many others are having issues. I think its something about weddings that makes people's differences really stand out. This is a time when you need to do something for the biggest event in someone else's life. I personally think these days too many people have gotten accustomed to getting whatever they want, whenever, so when a BM has to do what a BRIDE wants, the crap hits the fan. It really makes you see who your friends are though I guess... suppose instead of this being the best day of your life, this was the worst day of your life.... your friends sure would be there for you. Why they can't do the same for a good occasion is beyond me.

sparent2010 · May 2012

I just planned to plan my wedding myself from the get go. I swear to god everyone has a BM/WP story about something outrageous. I tried to stay away from the drama by literally just expecting them to pick up a dress.

They say they want to help, but if they don't show up it is no big deal. Maybe my MoH is having more problems with them than I am, but I haven't heard anything.

Sometimes I think a lot of drama arises from jealousy but I also think that people put in a ton of expectations from their friends. They already have to spend time and money for my wedding I didn't want to burden them with additional, trips or extras that cost more.

jjswin · May 2012

I'm with you my FI and I are doing everything together, that way we don't have to worry about everyone else in our wedding party and I know it gets done when I want it to get done. I'm sure I may lean on them for small stuff in the end, just hope I don't have any issues. In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_is-there-a-4-month-curse-on-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:d4d15130-990b-4b39-8e0c-142a3bf6cc6dPost:1fc0f069-06e6-4c8c-b531-e0b304eb2b52">Re: Is there a 4 month curse on BM?</a>:
[QUOTE]I just planned to plan my wedding myself from the get go. I swear to god everyone has a BM/WP story about something outrageous. I tried to stay away from the drama by literally just expecting them to pick up a dress. They say they want to help, but if they don't show up it is no big deal. Maybe my MoH is having more problems with them than I am, but I haven't heard anything. Sometimes I think a lot of drama arises from jealousy but I also think that people put in a ton of expectations from their friends. They already have to spend time and money for my wedding I didn't want to burden them with additional, trips or extras that cost more.
Posted by sparent2010[/QUOTE]

Trins · May 2012

I think being the last one out of my friend's to get married has definitely helped in this aspect. All my BM's have been married so they all know what it's like to be the bride, the stress, and trying to coordinate everything. Thankfully, fingers crossed, no issues to date

And I think having the dresses custom made from etsy helped. They gave me their measurements and I just sent it all in - hassle free.

jodies68131 · May 2012

I am having serious issues with my FSIL, simply put...that b*tch cray, LOL. When my FI and started dating, he told me she was crazy and I didn't believe him. Well our wedding is certainly bringing it out in full force and effect. She hasn't ordered her dress, will not respond to text messages or facebook emails or even RSVP to my bridal shower. So I broke down and sent her an email this week, telling her that I was sorry for what I might have done to create the rift or extend the rift between us. She responded by telling me that she wanted to know what I did wrong, she has just been busy. So I responded by saying I didn't think I had done anything wrong, but I wanted her to be a part of our big day and it felt like she didn't want to participate. Now she says that she doesn't want to have this convo over an email and she would like to sit down with me and my FI to talk out our issues. AAHHHH! I just want to know if she is going to order her darn dress and be a part of the wedding or if I can just ask a friend that I know would love to be a part of our big day!

Sorry that is really long, guess I needed to vent

CowgirlK39 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_is-there-a-4-month-curse-on-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:d4d15130-990b-4b39-8e0c-142a3bf6cc6dPost:d114138f-f7aa-4352-a026-a7be2210620e">Re: Is there a 4 month curse on BM?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think being the last one out of my friend's to get married has definitely helped in this aspect. All my BM's have been married so they all know what it's like to be the bride, the stress, and trying to coordinate everything. Thankfully, fingers crossed, no issues to date :) And I think having the dresses custom made from etsy helped. They gave me their measurements and I just sent it all in - hassle free.
Posted by Trins[/QUOTE]

You're lucky. I am the first of any of my friends to get married and i think that's the biggest issue in it all. I sort of agree with Sparent... some brides do have ridiculous expectations, or need to be a bit more laid back in general. However, I tend to think that if any of my friends were getting married, especially close friends, I would offer help simply because they are my friend. I cut my BMs a lot of slack because they are almost all OOT (MOH is moving OOT next month). But when they can't even do anything about a dress? That's a bit ridiculous.

we2012 · May 2012

Posts like this make me grateful that I chose not to have a big wedding party. My cousin and her husband will stand with us, and four of my friends will be hosteses. I told each of them that they can back out if they needed to and there wouldn't be a problem. I don't expect much from them except that they find a chocolate brown cocktail dress of their choice and help out the day of the wedding. Everything that they do will be practical, like seating guests, calling to confirm attendance etc. If they can't do it, then I can always ask someone else to do those duties. I don't care about having a certain number of people standing next to me wearing the same dress just for pictures.

Is there a 4 month curse on BM?

Re: Is there a 4 month curse on BM?

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