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Can I give my mother an important role in the ceremony?

artemis908artemis908
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in Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum
My parents divorced when I was 11 and I lived with my mother until I went to college. She insists that since I lived with her, that she should walk me down the aisle with my father. However, I have always been very close to my father and I would prefer him to walk me down the aisle alone. Does anyone have any ideas on any important roles I can give her in the ceremony instead? I was considering maybe asking her to walk in front of me, between me and my maid of honor... 
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Re: Can I give my mother an important role in the ceremony?

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    MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
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    Mothers are usually seated just before the processional, but you can put her where you want in the processional. 

    If you're doing a unity candle, the mothers usually light it. 
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    bbyckesbbyckes member
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    Yes, lighting the candles is a good suggestion.  She will have an important role: Mother of the Bride.
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    pandasquishypandasquishy member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_can-give-mother-important-role-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:987473e4-eea2-4354-9696-9cca89b583fePost:d83ab249-3d86-4a58-a371-c8d8214b64de">Re: Can I give my mother an important role in the ceremony?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Mothers are usually seated just before the processional, but you can put her where you want in the processional.  If you're doing a unity candle, the mothers usually light it. 
    Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

    <div>Ditto this.  Lighting the Unity Candle is an important role.</div>
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    TurtlesAllTheWayDownTurtlesAllTheWayDown member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_can-give-mother-important-role-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:987473e4-eea2-4354-9696-9cca89b583fePost:f4fe079f-ac1c-4868-a695-cfffac46c804">Re: Can I give my mother an important role in the ceremony?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yes, lighting the candles is a good suggestion.  She will have an important role: Mother of the Bride.
    Posted by bbyckes[/QUOTE]

    I agree with this. But then, I think my mom will be too much of a mess to be of any use during my wedding. :-)
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    luckyme502luckyme502 member
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    My SIL had her mother be her MOH, so there is that . 
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    beamer84beamer84 member
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    Ditto on the unity candle. We're actually doing a unity sand ceremony, since I hope to get married outside and I don't want the tapers to blow out. Our mothers will carry the sand down the aisle, as a symbol of our respective families. You can script your ceremony to play up the role of the candle-bearer so your Mom thinks of it as a more important part.
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    HSpears11HSpears11 member
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    I'm getting married in October.  My mom is my matron of honor.  They say you are supposed to have your closest friend as your MOH so thats what I did.  I'm totally steering away from tradition.  You don't have to do things just because everyone else does.  Your wedding doesnt have to be traditional, do it how YOU feel most comfortable and what makes you happy.  That's what I did!  :-)

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    artemis908artemis908
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    My mother and I get along well enough, but I wouldn't say we're close. We never got along when I lived with her and although I appreciate what she has done for me, I'd say she was never emotionally there for me or supportive of the things I have done, but she for some reason loves to take credit for what I have done with my life. But it's kind of hard to say to your mother "the reason I want dad to walk me down the aisle is because you were never emotionally there for me!". Anyway, I think one solution I have come up with is when they ask who is giving me away, to have her say "her father and I do". I hope that gives her what she wants...
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    MistKeeperMistKeeper member
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    I'm having an outdoor wedding and skipping the unity candle or sand. My FMIL will be second to last seated, and my mother seated last before the rest of the processional. I've elected to have both mothers do the two readings at the ceremony, so that all eyes will focus on them, as their both really important women in my fiance and my lives.
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    DavidandAmyClarkDavidandAmyClark
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    Have your mom do something with a unity ceremony like lighting the candle or tying a ribbon around something and even say a few words.  Just make sure you are being fair to your MIL.  I know the squeaky wheel gets the grease, but if you are breaking with traditional roles you should be fair. just a thought. 

    If you want your dad to walk you solo, insist on it.  It kind of sounds like she is asking you in a way that you owe her or something.  Just make sure you are gettin what you want as well as your familiy.

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