The oh, so, sensitive registry wording topic :)

sld0618 · February 2011

I'm putting a tab for the registry on my wedding websites...but I'm not sure if I should include some wording for it or just leave the icon that takes you to it. Something along the lines of please don't feel like you have to get us something, but since we know some of you would want to, we created a registry?!? I have NO idea.

What are you girls doing for it, or should I do something else?

kaesha · February 2011

This is what we said:

Clicky

mauilove2011 · February 2011

We set up a honeymoon registry for experiences only (not hotel, flights etc) and put the following wording on the wedding and registry website:

As we are having a destination wedding and it will be so expensive for our guests to attend, we really wish to emphasise that gifts are not expected. We are really excited that so many people are making the effort to come all the way to Hawaii for our wedding - we are so touched and grateful. We know some people have been asking about gifts however and for that reason we have set up a gift registry for our honeymoon. We will be on a very tight budget for the next year to make sure we get there in September so it would be really lovely to supplement our time there with some of the romantic experiences that make the location so special. We are registered with....

carrieoz_76 · February 2011

I think short and simple is definitely the way to go. The truth is that people already know they don't have to give a gift - that's why it's called a gift. We said something like "Your presence is a gift, but if you'd like to give us something else, we're registered at ___, and ____."

Some who attended gave a gift, some didn't. Some who didn't attend gave a gift, some didn't. People will do what's right for them.

kaesha · February 2011

I agree with Carrie. Keep it short. I find the longer versions tend to sound like you're trying to justify your choice to have a registry and that can make guests feel weird.

sld0618 · February 2011

We are really excited that so many people are making the effort to come all the way to Maui for our wedding - we are so thankful and blessed. We want to tell you that your presence is the best gift of all, but we know some people have been asking about gifts and for that reason, we have set up a gift registry at Bed Bath and Beyond. Since it's a destination wedding, we hope you won't waste your valuable luggage space by bringing a gift with you. Please feel free to bring it to the reception in Phoenix or ship it to us.

I jacked all of your girls' Too much? Just right? Thoughts?

cryssv · February 2011

We won't be putting any registry cards in our invitations ( I personally think it's tacky) and the only place we'll advertise that we are registered will be on the AHR website. I found some cutesy quote online and used it .......

"We value your presence at our wedding over your presents and do not expect to receive gifts. However, a number of people have inquired about what we would like. For gift suggestions you can visit one of the following stores for a list of our registry but please do not feel obligated."

carrieoz_76 · February 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_hawaii_oh-sensitive-registry-wording-topic?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:73Discussion:acc7e3cc-4399-4dff-bb36-7f0fa71a7790Post:5e11cf90-303f-44c9-adaa-376aa4136a56">Re: The oh, so, sensitive registry wording topic :)</a>:
[QUOTE]We won't be putting any registry cards in our invitations ( I personally think it's tacky)
Posted by cryssv[/QUOTE]
Agree 100%.

sld0618 · February 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_hawaii_oh-sensitive-registry-wording-topic?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:73Discussion:acc7e3cc-4399-4dff-bb36-7f0fa71a7790Post:b05b9f38-b5a4-421a-a34c-a2cd27790823">Re: The oh, so, sensitive registry wording topic :)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: The oh, so, sensitive registry wording topic :) : Agree 100%.
Posted by carrieoz_76[/QUOTE]

Amen. I thought it was really going away...but the last two wedding I've been invited to have had them in there!

Tanq&Tonic · February 2011

While we have registered at the following stores, your presence for our celebration is truly the best gift we could ask for.

The funny thing is that we've gotten a number of comments gently ribbing us for saying even that much.

mauilove2011 · February 2011

I think your wording sounds really good. That said, you're right, it is a very sensitive issue (from these responses I've been tacky and have made my guests feel weird), so I think just go with what feels best to you. All the weddings I've been invited to have included registry information (perhaps it is a cultural thing) and I don't feel that there is any significant difference between publishing it on a website or on paper. And it really does make it easier for older guests who don't use wedding websites (and because I am the first of my friends to have a website).

kaesha · February 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_hawaii_oh-sensitive-registry-wording-topic?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:73Discussion:acc7e3cc-4399-4dff-bb36-7f0fa71a7790Post:43fd0241-32fa-4782-948b-5eb735a42af8">Re: The oh, so, sensitive registry wording topic :)</a>:
[QUOTE]I think your wording sounds really good. <strong>That said, you're right, it is a very sensitive issue (from these responses I've been tacky and have made my guests feel weird)</strong>, so I think just go with what feels best to you. All the weddings I've been invited to have included registry information (perhaps it is a cultural thing) and I don't feel that there is any significant difference between publishing it on a website or on paper. And it really does make it easier for older guests who don't use wedding websites (and because I am the first of my friends to have a website).
Posted by mauilove2011[/QUOTE]

It's seen as much more tacky in North America than other countries (goodness knows I get them with all the English weddings we've been invited to)... but yes, it is usually seen pretty gift-grabby and a huge no-no etiquette wise to include it on the wedding invite. The line of thought re paper vs website tends to be more about immediacy. If it's included in the wedding invitation, it's like you're saying "You're invited and here's my wish list" whereas the website is more removed from the invitation. It doesn't have that same impact.

Of course, better than both is word of mouth, but when families are so spread out internationally, it's more challenging if those guests aren't in touch with your immediate family or wedding party.

Just for the record, I didn't say that you made your guests feel uncomfortable. I said that long winded explanations about registries *can* make guests feel uncomfortable, especially because we DW brides tend to want to address the expenses that our guests have gone to to be with us. The challenge with acknowledging the expense is some guests may interpret it as "if we don't give a gift, it's seen as because we don't have enough money". So, it's a difficult space to negotiate, because, obviously you want everyone to feel comfortable, which is why I really think the less said the better.

sparklegirl84 · February 2011

We have one of the last tabs on our wedding site for the registry section and simply wrote: your presence is present enough, no gifts are expected. Followed by.. We like: lowes & the target registry link

AKWinterBride · February 2011

Well gals, I am simply avoiding the topic. We aren't registering anywhere, and if people can't figure out what we really need ($$$), then we can go without a gift. Like everyone above, it's already such a gift that people are flying thousands of miles to be with us, I would feel like a jerk asking them to get us a gift. Plus, we've lived together for over 3 years, we have everything & more for our home.

kaesha · February 2011

AK - I think that's a great way to go. The only reason we registered was because I wanted the free champagne flutes that came with it. LOL!

The oh, so, sensitive registry wording topic :)

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