gonna throw up...

Vanessa630 · June 2010

I just need Knottie support.

FI has me checking his gmail because he contacted a hotel lady to block off rooms but he's not great with checking it every day and I'm an email addict. So, rather than me asking him everyday if so-and-so has gotten back to him, he just gave me his password.

SO, I just signed in and saw a friend request from facebook from his ex-girlfriend.

I feel like vomiting. I emailed him right away, clearly not mad, but just letting him know that I had signed on and saw it.

I know all the rational things to tell myself but I'm shaking because her name was right there. We've been together 7 years. I know it's not a big deal and it's history and he loves me but she was the more serious ex-gf in his past so now I can't stop shaking and I feel like I'm crazy.

KellyJayD · June 2010

Don't worry I would be the same way it's just startling. Just try to calm down and remeber you are his Fiance. I know it's tough when FI and I first started dating his ex-gf emailed him I found out and was upset but he assured me he wouldn't respond and it really was an innocent message nothing that crossed the line.
Honestly I would have told him too but then probly blocked her email HAHA!

SuMmErKuTiE · June 2010

It's ok.. I would feel the same exact way! I'd be shaking and my tummy would start doing flip flops as well. But remember he wants to marry you and he never made such a promise to her. I'm glad you guys were able to talk about it and he didn't get defensive. That sounds very solid and healthy to me! So give yourself a little bit of time to get over it and move on and smile remembering he's all yours forever and ever!

Vanessa630 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_connecticut_gonna-throw-up?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:65Discussion:0b78f27c-e3a8-4a39-8c12-a3c707739413Post:d24fc199-ee2d-4ee9-af29-f3e6a188ed11">Re: gonna throw up...</a>:
[QUOTE]It's ok.. I would feel the same exact way! I'd be shaking and <strong>my tummy would start doing flip flops as well.</strong> But remember he wants to marry you and he never made such a promise to her. I'm glad you guys were able to talk about it and he didn't get defensive. That sounds very solid and healthy to me! So give yourself a little bit of time to get over it and move on and smile remembering he's all yours forever and ever!
Posted by SuMmErKuTiE[/QUOTE]

<div>Exactly. I'm in the middle of class, checking email, not paying attention and all of a sudden my stomach does this HUGE turn and I have to pretend to care about community psychology</div>

Whippet8 · June 2010

also, remember that she friend requested him. Neither you or your FI can help that.

Salamandy24 · June 2010

It'll totally blow over. It's not like you found out they were secretly emailing each other. I did go through the same thing though a few months before FI and I were engaged. Ex had friended him on facebook and he accepted!! I don't know what he was thinking, but as soon as I mentioned it bothered me he blocked her right away. I felt so sick for weeks trying to get over it. In this case, he really seems he has nothing to hide. You have his email password and he couldn't have known she was going to friend him. Sounds like you have nothing to fear, fellow knottie!!

kls114 · June 2010

As much as the thought of that SUCKS take a deep breath! It is FB--a friend request is so common and could be nothing major! Yes, I get it I would freak out too! He has the right to not accept it & hopefully he will!!!

xoxox

Vanessa630 · June 2010

Thanks girls! You're all absolutely right.

He told me that he had the heads up from his cousin that she's been making the rounds, friending people, and that he had no intention of accepting.

I was just so startled to expect an email from hotel lady and, instead, see the ex's name.

It was so much mixed up emotion that I just needed to vent. It's not like I could be mad with FI because he didn't initiate anything. I was just sitting in class, unable to do anything so my first go-to was the Knot, haha.

starrbuk13 · June 2010

awwwwwwww im sorry that you had to see that! it sucks

i think your FI is reacting the right way though...being honest with you and not accepting her friend request. try to not think about it...it will blow over

SillyLGoose · June 2010

I know what you mean by that pukey feeling just by seeing the name in print. I wouldn't worry about it though. She might not mean any harm by it. Maybe she heard he was engaged and figured whatever went on between them is water under the bridge now. Or maybe she just wanted to check you out

I can't say I haven't facebook friended or messaged an ex. I didn't mean anything by it. It is a sensitive subject though. I have an ex that will randomly text me or facebook me and it drives my fiance crazy!

herb0622 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_connecticut_gonna-throw-up?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:65Discussion:0b78f27c-e3a8-4a39-8c12-a3c707739413Post:62df2560-7a45-4b91-8c08-bce8af1d0321">gonna throw up...</a>:
[QUOTE]I just need Knottie support. FI has me checking his gmail because he contacted a hotel lady to block off rooms but he's not great with checking it every day and I'm an email addict. So, rather than me asking him everyday if so-and-so has gotten back to him, he just gave me his password. SO, I just signed in and saw a friend request from facebook from his ex-girlfriend. I feel like vomiting. I emailed him right away, clearly not mad, but just letting him know that I had signed on and saw it. I know all the rational things to tell myself but I'm shaking because her name was right there. We've been together 7 years. I know it's not a big deal and it's history and he loves me but she was the more serious ex-gf in his past so now I can't stop shaking and I feel like I'm crazy.
Posted by Vanessa630[/QUOTE]

She was probably just being nosy. I would be upset, but I think I would have been more upset if FI requested her instead. I wouldn't worry about it :)

christikao · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_connecticut_gonna-throw-up?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:65Discussion:0b78f27c-e3a8-4a39-8c12-a3c707739413Post:b4d9dc58-f42a-4547-ba1f-616072c3b0de">Re: gonna throw up...</a>:
[QUOTE]I know what you mean by that pukey feeling just by seeing the name in print. I wouldn't worry about it though. She might not mean any harm by it. Maybe she heard he was engaged and figured whatever went on between them is water under the bridge now. Or maybe she just wanted to check you out :) I can't say I haven't facebook friended or messaged an ex. I didn't mean anything by it. It is a sensitive subject though. I have an ex that will randomly text me or facebook me and it drives my fiance crazy!
Posted by SillyLGoose[/QUOTE]

I agreed with SillyLGoose. I think as long as there are no residual feelings and they weren't like marriage serious then it's ok. It really does sound like she's just friending ppl she used to know. My FI is FB friends with two of his exs from his younger years (18/19, now he's almost 30) and I'm ok with it. I'm actually friends with one of them and FI and I were at her wedding last yr and she's invited to ours.

Jkab0922 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_connecticut_gonna-throw-up?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:65Discussion:0b78f27c-e3a8-4a39-8c12-a3c707739413Post:bb26adc0-5958-43cb-bc4a-f99a54cdc8da">Re: gonna throw up...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to gonna throw up... : She was probably just being nosy. I would be upset, but I think I would have been more upset if FI requested her instead. I wouldn't worry about it :)
Posted by herb0622[/QUOTE]

I agree, she was probably just trying to see what was going on with him. My FI was already friends with his college GF on Facebook when we met. We had one big fight about it because he was friendly with her and they e-mailed back and forth but once he realized it made me uncomfortable, he stopped.

Also, you can rest assured that you are not being crazy at all. I thought I was overreacting about FI talking to this ex, but then when he stopped talking to her, she called him to tell him she was still in love with him!! Luckily, he told her she was crazy and told me about the whole thing right away, but still...

starrbuk13 · June 2010

she probably WAS being nosy!! hahahaha i know i am nosy on FB alllllllllll the time, who isnt?!?

tashala107 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_connecticut_gonna-throw-up?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:65Discussion:0b78f27c-e3a8-4a39-8c12-a3c707739413Post:59fe256e-b91b-44e8-bd09-ed98509d241c">Re: gonna throw up...</a>:
[QUOTE]she probably WAS being nosy!! hahahaha i know i am nosy on FB alllllllllll the time, who isnt?!?
Posted by starrbuk13[/QUOTE]

This exactly! I am a self admitting FB snooper... I mean that's the point of it right??? She probably found out he was engaged and was curious. I think I'd be if an ex was engaged as well. But I honestly don't think you have ANYTHING to worry about. It was simply a facebook friend request. And since you guys have been together for 7 years, there's a good chance she probably hasn't really had contact with him during that time. I'd probably be a little annoyed initially, but I'd get over it, even if he did accept the friendship. I'd just make him change his profile picture to one of us... where I look really hot lol

Vanessa630 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_connecticut_gonna-throw-up?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:65Discussion:0b78f27c-e3a8-4a39-8c12-a3c707739413Post:55962a3f-92ca-41eb-b647-6d5c241b3238">Re: gonna throw up...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: gonna throw up... : This exactly! I am a self admitting FB snooper... I mean that's the point of it right??? She probably found out he was engaged and was curious. I think I'd be if an ex was engaged as well. But I honestly don't think you have ANYTHING to worry about. It was simply a facebook friend request. And since you guys have been together for 7 years, there's a good chance she probably hasn't really had contact with him during that time. I'd probably be a little annoyed initially, but I'd get over it, even if he did accept the friendship. I<strong>'d just make him change his profile picture to one of us... where I look really hot lol</strong>
Posted by tashala107[/QUOTE]

<div>hahahaha, his profile pic already is one of us. That's one of the first things I thought of :)</div><div>And you're right, I'm a HUGE snooper too. </div>

EStar73 · June 2010

I know this was a few days ago but I just wanted to say that I wouldn't worry about it if I were you. You and your FI are in a grown up committed relationship that is filled with love and trust. If you want a little perspective on how not important this friend request is I can tell you that my FI is friends with five of his exes. We see three of them pretty regularly and I am room mates with one of them. I understand that my FI began to date each of these women because they had a connection and that he stopped dating each of them because they realized that they were not suitable partners, however that doesn't mean that the friendship goes away. I am still friends with two of my exes as well. If the ex was a crazy bitch who was convinced that she should have married your FI then I understand the concern however if not then I would trust your FI to be able to handle relationships with women, even those he previously dated. I apologize if any of this came across in any way other than what I intended which was to help you feel a bit better about this situation and realize how not important it is.

smore154 · June 2010

Same here- Facebook ruins lives. Don't let it get in the way of yours.

gonna throw up...

Re: gonna throw up...

Choose Another Board

Search Boards