Can children be invited to the ceremony and not the reception?

akcrrr · April 2011

After much back and forth between my fiance and I and his family we have decided to include his nieces and nephews as flower girls and ring bearers in the ceremony. I do not want to have children at the reception partly because if I have one I have to invite all of them (which would be 15-20 or so) and I wanted to give the parents a break where they can really let loose and enjoy themselves. My future MIL says that is totally unacceptable and that those 4 children need to be invited and I should just not invite any of the other kids (which happen to be on my side of the family.) Did any of you have this problem? What should I do?

uppereastgirl · April 2011

How old are these kids? That sounds like a very bad idea. Why would they want to go to a ceremony where they have to sit quietly and be bored? That isn't very fair to them.

And how does it solve any problem? They still aren't invited to the reception, which is the much longer event.

If your reason really is that you want to give parents a break so they can let loose, I'd just invite the kids. Parents can decide whether or not they actually bring them.

maddie7 · April 2011

I feel those in the bridal party should be invited or you should provide babysitting. I had those in the bridal party and they were fine. 20 kids is to many to have at a wedding, it sound ridiculous.

cutiepie12702 · April 2011

That is completely unacceptable. Everyone in the wedding party must be invited to the reception. You do not have to invite every single child to the reception, but wedding party members including the flower girls and ring bearers you do. People understand when only the flower girls and ring bearers are invited, so don't stress about what the other parents will think.

altimat873 · April 2011

Im not a fan of children at weddings, especially at formal events where adults get dressed up and will be drinking etc. I just dont think its for me. I am having an adults only reception and I am inviting immediate siblings kids only, thats 7 kids but my brother wants a night out and already has a babysitter in place and the youngest , who is the flower girl, is having her grandma (my FSIL's mother) take her home after reception introductions.

I think its perfectly OK to decipher and limit the children invited or not invited, but many people will differ.

akcrrr · April 2011

I guess one of my big issues is that I did not want children of any kind at the wedding in the 1st place. We are having a black tie optional reception and I only agreed to having ring bearers/flower girls because it was causing WW3 with my fiance and his family. I know that my family is a bit pissed off to begin with now because it is 4 children from his side of the family and none from mine in the bridal party (I have 6 children on my side that are of that age) and if I bring his family's kids to the reception without inviting mine I will never hear the end of it. I guess I just don't want to get anyone mad but I want to make sure I do the right thing!

mbcdefg · April 2011

No, you cannot invite someone (even a kid) to the ceremony but not the reception.

Yes, it's O.K. to say that the only children allowed at the entire wedding will be the kids in the bridal party. If your family has a problem with that, oh well, they don't have to come if they feel so strongly about it.

Are the other kids (aside from the four you are talking about) also nieces/nephews? If not, you have the perfect excuse ... nieces/nephews are allowed, but that's where you make the cutoff (no cousins, friends' kids, etc.).

JoBell123 · April 2011

I disagree with most PPs. In our wedding party we have our nephews (5, 3 & 2) and my cousin's daughter (5). The reception is going to end at 12:30 or 1am. Our siblings have already told us that they wouldn't want to deal with sleepy kids during the reception, so they don't want them coming.

I spoke to my cousin, and we decided that the FG, her 8 year old sister and their 16 year old cousins would come to the ceremony stay for a bit of the cocktail hour, than go back to the hotel where the teenagers would baby-sit the younger ones.

Our reception is 21+ and my cousins kids actually asked if they could come to the ceremony since they want to see the family. No one has a problem with any of this.

Smidger · April 2011

I had a similar issue with my wedding when we first started planning. My 3 little cousins are in the bridal party, but their parents decided that they don't want them staying for the reception. Since they decided that, we then made the decision that we aren't inviting any other children because we would have the same issue (15-20 kids attending). We made our age cut-off highschool because that made it easy when explaining to people.
How we are working it with the 3 little girls in the wedding is that they will come with us to the reception site to finish taking pictures. They will eat dinner during cocktail hour (7-8pm) and then walk in at the reception so we get them on video having their moment. Around 8:30 my Aunt's parents are going to pick them up and take them home.

HobokensFury · April 2011

Children in the bridal party need me be invited.

mbcdefg · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_can-children-invited-ceremony-not-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:6257099c-9aa9-4770-b417-91c3b93c85b3Post:8edf623a-b2ce-4945-ab0a-77c879d81c1f">Re: Can children be invited to the ceremony and not the reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]I disagree with most PPs. In our wedding party we have our nephews (5, 3 & 2) and my cousin's daughter (5). The reception is going to end at 12:30 or 1am. Our siblings have already told us that they wouldn't want to deal with sleepy kids during the reception, so they don't want them coming. I spoke to my cousin, and we decided that the FG, her 8 year old sister and their 16 year old cousins would come to the ceremony stay for a bit of the cocktail hour, than go back to the hotel where the teenagers would baby-sit the younger ones. Our reception is 21+ and my cousins kids actually asked if they could come to the ceremony since they want to see the family. No one has a problem with any of this.
Posted by JoBell123[/QUOTE]

But the difference here is that they ASKED you if they could do this. It was their choice.

Etiquette-wise, no, it's not at all proper to invite someone to the ceremony but then tell them that they are not welcome to the party.

kristen8040 · April 2011

My niece is the "flowergirl" and is 18 months. My sister and brother-in-law decided to have her come to the ceremony and then go to his brothers afterwards so they could enjoy the rest of their night.

JoBell123 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_can-children-invited-ceremony-not-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:6257099c-9aa9-4770-b417-91c3b93c85b3Post:4ee5c1a3-a25a-4658-a78f-7195c4abe398">Re: Can children be invited to the ceremony and not the reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Can children be invited to the ceremony and not the reception? : But the difference here is that they ASKED you if they could do this. It was their choice. Etiquette-wise, no, it's not at all proper to invite someone to the ceremony but then tell them that they are not welcome to the party.
Posted by mbcdefg[/QUOTE]

Actually, only my cousins asked in regards to the kids that we weren't inviting at all. We told our siblings that we weren't planning on inviting the nephews and they were all relieved. We did offer to make baby-sitting arrangements if they needed.

akcrrr · April 2011

It seems like I am not the only one dealing with this issue...phew!
To answer someone's previous question, unfortunately they are all nieces/nephews.
I can honestly see everyone's side on this. I do not think the parents of the flower girls/ring bearers would want their children at the reception (they like to party) it is my FMIL that wants them there. We could have a babysitter for them at the hotel (we are getting married at the Westin in Jersey City) that way their parents can go upstars to check on them if they want OR we could have the children come with us for photos and then head home (or somewhere else)

kasabby · April 2011

I think they definitely have to be invited to the reception. If their parents don't want them there--let them make that decision. When I was younger, my brother was in my Uncle's wedding-he was only 4 at the time. He was invited to the reception. He came for the first hour or so and then my grandparents came and got him and brought him home so he wasn't cranky at the venue.

Can children be invited to the ceremony and not the reception?

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