Practical versus romantic! Thoughts??

SamanthaJean528 · August 2010

So my fiance and I are set to get married around this time next year. We are also in the process of buying a house together. His parents are Mormon and are extremely conservative. They aren't big fans that he and I have been living together w/o being married for the past 5 months. They keep mentioning that if we get married before the end of the year, we will get all these cuts on our taxes and stuff, trying to motivate us to get married sooner.

I always thought I would be married to the person I am buying a house with, but right now, we are more worried about putting money into the purchase of our home rather than putting on a wedding. I have always wanted a small wedding anyway, about 40 people under 2 grand. But right now, every penny counts.

However, I am starting to see the advantages to what his parents are saying. It would be nice financially if we were married sooner rather than later. So I am thinking, do a courthouse style wedding now, and this time next year, do our full wedding reception.

However, I have always done the practical thing in my life, and I am wondering if this is not the time to be practical, and rather stick to the romance of getting the wedding of my dreams. My parents got married in a courthouse way back when, and my mom said they always said they would do a large reception later, but never ended up doing it. I am worried that will happen to me.

I realize this is a similar posting to someone else's recently, but I just wanted a fresh perspective.

Thanks a ton!! (sorry post is so long!)

redheadfsu · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_practical-versus-romantic-thoughts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:45445635-d61c-40d2-bd79-c97468f34b06Post:5d637943-6f2e-449e-b85b-9a886c8611cc">Practical versus romantic! Thoughts??</a>:
[QUOTE]So my fiance and I are set to get married around this time next year. We are also in the process of buying a house together. His parents are Mormon and are extremely conservative. They aren't big fans that he and I have been living together w/o being married for the past 5 months. They keep mentioning that if we get married before the end of the year, we will get all these cuts on our taxes and stuff, trying to motivate us to get married sooner. I always thought I would be married to the person I am buying a house with, but right now, we are more worried about putting money into the purchase of our home rather than putting on a wedding. I have always wanted a small wedding anyway, about 40 people under 2 grand. But right now, every penny counts. However, I am starting to see the advantages to what his parents are saying. It would be nice financially if we were married sooner rather than later. So I am thinking, do a courthouse style wedding now, and this time next year, do our full wedding reception. However, I have always done the practical thing in my life, and I am wondering if this is not the time to be practical, and rather stick to the romance of getting the wedding of my dreams. My parents got married in a courthouse way back when, and my mom said they always said they would do a large reception later, but never ended up doing it. I am worried that will happen to me. I realize this is a similar posting to someone else's recently, but I just wanted a fresh perspective. Thanks a ton!! (sorry post is so long!)
Posted by SamanthaJean528[/QUOTE]

It would be more of a vow renewal type of thing, not really a wedding reception. Now, personally that type of thing doesn't bother me (as we are planning an at-home reception). However, you will get tons of people that say it feels gift grabby. My issue here is it sounds like you don't want to do the elope/courthouse style wedding. Don't let someone talk you out of what you want to do. It sounds like you really want a traditional wedding, so wait.

mysticl · August 2010

My advice is don't buy a house with someone you aren't married to. If both names are on the deed and God forbid something happens that you don't get married dealing with the house is a royal nightmare and it is not the same as a property settlement between a divorced couple. I know people it has happened to.

redheadfsu · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_practical-versus-romantic-thoughts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:45445635-d61c-40d2-bd79-c97468f34b06Post:e3fe25cf-13e7-474f-ab06-f4f8fc383b59">Re: Practical versus romantic! Thoughts??</a>:
[QUOTE]My advice is don't buy a house with someone you aren't married to. If both names are on the deed and God forbid something happens that you don't get married dealing with the house is a royal nightmare and it is not the same as a property settlement between a divorced couple. I know people it has happened to.
Posted by mysticl[/QUOTE]

Valid point, but (hopefully) they have spoken to a lawyer & understand the law in their state. Figuring out what to do with the house in a divorce isn't easier, especially in this economy. Many people have to wait to finalize their divorce as they can't figure out what to do with the house.

megk8oz · August 2010

I bought a condo with DH before we were married. I live in a state where if you word the deed properly, either party is entitled to the other person's 1/2 in the event of something happening (I believe it's something along the lines of listing both parties as "tenants in common with the right of survivorship").

Pretty much barring a tragedy, we knew we were going to get married, but we happened to stumble upon a really good deal that we just could not pass up. Since you're already living together, it might be a bit different, but for us if we got married without having secured a place to live first, we would have ended up moving in with my parents while we house hunted ... and neither of us wanted to start off married life like that.

Anyway. If you want a traditional wedding, and you have the means to save for one, don't rush off to a courthouse. Like your parents, I know a few people that went to the courthouse with the intent of "having the big party later", and it just never happened for whatever reason. This is actually why we chose to by our place first, because we were afraid if we went to the courthouse, the same thing would happen to us. To me getting a couple of tax breaks and appeasing his parent's moral code isn't worth do something you already feel like you're going to regret.

skyler1108 · August 2010

Obviously you do not have a problem with living with someone before you get married so I do not think that you should let someone else's belief on that rush you into marriage. I think you should wait and have the wedding next year like you planned to before your parents said anything. They are just trying to pressure you into something so you fit into their idea of the "right" situation. What is "right" for them does not mean that is has to be "right" for you. Do what you feel is right, not what someone else tells you is.

SamanthaJean528 · August 2010

Thanks everyone for your thoughts!! At this point, I am just going to go with my original plan of possibly buying the home first (yes, we have looked into the legalities of it,( and then continue saving my wedding date until next year (or possibly earlier in the spring...) But either way, I am not going to let his parents' wishes influence what we want to do. At this point, if they are really set on us getting married within the next few months, I will let them pony up the bill. LOL.

Thanks again, everyone!!

Practical versus romantic! Thoughts??

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