June 2012 Weddings

Plus One Drama

I post this on facebook too... even though it's too long for facebook... oops.

Vent...Advice? 

Background: My mom started dating someone new (now he is her FI) when I was 16. I met his 3 children when I was 17. I'm 26 now and the kids are between the ages of 17 - 22. I have 3 biological sisters, all older than me. I did live with my mom and her FI for a year but I'm not really close with him or his kids, but he likes to think we are all one family. Even though he doesn't call me on my birthday, and when I got my house (just this month) and he happened to pick up the phone when I called my mom, he never said one word about it, no congratulations, no questions, nothing.

So to the point - He is insulted that I didn't give a plus 1 to his kids and feels that I've insulted his family and I'm not treating them like true family. None of his kids are dating anyone right now. They just want to bring a date or a friend. My FI is angry they're acting this way, and I am too, but half of me just wants to keep piece and give them the plus ones. I know this is going to cause tension on the day of the wedding. My mom thinks it will too but she is sticking up for me and our decision on no plus ones for them. But, her FI is going to be very angry at the wedding when he sees other guests got to bring their boyfriend/girlfriend. We want to keep it below 60 people, and adding these 3 plus ones would put us over that. We have a budget we want to stick to, and although we could afford more, we just can't justify spending so much on a wedding, and these extra guests would definitely put us over budget. Do we cave and keep the peace or stand our ground and deal with the tension day of?
White Knot

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Re: Plus One Drama

  • im making a point for my wedding that people who arent dating anyone dont have a plus one to save on some money because we cabt afford it.
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  • If these people don't have SOs, you are well within your right to not give them plus ones.  However, if any of them have SOs when the invites go out, you need to invite their SOs.  You cannot split up a social unit.  It doesn't matter how close you are to them.
  • If you aren't dating anyone no plus one for you - no randos 
  • I agree - you don't get a plus one if you aren't a part of a social unit. Flavor of the month is not entitled to an invite.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_plus-one-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:83c65a8a-f916-44ae-91b1-d36e53402c1fPost:4e5b1995-bd32-4995-b4b1-2aaf6a3f853e">Re: Plus One Drama</a>:
    [QUOTE]If these people don't have SOs, you are well within your right to not give them plus ones.  However, if any of them have SOs when the invites go out, you need to invite their SOs.  You cannot split up a social unit.  It doesn't matter how close you are to them.
    Posted by chelseamb11[/QUOTE]

    I agree with this.  Plus, this way you can stay under 60 (likely) like you want.
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  • Are you inviting other single people with a +1, that would be where it could get tricky. If any of the other plus ones are actual people they are dating then you will be fine with sticking to that. Family or not you can then say we did not give other truely single pople +1's because single people are not getting them, we do not want random people at our wedding. I have to draw the line somewhere & that is where i drew it. Sorry but this matter is not up for discussion anymore, i did not treat anyone differently than i treated my other guests, this way no one can really be offended. 

    If you invited other single people with +1's then i would say you have to suck it up because you have nothing to stand behind then. 
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  • This sounds just like my situation. Any of my sisters 4 or brothers 3 that don't have a steady significant other then they didn't get a plus one. No one understands it's a small wedding and that you don't want some strangers in all your wedding photos when you could invite someone that's involved in your life instead of their plus one! It's your wedding, it's your day and they should get over it. I wouldn't give into them.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_plus-one-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:83c65a8a-f916-44ae-91b1-d36e53402c1fPost:b0a810d8-81be-4402-91c1-bf57d40755c9">Re:Plus One Drama</a>:
    [QUOTE]This sounds just like my situation. Any of my sisters 4 or brothers 3 that don't have a steady significant other then they didn't get a plus one. No one understands it's a small wedding and that you don't want some strangers in all your wedding photos when you could invite someone that's involved in your life instead of their plus one! <strong>It's your wedding, it's your day and they should get over it</strong>. I wouldn't give into them.
    Posted by lilmom3[/QUOTE]

    You get the newb of the day award.
    OP do NOT listen to this advice please. I thought the same when i first got engaged but quickly realised once you have a wp, guests etc the day becomes so much more than about you even though you are the center of attention.

    ANYONE in a relationship should get a +1 steady or not. I am glad i am not one of your sibs lilmom because it sounds like you don't care about others feelings. My sibs would get an auto +1 if they needed it whether or not they were dating, just because they are my sibs, they are VIP's & matter most.
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  • In Response to Re:Plus One Drama:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Plus One Drama:This sounds just like my situation. Any of my sisters 4 or brothers 3 that don't have a steady significant other then they didn't get a plus one. No one understands it's a small wedding and that you don't want some strangers in all your wedding photos when you could invite someone that's involved in your life instead of their plus one! It's your wedding, it's your day and they should get over it. I wouldn't give into them.Posted by lilmom3You get the newb of the day award. OP do NOT listen to this advice please. I thought the same when i first got engaged but quickly realised once you have a wp, guests etc the day becomes so much more than about you even though you are the center of attention. ANYONE in a relationship should get a 1 steady or not. I am glad i am not one of your sibs lilmom because it sounds like you don't care about others feelings. My sibs would get an auto 1 if they needed it whether or not they were dating, just because they are my sibs, they are VIP's amp; matter most. Posted by.sweetcanadian1979[/QUOTE] I'm not a newb like you called me, I'm just not a serial poster. I've been around for over a year now! I take others feelings into consideration but if my siblings are serial daters then why give them a plus one? If one of them came back to me and said they are serious with someone then yes they if I had room in my venue I would give them a plus one. I see it as family time why can't a person spend the time with their family? Why is a date necessary? That's how I see it. I'm all about family and don't see the point of taking a date when you are with family. I personally think it's weird to take a date to meet your entire family for the first time at a siblings wedding. IMO!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_plus-one-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:83c65a8a-f916-44ae-91b1-d36e53402c1fPost:71f1f921-593a-454f-9150-1d265028ac46">Re:Plus One Drama</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Plus One Drama: I'm not a newb like you called me, I'm just not a serial poster. I've been around for over a year now! I take others feelings into consideration but if my siblings are serial daters then why give them a plus one? If one of them came back to me and said they are serious with someone then yes they if I had room in my venue I would give them a plus one. I see it as family time why can't a person spend the time with their family? Why is a date necessary? That's how I see it. I'm all about family and don't see the point of taking a date when you are with family. I personally think it's weird to take a date to meet your entire family for the first time at a siblings wedding. IMO!
    Posted by lilmom3[/QUOTE]

    <div>Yes but those are YOUR feelings, you may think its weird but not everyone does. Personally mine get +1's because i love them & want them to be comfortable. Just because they are family & know people does NOT mean they will want to be with those people the whole night or have fun sitting at the table by themselves while everyone else is up dancing to a slow song. </div><div>
    </div><div>Either way, the ppd attitude & it is my day doesn't bode well around here. You may have been here for a year but you are still a newb because obviously you don't realise giving bad advice is not a good thing. </div>
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