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Flaky Bridesmaids

mrstfuturemrstfuture member
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in Moms and Maids
OK here's the situation.... I'm 7 months out and my bridesmaids still haven't gone shopping for their dresses.  I picked 7 for them to choose from, and I thought I was being gracious by doing so, but they haven't gotten around to getting their dress yet.  I am really worried that with fittings and alterations, that the dresses won't be ready for the wedding.  I've given them loads of time to go shopping and save up for the dress (all choices are affordable) but every time I try and get in touch with them, I can't.  I'm almost at the point where I'm going to have to drop them from the wedding if they aren't going to keep me updated and get their dresses.  I don't want to have to cut them but what other options do I have?  I was thinking of just saying, "MOH got this dress, get measured and order it." but I don't want to be that way.  Any ideas?  Do I ask them if they are still going to participate?  HELP!
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Re: Flaky Bridesmaids

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    ehathewaehathewa
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    7 months seems like a long time.  How long do the dresses take to be shipped?  4 or 5 months seems like plenty of time (or at least it was for my gals). 

    Give them a breather for a few weeks, then just remind them if there is a drop-dead date for ordering the dresses and then leave it alone. 

    Now, just take a deep breath and relax...  You sound stressed and this really isn't a big deal. 
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    ManwaithielManwaithiel member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You're being ridiculous.

    You're going to drop them from the wedding because they're not getting the dresses 7 months out? Count to ten or something.

    3 months out is customary. Maybe 4.

    Do you realize how much weight people gain/lose in 7 months? Or how much financial situations can change in 7 months? Or how many other things are going on in their lives in the 7 months leading up to your wedding? Just relax. Please.
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    deepcovejackiedeepcovejackie
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    edited December 2011
    Yep, you need to chill.  Your BM's are grown adults who are capable of dealing with their own attire.  I'm assuming you asked each BM privately what her budget is before giving 7 choices of dress to them?
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    mysticlmysticl member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    My whole engagement isn't even 7 months long.  They have time.  Maybe some are trying to lose a few pounds or are saving money or just figure they have plenty of time. 
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    MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Seven months is way to early to start panicking about the bm's dresses.

    You should find out from the bridal shop what the latest date to order would be. Some shops won't order the dresses until all the bms have placed their orders. Find out what your shop's policy is. Give this information to your bms and trust them to be responsible adults. If you want to be extra cautious, you can call the shop on that due date and make sure the order is being placed.

    If you start to nagging them about this, they are going to cringe every time they hear your voice.
                       
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    mrstfuturemrstfuture member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I did find out the date from the bridal shop and my bridal consultant said that they should have been ordered already.  I have already passed on the information that it's not me saying that they should be ordered, but the bridal shop.  This is why I am getting worried.  Every wedding that I've been in I have NEVER ordered a dress 3-4 months out.  It's not the lack of ordering that is upsetting me, it's the not getting back to me and refusing to talk about it.  Ignoring the situation on their part is not going to make it disappear, but make it worse.  I have already had a bridesmaid drop out like a petulant little child because she didn't get to pick the designer and the dress (yes, she already had her wedding) she wanted.  I agree that people lose weight in the process of 7 months but that is what fittings and alterations are for.  Money is not an issue for either of them and the dresses are uber-affordable.  I am just about to say "MOH picked this dress so go get measured".  In the interest of giving them flexibility, it seems like they are really running with it too much.
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    heyimbrenheyimbren member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Did the bridal shop say that the LAST date to order them and have them in on time already passed? OR did they just say that they should be ordered by now?

    4-5 months really is customary. If you're that worried about it, give them another month or so to relax so you're 5-6 months out.

    It really isn't a big deal, but it sounds like there are quite a few problems you're having with your BP if you've already had one drop out and the rest aren't responding that much. Don't nag them for a while. Enjoy being friends. Do NOT drop them over something this silly.

    Remember this: in your head, you're thinking "OMG I only have 7 months left!!" and they're thinking "Her wedding is still SEVEN months away, why is she freaking out?"
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    kayakrunhikekayakrunhike
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Meh.  We ordered my BM dresses about 6 months out.  They came in with two months to spare- plenty of time to get alterations done.  Give them the drop dead date, and what it comes down to is this- they're adults.  If they don't have the dress by your wedding day, they're not standing with you, but are welcome to attend as guests.  They have all the info they need.
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    If no one seems to want to make a decision- you need to make the decision. Pick the dress you like best. Then ask the bridal shoppe when the absolute last day is that they can be ordered. get the price and the amount of deposit that is needed and send all that info to the girls. Seven choices is a lot and I'm sure they all want you to be happy with what is chosen.

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    SSaltzman87SSaltzman87 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    7 months is more than enough time to pick out dresses, order them and get any necessary alterations done. Just chillax. If the bridal shoppe gives you a deadline to order them, then let your BMs know that. They probably think 7 months is an eternity away and don't feel the sense of urgency that you do.

    Your BMs are all grown women, then can handle this on their own. As long as they show up in a dress on your wedding day, that's all that matters.
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    suz62984suz62984
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    edited December 2011
    You shouldn't want to be the way you are being now! Grow up...cutting them all from the wedding? So a dress(that is only worn once) is more important than your friendships? Well aren't you a peach!

    7 months is plenty of time to get the dresses. Stop trying to micro-manage everything. Give them a try on dresses by ______ date and let them go try on the choices. If they don't then say "I really had to go ahead and pick a dress because it is time to start ordering. The dress style # is ___." If they get the dress, they are in the wedding. If not, they have removed themselves.

    If you kick them out you will look like mega biotch to everyone. You will also end all the friendships. Take the wedding out of this. If you don't want to be friends anymore than end the friendship, the wedding stuff will be understood.
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    suz62984suz62984
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Where are you getting the dresses from. A local bridal store or national chain?
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    aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
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    edited December 2011
    My MOH finally found a dress six weeks before the wedding.  I think you have time.
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    poolkat78poolkat78
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I gave all 7 of my BM's an order date - it was just under 6 months from the wedding date. They all came in in 4 months, and the bridal store wouldn't do alterations until 6 wks before the wedding. They have been at the store for 3 wks waiting for appts. You have time, so pls relax.

    On a side note to let you know how your BM's may be feeling. 1 of my BM's is getting married next September. She told me that she wanted the dresses for her wedding picked out and ordered by NOVEMBER!!! Just 1 week after i get back from my honeymoon. Then she planned a "dress fitting day" with the entire wedding party (I wasn't able to go as it was a Monday morning - i have no vacation time left as I have my wedding/honeymoon) and they picked the dress and colour. After A LOT of emotional converstations, i flat out told her that i was NOT ordering my dress in November - i'm in my early 30's (the rest of the BM's are mid-20's and have time to have babies) and that i didn't feel comfortable ordering a dress so far out when i could be pregnant. Well, now we have until January 31st to order the dresses....9 months and 10 days before her actual wedding. This is what the bridal store told her. Obviously i was told something completely different, hence my emotional response. So PLEASE, stop bugging your girls - there is a lot of time to get the dresses ordered and altered.

    As past posters have said, pick a dress and date and tell them - if they get it, great, if they don't they decline to stand up with you.

    Good luck!!
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    mrstfuturemrstfuture member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Alfred Angelo... One of the BM's literally lives around the corner from an AA store so I don't really see how it;s an issue.
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    JmeLee2011JmeLee2011 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I would agree with most above.  Just take a minute and relax.  7 months is tons of time.  Maybe if you think you gave them too many options, go from 7 dresses to your favorite two or three??  Or just pick the one you enjoy the most. :)

    I remember one wedding I was in two Aprils ago, the girl and I were pretty good friends, then the second she asked me to be in her BP, she went crazy.  Told me how to wear my makeup, what kind to even wear, that i needed to cut my hair, told me I wasn't allowed to tan(im kinda naturally tan so i was like "umm okay?!" LOL ,also she called and bothered me almost daily on all sorts of stuff for the whole 5 months before her wedding.  For her wedding shoes, she sent me a random  text that just said, "you ow my mom 35 dollars for your wedding shoes, she needs it asap."  I didn't even know she ordered shoes let alone I could have paid for them without her mom, any who it was a huge mess.  Needless to say it was the worst wedding experience of my life and i VOW to not micro manage.  The two of us are  friendly, but not friends because the whole experience was so horrible.  LOL

    sorry I kind of vented but BEST OF LUCK and just remember to breathe and enjoy this time.
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    mrstfuturemrstfuture member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I picked 7 dresses cause everyone has different body types and wanted to give them flexibility.  I'm not that concerned with make up, shoes, etc since they are adults and know they should look nice for any wedding.  I'm not concerned about that.  My MOH thinks I should be worried, as does my mom and my hairdresser (we all trust our hairdresser's opinion, even since I've been with her for 20 years).  I did decide that I'm giving them one more month to make some movement on this.  I am going to then call them and tell them that I picked the dress and give them a deadline in order to order it.  If it's not ordered by that date, then they have chosen to be a guest at the wedding.  This is exactly not how I want to be but I really don't have any other choice. 
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    lharri12lharri12 member
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    edited December 2011

    Take a chill pill.  The dresses will NOT take more than 4 months arrive once they're ordered.

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    deepcovejackiedeepcovejackie
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    OP--If you take the attitude you've just described above,  the next thing we'll be reading is that some of your BM's have dropped out.
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    donnaoneilldonnaoneill member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    The bridal shop is probably just telling you that so they know that they will get money from you. I bet if you went in and said your wedding was only 6 months away, but you love their shop, they would order them no problem for you. 

    If it truly takes them that long to process a few dresses, I don't think I would order my dresses from there. There is ALWAYS another place to get a dress, so chill.

    As for the bridesmaids, make sure your definition of affordable matches theirs. And try not to be too naggy about the dresses. Reiterate the dates to them, or offer to meet them there? I know some of my BMs liked having someone with them when they were ordering to make sure they got the right one.
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