Venting: Feeling put down by others

kittenly · January 2011

So I posted on a special topic board about dress lengths and got some answers that seemed, well frankly a little mean. The question was about my candle lighters dress lengths and was told it's not up to me what they wear as they aren't part of the wedding party though I was once for a sister. But yet TK says they can be.

I'm beginning to think I should'nt ask questions anymore as the way I want to do things is "wrong" to others. I value others opinions but really didn't expect to feel put down by other brides.

This is my first wedding (I'm 48) and I want it to be special but instead am in tears over doing things wrong.....

mgoss228 · January 2011

National boards tend to be a little "tougher" when it comes to advice, because A LOT of wedding traditions/customs are VERY regional/cultural. I stick to our local board, because Seattle brides are a lot more chill than you'll find on any of the national boards.

For your original question, I think it's fine to ask your candle lighters to wear a certain length and/or color. I would probably go for a different color than the BMs. What length were you thinking of?

MacPanda · January 2011

I agree completely with mgoss. Many of the other boards can be quite harsh. Try not to worry about doing things that are "wrong" to others. This is your time to do what's right for you and your FI.

I think if you have a preference about the length of the dresses for the candle lighters than it's perfectly fine to ask them nicely if they would wear that.

kittenly · January 2011

Thanks! I will definately stick to this board from now on!

I am thinking of knee length and the lighter of the wedding colors (my MOH will be in the darker). I am checking with the girls (two nieces, both will be 16) as to what styles they like. I don't feel they have to be identical but the idea that they could be whatever they want wasn't sitting well with me. And one likes tight clothes and both are busty, and it's a church wedding. Finally say-so will likely be there moms.

mgoss228 · January 2011

kittenly, your ideas sound great! If you're worried about the dresses being too reveling, you could get the girls cardigans, or some other kind of cover-up for the church ceremony.

kittenly · January 2011

Thanks! A couple dresses I've looked at would likely look better on them with a shrug. And I just realized I mis-typed "there" for "their". Oops!

LOL

fancynewbecca · January 2011

Yeah, stick around, we'll take care of ya!

For the record, I don't know what they're giving you a tough time for on the National Boards. I have never, ever, ever been to a wedding where the candle lighters weren't a part of the wedding party (attire or otherwise).

I think your idea sounds really lovely (agree with mgoss about the cover-ups) and I hope to see pics of your ideas soon

)

bablingbrooke · January 2011

I don't mean to barge in, but I do feel compelled to set the record straight: OP asked what length her candle-lighter dresses should be, she was told that candle-lighters aren't in the WP so she really doesn't get to dictate their attire, and she flipped out and started crying. No one ganged up on her or beat up on her, she just really didn't like to hear that. Last time I checked, that wasn't a mean thing to tell someone (but going to a different board to bash people...apparently that's okay?).

kittenly · January 2011

LMAO!!! I didn't start crying because I was told I couldn't "tell" my candlelighters what to wear, I was upset because when I said I was a candlelighter for my sister I was part of the wedding party and then told that was wrong. I never "flipped out" but was rather put-off by being told I sound like a brat because I stated I thought this was my wedding, versus what other people say is should be (not talking FI, family or friend). The idea that I have to do things the way someone says "because it's done that way" just doesn't sit well with me.

For the record my fiance read through those posts and didn't like what he read - that our wedding party is who "they" (whoever 'they" are) says they are.

But it's all null and void at this point as we are having our wedding the way we want it, that is comfortable for our family and guests and a joyful celebration.

Best wishes to all of you on this board, thank you for your support but I'm signing off and moving on. Here's hoping you have much happiness in your lives like I will in mine!

fancynewbecca · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_washington-seattle_venting-feeling-put-down-others?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:104Discussion:c00e25ca-49a1-472c-9643-79fc91201e2cPost:452c696c-e459-467c-8185-879542575ac8">Re: Venting: Feeling put down by others</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't mean to barge in, but I do feel compelled to set the record straight: OP asked what length her candle-lighter dresses should be, she was told that candle-lighters aren't in the WP so she really doesn't get to dictate their attire, and she flipped out and started crying. No one ganged up on her or beat up on her, she just really didn't like to hear that. Last time I checked, that wasn't a mean thing to tell someone (but going to a different board to bash people...apparently that's okay?).
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

Thanks, but we don't need explanations. We know how to access the national boards and can read the thread for ourselves.

Venting: Feeling put down by others

Re: Venting: Feeling put down by others

Choose Another Board

Search Boards