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Moms and Maids

Mom Vent!!!

Sorry I just can't help myself. Here is the long story short.... I am marry an older man whom I love for who he is completely so please no bashing. My parents and most of my family wasn't less than thrilled to say the list. With that said, they hadn't met him yet so they had no idea what kind of man he is so they were completely stereo typing him. After they met him they actually may like him better than me. Ok here is where we get to the story.
So we are obviously paying for the wedding by ourselves. My parents haven't offered and we will not ever ask. I have been married before and they refused to help with that one. I was talking to my mom about the wedding on the phone tonight and asked if my brother (who is married with three kids) will come out for the wedding in her opinion. He lives in California and the wedding is in Nebraska. I was wondering because if they come I want to invite them to the rehearsal since they are immediate family. When I mentioned inviting them for the rehearsal she about freaked out on me. Saying it isn't etiquette to invite anyone who isn't in the wedding and needed to be at the rehearsal. I have read immediate fam invited to the rehearsal is just fine and proper. Then she went off about how we shouldn't be trying to show off like we have money when we don't. It is true we don't have millions like them but then again they aren't offering to help. I mean really where does she think she has a right to say who I can't and can invite. If she was helping even to buy the napkins for the wedding I might feel incline to listen but she isn't even doing that.
And to top it all off she had the nerve to "INFORM" me that no one will really come anyways because this is my second wedding and EVERYONE really everyone is pissed about who I am marrying so don't count on anyone. With that said, the first wedding I had she made me feel so bad about my situation (I was three mo pregnant) that I refused to invite anyone beside our parents and our siblings. She made it clear I was an embarrassment. I said this time I wasn't going to let her prevent me from having the wedding I have always wanted, White dress and all (yes that is a BIG deal). I know most of my family wont come since they live all over the country but for her to say it like that just stung.
Sorry just needed to get this whole thing off my chest. I love the crap out of her but sometimes she makes it really hard. This is one of those moments.
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Re: Mom Vent!!!

  • I only skimmed, but I would stop talking to your mother about the wedding. If she's not contributing the the wedding (and like you said, you'd never ask), you don't need to discuss the details to her. Enjoy planning YOUR wedding :) 
  • Definitely stop discussing the details of the wedding with your mother. She's just trying to get to you and it's working.
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  • As far as the rehersal dinner etiquette: everyone involved in the rehersal plus their dates (if any) must be invited.  Out of town guests and immediate family members are often invited if the budget allows, but are not required.  Your mom is crazypants.

    Are you and your FI getting premarital counseling?  A relationship with an age gap has certain complications.  Counseling can help stack the deck in your favor, KWIM?  (I have close friends in a sucessful marriage with a large age gap, but I've also seen one that went very wrong.  This isn't a judgement about you or him, just a statistical observation.)
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  • I just wrote a really long angry comment, and TK deleted it. Again. Piss. 

    Anyway, here it is in summary: Screw your mom and the horse she rode in on. Don't talk wedding with her anymore. In fact, I would limit contact with her as much as possible. She sounds toxic and manipulative.

    Also I want to strangle the person who invented the white gown = purity lie. 
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  • Don't ask your mom if your brother will come.  My sister asked my mom if I was looking for a car, and she just said "no Lenergy can't afford one" (turns out I was looking for a car).  Send your brother a wedding invitation, and if he accepts, you can invite him to the rehearsal dinner.  Don't be afraid to invite someone just because your mom doesn't think they will come.
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  • I would send a wedding invitation and a rehearsal dinner invitation.  I'm sure he will be honored to be invited even if he can't attend the RD or the actual wedding. 
  • I completely love you all. The funny thing is I haven't talked to her about the wedding unless she asked just to avoid this kind of crap. Oh well! I know what she is full of, no worries. As far as my relationship, we have gone through a lot when it comes to the age difference and come out closer and stronger. We are planning on counseling because I think it can help every relationship to get off on the right foot. I am completely sucre in my decision to marry this man.
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  • You are living a variation of my life, really!  I just stopped talking to my mom about wedding stuff, so she can't criticize.  Everyone's happy, well, at least I am!
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  • ditto on everyone's responses, I feel sorry for your mom that she can't find it in herself to be happy for you. Moms need to be the encouragers not the downers in life. 
  • Oh I know how it is to have mom troubles. Hang in there girlfriend! everything will be okay! Just stop talking about the wedding with your mom. It's your day, you can have or do whatever you want. Don't let her hurt your feelings! My mom hates my fiancee, but I won't let it get me down!
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