Advice please?

jnurse19 · May 2011

So since you ladies are so wise I am coming to you in hopes of getting some good advice or at least have someone to vent to.

I just graduated a couple of weeks ago and have been getting ready to take my nclex exam which is my licensing exam.

BF has been frustrating me to no end lately. He hasn't been doing his share of chores lately and in general he is great at helping out but the past two weeks he has been completely slacking. On top of that I have been working my 2 jobs and trying to come home and study. By the time I get home and make something to eat I feel like I barely have time to study let alone clean or do laundry.

I talked to BF and he said that he just got into a lazy mode when summer started and apologized. Yet he hasn't made any improvements. I am stressed about my exam I get 2 chances to pass in my state and I just feel like he should be more supportive. It would be nice if for these last 2 weeks he picked up extra chores/cooking so I have more time to dedicate to studying. Apparently he thinks I am overreacting about how unprepared I feel and thinks I will do fine. I appreciate the confidence he has in me, but I want to feel like I will do fine as well.

Honestly I don't know if I am overreacting about this. If I am please knock some sense into me.

I also do not know how else I can approach the subject because he is obviously not getting it at this point.

RIght now I am sitting at the library studying so I don't have to do anything at home and can just study, but honestly I don't want to live at the library for two weeks.

Any advice please?

polkadot111 · May 2011

He maybe is just trying to be extra confident in you by saying, "I don't know why you're studying soooo much! You'll rock it! You're so smart!!!" And you're taking it as, "I don't ever want to see you study again. GO TO THE LIBRARY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't like looking at you!!!!!!!!!" I think you maybe are overreacting a little bit, however, if you feel like you need to study in the library rather than at home, there must be some reason...

He should be doing his share of chores. That would make me upset. Especially right when you need to study for the nclex. You said you've talked to him, but nothing improved. So maybe it seems a little odd ot talk to him again, but I still think you should. Tell him that you have noticed that his chores still haven't been getting done. Honeslty, maybe tell him EXACTLY what you need done. Maybe if he has a little direction that will help.

jnurse19 · May 2011

Thanks. I know that he meant as in the first way you said it. The reason I am going to the library is so that I don't have to cook dinner and what not and can actually sit here and concentrate without stressing about how other things need to be done around the house.

I think I am more upset about his lack of helping out around such a stressful time.

jaycee7389 · May 2011

I should be studying for my NCLEX as well, but I transferred schools and won't graduate until next year now

I know I would be completely stressed and freaking out a bit if I were, so maybe you're just letting little things get to you because of the high stress level?

I'm not sure I really have any advice to add, except good luck!

eta: our professors always tell us to answer the questions "in a perfect nursing world". incase you haven't heard that before

jnurse19 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_advice-please-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:3f526cbc-d057-41d3-8f25-f0873f92a24dPost:877ba392-1470-420a-8374-6f49ee842d0e">Re: Advice please?</a>:
[QUOTE]I should be studying for my NCLEX as well, but I transferred schools and won't graduate until next year now :( I know I would be completely stressed and freaking out a bit if I were, so maybe you're just letting little things get to you because of the high stress level? I'm not sure I really have any advice to add, except good luck! eta:<strong> our professors always tell us to answer the questions "in a perfect nursing world". incase you haven't heard that before :)</strong>
Posted by jaycee7389[/QUOTE]

<div>Haha I have heard that before. Which really messes me up on my practice questions. I need to keep reminding myself that. And I do think that I am letting things bother me more because of my stress level. </div><div>One of our professors reminded us before we graduated that the next 3 months were going to be tough on us. Between trying to reintegrate with non-nursing friends and family that had to take a backseat during school, studying for nclex and job hunting we would struggle redefining life without school. I totally thought they were exaggerating, but I can see it to an extent. And i just want my NCLEX done. Its the last thing still tying me to school and I just want to move on and start working already. </div><div>
</div><div>
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jaycee7389 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_advice-please-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:3f526cbc-d057-41d3-8f25-f0873f92a24dPost:02993437-5447-494c-b95c-ff7367aef05d">Re: Advice please?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Advice please? : <strong>Haha I have heard that before. Which really messes me up on my practice questions. I need to keep reminding myself that.</strong> And I do think that I am letting things bother me more because of my stress level. One of our professors reminded us before we graduated that the next 3 months were going to be tough on us. Between trying to reintegrate with non-nursing friends and family that had to take a backseat during school, studying for nclex and job hunting we would struggle redefining life without school. I totally thought they were exaggerating, but I can see it to an extent. And i just want my NCLEX done. Its the last thing still tying me to school and I just want to move on and start working already.
Posted by jnurse19[/QUOTE]

Yes it definitely is hard to think like that!

I'm sure you will do great and pass and find a job and make lots of new nursing friends all over again haha.

becunning2 · May 2011

You don't HAVE to cook dinner. You still have to eat at the library, and I'm fairly certain your boyfriend was capable of feeding himself before you came along (and if he wasn't, that's a big issue, hehe!). I sometimes have problems coming home and then seeing everything I want to do around the house rather than study. If that's a similar problem for you, you have to turn that part of your brain off so you can focus on studying. While it would be great if your boyfriend picked up cooking, if it's something that you usually do, it's not going to come naturally to him to decide, hey, it's dinner time, it's time for me to eat! You could gently ask him to make some spaghetti or something simple, or you could just ask him to go pick up a pizza or whatever. And as long as you still have clothes to wear, the laundry can wait. That's my two cents.

Good luck on your exam!

loves2shop4shoes · May 2011

I've been there...sort of.

I think you're more angry because you're stressed out than you are angry about the chores.

As someone who just finished her first year of law school, I totally understand.

Here's what you do: stop worrying about the damn house until your exam is over. Your SO doesn't want to clean? That's nice. You've got a huge pile of laundry? That's nice. You feel exhausted from cooking? That's nice; get take out.

Don't let yourself stress out about mindless BS when you should focus on your exam. Get out of the house. Study in a library, a coffee shop, whatever. Come home to sleep. Stop worrying about nonsense. Focus.

Worry about the house when your exam is over.

jnurse19 · May 2011

Thanks ladies, you guys are definitely right.

I am one of those people that will get distracted if there are things around the house that needs to be done. The library worked well last night and I was able to get some studying done.

I came home and the kitchen was cleaned and the laundry was at least organized so it was out of the way. Our roommate was using the washer yesterday so he couldn't of done laundry either way. I told him that I wasn't going to worry about cooking or cleaning until I felt ready for my test and he said he understood why. I'm still going to study in the library more just because I feel like I have to focus there because there is nothing else to do.

I feel better today overall after having a good conversation and some good study time.

jemmini6 · May 2011

I think you are partially projecting your stress about the test on things that need to get done at home/BF not helping. I think you need to do two things.

#1: Tell your BF that you appreciate his confidence in you, but you just want to make sure you are 110% prepared for this and that it's hard to focus on studying when there is so much stuff to do around the house. Ask him to really buckle down for the next 2 weeks and help you out by taking charge of the chores. Let him know that once you pass the test, you'll do something special for him for helping you out.

#2: Regardless of how #1 goes, you need to try to forget about the house for 2 weeks. Believe me, your world isn't going to implode if the kitchen floor doesn't get mopped or if every single piece of laundry isn't done. If it takes going to the library for you to put that stuff out of your mind, then that's what you need to do. It sucks, but it's better to give this all you've got once than to slack off, not pass, then have to do it all over again and take the test a second time.

Good luck on your test!!

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