Does this count as borrowed?

achiduck · September 2012

Long story short my mom passed away when I was 14. I inherited her wedding ring, my brother got the engagement ring which now lives on the hand of my SIL. I planned to tie mom's ring to my bouquet and was hoping to borrow the Ering from my SIL to have them both that day. It's been over a week and she's still "thinkng" about it despite the fact that I told her I wouldn't need it until a few minutes before I walked down the aisle and would give it back as soon as the ceremony was over so she'd be without it all of 30-40 minutes.

I'm kind of thinking that while I inherited the wedding ring it isn't REALLY mine. Would you count it as borrowed?

amandaorgan · September 2012

When I think of the something borrowed, I imagine it as something I would give back to the owner. But, I think it is merely a matter of opinion and I could see how your mother's wedding ring could be seen as the something borrowed.

I definitely think SIL should understand the sentimental value of allowing you to use the engagement ring as your something borrowed and I hope she comes around on that idea. I mean really, it is for less than an hour!

ericaandtom2012 · September 2012

I hate that I'm going to be negative, because I really don't want to, but I can't answer yes, it's borrowed.

Technically, it's not borrowed - you inherited it, thus you own it and you won't be giving it back after the wedding. I do think it is nice that you'll be carrying your mother's ring with you, but I also can't really blame your SIL for not wanting to give up her e-ring for the ceremony (I know I probably wouldn't).

achiduck · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2012-weddings_does-this-count-as-borrowed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:56b9bcef-1e34-456e-81f5-cfaa107456b2Discussion:c292a4fc-98ba-4c71-b414-05e7a7eab918Post:dd9eb56f-7dbd-48ee-8e84-f75204a3934b">Re: Does this count as borrowed?</a>:
[QUOTE]When I think of the something borrowed, I imagine it as something I would give back to the owner. But, I think it is merely a matter of opinion and I could see how your mother's wedding ring could be seen as the something borrowed.<strong> I definitely think SIL should understand the sentimental value of allowing you to use the engagement ring as your something borrowed and I hope she comes around on that idea. I mean really, it is for less than an hour!
</strong>Posted by amandaorgan[/QUOTE]

I certainly hope so. Plus she'll know where it is the entire time, it's not like I asked her to give it to me a few days before.

LDubHawksFan · September 2012

I can see her point for not wanting to give up her ring (granted I'm without my e-ring right now and it's driving me nuts!), but if I were in her shoes, I would honor your wish. Did any other relatives receive something from your mom? Perhaps a broach or something? Maybe you could explore that Avenue too since your FSIL is reluctant.

violakat03 · September 2012

I'd call it your something old, but not your something borrowed as you will not be giving it back. I like PP's idea about borrowing something else that was inherited.

mmmendi · September 2012

I read that ideally, you want to borrow from a happily wed individual. I agree, if you cannot return it - it really isn't quite borrowed.

Will you be following along with the sixpence (or penny or whatever) in your shoe? Perhaps that is an item that could be borrowed, with out so much stress? I gave my sixpence away, or I could have loaned that to you (barring the whole happily wed part...happily engaged I am!)!

Jasperk23 · September 2012

I hate to be negative... but I can definitely see your SIL's point of view.

I think that by asking to borrow it because it was your mother's, that kind of takes away from it being "hers", and more like she's just borrowing it.

Just my opinion, but I hope it works out either way!

goatlady12 · September 2012

First your FSIL and now your SIL?! I could see not wanting to give up your e-ring, but it was your mother's ring! Is she worried it won't be tied securely? Did she say her reasoning?

achiduck · September 2012

Ok, I think there's some confusion. I am tying my mothers wedding ring to my bouquet for sure which I inherited. I have asked my SIL to borrow her ering (which was my Mom's) for the ceremony. Last week when I asked if she had made a decision she said she was thinking about it. I texted her again yesterday and she still won't answer. I figured this would be something she would "get" because they got married on my mom's b-day, she asked to have a piece of my mom's wedding dress and a bunch of other things. All of which I agreed to.

I know it's not REALLY borrowed but if SIL won't let me borrow her ering then I'm counting my mom's wedding ring as my something borrowed. I am not superstitious and don't believe our marriage will fail because it's not 100% borrowed. Despite the fact that I inherited it, it's not truly mine and therefore is borrowed enough for me.

And Siepel - tell me about it! Frig, my SIL is a piece of work (crazy selfish and LAZY as fluck) and my FSIL is just immature and trying to make the wedding about her.

amandaorgan · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2012-weddings_does-this-count-as-borrowed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:56b9bcef-1e34-456e-81f5-cfaa107456b2Discussion:c292a4fc-98ba-4c71-b414-05e7a7eab918Post:90c05c3a-3ff6-4cbe-8e8a-6da28466aa65">Re: Does this count as borrowed?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok, I think there's some confusion. I am tying my mothers wedding ring to my bouquet for sure which I inherited. I have asked my SIL to borrow her ering (which was my Mom's) for the ceremony. Last week when I asked if she had made a decision she said she was thinking about it. I texted her again yesterday and she still won't answer. I figured this would be something she would "get" because they got married on my mom's b-day, she asked to have a piece of my mom's wedding dress and a bunch of other things. All of which I agreed to. I know it's not REALLY borrowed but if SIL won't let me borrow her ering then I'm counting my mom's wedding ring as my something borrowed. I am not superstitious and don't believe our marriage will fail because it's not 100% borrowed. Despite the fact that I inherited it, it's not truly mine and therefore is borrowed enough for me. And Siepel - tell me about it! Frig, my SIL is a piece of work (crazy selfish and LAZY as fluck) and my FSIL is just immature and trying to make the wedding about her.
Posted by achiduck[/QUOTE]

This is exactly what Ithought you meant, no worries. I just don't see how people can side with the SIL. It's not as if your bro went out and bought it and you are asking for the most random something borrowed - her ering. I was your mothers. I would think of it as trying to include your mom and your SIL in the SB tradition.

I'm sorry, I just don't think the reasoning of "but its her ring" as logical. Yes, it is HER ring now, but does she not have enough compassion to realize that this would mean a lot to you? I mean, surely she has/had a mother of her own and could put herself in your shoes.

Annoying. dealing with some dumb FSIL drama myself. Like you said though, if it comes down to it you can use your moms band as the something borrowed. As long as you think of it as borrowed that is really the only thing that matters.

Good luck and keep us updated!

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