Should I invite the priest?

Theresa626 · May 2010

Let me start by saying that I don't want to invite the priest. I don't have a personal relationship with him but my fiance did his confirmation with him so he does know the priest fairly well. My fiance doesn't care if he is invited. Also, it would be really expensive to have him come to the reception and I'm really trying to limit it to only people we know well. I'm not inviting a lot of distant friends that I would've liked to come because of trying to keep the numbers down. Also, I don't really care to have him see me booty dancing or drinking and having a good time. It would make me feel awkward. Also, we have to pay him so he's not doing the wedding for free.

Why am I asking then? Because apparently, it's considered very rude to not invite the priest. Over on the Catholic board, every single solitary person is inviting the priest and sending him a formal invite. Most people invite the priest and I'm guessing he's expecting an invite.

Also, apparently, we're supposed to invite him to the rehearsal dinner too but my fiance's family is really strict about who's coming to that. In fact, they won't let me have a flower girl at the wedding because they don't want to pay for four more people at the rehearsal dinner and they won't let us pay either.

So, should I invite the priest so as to not hurt his feelings or be a super rude person? Or just say screw it and do what I want?

BananaMustang · May 2010

Are you doing any type of cocktail hour that you could invite him to stay afterwards and mingle with Guests?

We plan to just verbally invite our officiant to stay for the cocktail hour...Granted, it is a bit different having an officiant vs a priest....but my guess is unless the priest is close to the both of you and the family, he wouldnt stay anyways....But that's my personal guess...I could be totally wrong...

Pretty Parula · May 2010

I am pretty close to our chaplain, and he didn't stay for the rehearsal dinner, and he left the reception early, I think Banana's right, yours probably will decline the offer. I understand wanting to have a solid plan, though.

mlharbis · May 2010

Yes it is considered rude to not invite the priest. He will be expecting an invite and if he doesn't get one he may just assume that he is invited since he has most likely been invited to all other weddings he has done. But, I doubt he will stay for the dancing. I feel like every priest or officiant or whatever you call them you have to pay for their service so that sound't be a factor in whether you invite them or not (unless the fee is excessive- like over $300).
I am not close to ours, he is newish to the church etc and don't have huge ties to the church but it is important to me to invite him and it is important to my gma (even though she would never say it). I sent him a formal invite and an invite to the rehearsal to his office at the church.
BUT, don't do anything you don't want to- its your day and in the end all that matters is that you are happy. Nothing big will happen if you don't invite him. Esp if inviting him will break your budget!
What do your parents think?

SarahSmile23 · May 2010

yeah, you are supposed to invite him to the rehearsal dinner and to the reception. good luck!

meghanmcadams · May 2010

Think of it this way... you pay for food for your DJ/Band, Photographer and any other onsite vendors, so why would you not pay for/invite the Priest?

MrsWhitneyAmanda · May 2010

I'm sure we were supposed to invite ours but we didn't. I don't even think MIL invited him to the rehearsal dinner (I know he didn't come to it...). DH has been a member at our church for half of his life but our priest has only been a part of our parish for a few years now. Neither of us is close to him and I'm pretty sure he didn't meet my in-laws, who were members at our church until SIL was born six years ago, until the rehearsal. *shrug* It may have been a faux pas on our part but the way I saw it we got to have two more people at our reception who 1) we wanted there and 2) stayed the whole time, because we didn't invite him out of obligation to just come for dinner and leave.

Theresa626 · May 2010

The dinner will be around two hundred dollars a person after tax and gratuity. I am also required to pay him two hundred dollars in cash in an envelope to officiate our wedding. The photographer and wedding coordinator are not costing me two hundred dollars. they are getting vendor meals and quite obviously, I am not paying for any alcohol for them. It would be insulting to give the priest a vendor meal though. Honestly, I'd rather not invite him. Given these mixed answers, I'm still not sure what I'm going to do.

As far as the cocktail hour, it is two hours after the ceremony and half an hour away. I really don't think I can invite him just for that.

mlharbis · May 2010

Out of curiosity, what is your menu? For $200 a head I just want to hear how fab it is!!!!
Other than that, yes, you are supposed to invite him, but no, nothing will happen to you if you don't. Do whatever you want!

Theresa626 · May 2010

It's expensive because it's at the Portofino Bay Hotel and nothing about that place is reasonably priced. You pay for the location and the beauty of the ballroom and the picturesque grounds.

However, we did our food tasting already and it was absolutely incredible.

Menu:

Cocktail hour: black and blue beef satay with roquefort fondue, brie pear and almond phyllo, salmon yakitori with mirin pear sauce, prosciutto lollipops, smoked chicken tartlet with apple chutney

Signature drink: champagne with edible wild hibiscus flower and syrup

Salad: mesclun bouquet in a roma tomato with crumbled gorgonzola, poached chianti pear, maytag and walnut cracker, sweet and spicy walnuts and balsalmic vinaigrette

entree: Filet mignon with cabernet demi glace, herb crostini, fontina mashed potatoes and mixed roasted vegetables

Cake: amaretto with trifle of mixed berries and chocolate fudge with a little kirsch and fresh raspberries.

The price also pays for five hours of open bar.

mlharbis · May 2010

Um that menu sounds amazing!!!!!!!! I bet you are excited!

Theresa626 · May 2010

Thanks, I am really excited about the food. The quality of the food was extremely important to me and steak was a must.

Should I invite the priest?

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