NEED ADVICE!!

JessicaCrystalGailAmerson · July 2011

Okay im at a serious loss on how to go about this. A buddy of my FI recently got engaged (not exactly his bff but an ok guy if you know what i mean). Hes so happy with this girl and im happy for them...until saturday night. Me and a girlfriend went out of town to go to a kareoke bar. We got there and everything was going good.(FYI i was the designated driver that night so i didnt drink the first drop) and then i saw her. My fi buddys girlI was MAKING OUT with another guy. ok some of yall are thinking that maybe i mistaked this girl for her but im absolutly sure that this is her. thinking what i was i decided to get a closer look and headed for the bathroom (which was were they were making out) i walked right past her and sure enough it was her. she has only seen me a few times and apparently didnt recognize me. I went into the restroom and right after me she comes in too. she calls her FI and tells him that shes gonna stay the night with her "girlfriend" and drive her home cuz shes too drunk to drive. she left with the guy NOT a girl. What do i say? Im not exactly friends with this guy but id hate for him to marry her after what i have seen. will he believe me or just say im jealous or something? I dont have any proof. I havent said anything to anyone because i know if i do everything will be rumored and twisted and not the truth.

lindseyann410 · July 2011

Wow. What a sucky position to be in.

Okay, it's not really your place. With that said, if I were him, I would want to know if my fiance was a cheating ho-bag. Not sure if you're how he should find out though.

grcrocio · July 2011

WOW that sucks.... with that said I would stay out of it. It is just going to bring drama into your life that you do not need.

jagore08 · July 2011

Have you brought this up with your FI? What does he think?

rachelalexsmith · July 2011

Anonymous message?

MairePoppy · July 2011

That's tough. If he was a close friend, I would say you should tell him. Wouldn't you want to know? You should tell your fi what you saw. It was very nice of you not to gossip about this to anyone else.

AutumnFair · July 2011

If this is a good guy, I would let your FI know. Your FI might have a better understanding on if this should be reported to his buddy. I really think it would be better for you to tell the story to his buddy because then "rumors" can't fly around, then it's up to him to determine if he wants to look into the matter. Very awkward situation for sure, hopefully everything works out.

jerseydevil · July 2011

That's so awkward! I would say something to FI and defer to his judgement on whether to tell his friend or not.

On one hand it's between him and his gf and on the other hand, how can you be friends with some one and NOT say something?

bstent · July 2011

I agree that this guy deserves to know, BUT be very very careful and keep in mind that often it's the messenger who gets shot. Imagine this scenerio: You tell him what you saw, he talks to his FI, she denies it (which she most likely will), he believes her, she hates you because she knows you know the truth and got involved in her relationship, he takes his FI's side, awkwardness and possible ending of friendships. She might even tell mutual friends that you "made up" rumours about her to try to end her relationship. If she's willing to cheat and lie to her fiance, she may also be willing to lie and slander your name to try to get people on her side.

That being said, the poor guy... I hope he finds out somehow. If you do decide to do something then you should definitely talk to FI first and see what he thinks you should do, but honestly, I would want to stay faaaaaaar out of this one... I've never ever seen it go well for the messenger when they are telling a friend about an unfaithful partner.

krk949 · July 2011

I say TELL HIM!! My FI went through a similar situation. He caught his buddy's girlfriend and then fiancee cheating on him. Both times he approached the guy. They did end up getting married, but it got really bad after that.
I have been cheated on before and the first time was not told, then the second time someone told me. It was the greatest knowing. I didn't feel like such a dip-sh*t walking around after, b/c at least I knew. I really encourage people to tell. It is the HARDEST thing to do, but I know being told, it is the most liberating and best thing that happened to me, b/c if I didn't know and break it off with the guy, I never would have met my future husband.

Good Luck! Hope everything turns out.

kmmssg · July 2011

I agree with talking to your FI, but however it shakes it, I think his buddy needs to know. My first husband cheated repeatedly and when I found how many of my friends knew, I was devastated because I had no idea. I found very little loyalty in that.

I do agree withe stent - sometimes the messenger is the one who gets shot down, but maybe reminding this guy that you were out of town and knew exactly what she said will help.

Sometimes you need to MYOB, and other times you need to be the one who gets the truth out. He deserves to know before thousands of dollars are spent on a sham wedding, and he ends up in a horrible divorce.

NicnJen01 · July 2011

Whether this guy is a good guy or a bad guy he needs to be told. No one good nor "bad" deserves treatment like that. if not tell the girl too that you know, there doesn't need to be any "guessing" who could it have been. If not be a little greedy. What would make you feel better, keeping it to yourself or telling him. Is your moral clock set where you can forget this and let this guy marry this woman who clearly doesn't have respect for him that he deserves? The fact that she's putting him in danger with potential partners with STD's (not the good kind) That if this does fail potentially after marraige which can be even more costly and hurtful?

I've lost a friend that I found out was cheating... I did not care for his Fiancee much but that didn't matter no one deserves to be in the dark. I told her lost his friendship (which didn't matter the cheating that is a quality that I don't respect in a person, and to flaunt they're getting away with it is distasteful, especially as a friend that has been consoled plenty of times bc of a cheating boyfriend in the past) They're getting married still actually this year I think, one of my other friends is in the wedding and I saw on FB I'm not invited. She know's who she's marrying and can make her choice, whether they talked about it or they deemed me a liar.

I'm not going to cover up something that my moral compass says is wrong- I'll end up making myself miserable and yet I wasn't a party in the mess! I have a lot of friends who chose to cover up the indisgressions too, i'm not friends with them either anymore and it's okay, I mean if they could do this in a situation where this girl is a best friend and they won't say anything, how can I expect them to really have my back?

You never know what will happen but doing what you think is right, you can't feel badly about it.

NEED ADVICE!!

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