I just need to confess something and I hope you guys won't look down on me for it, and I'm not doing it to be an attention whore. I might DD later because them internets is a dangerous place, but I don't want to announce it on FB. I called a suicide hotline tonight. No, I am not suicidal, but I am depressed. FI was asleep and I couldn't, I was just up, angsting. I read, I watch TV, but I decided what I really needed was to talk to someone. Problem was, it was after 1am. I always see messages on PostSecret about Hopeline, about how they saved their lives, just because someone was there to talk to. I know you girls are here for me, but I decided I needed a comforting voice. For the first time, to a complete and unjudgmental stranger, I unloaded. I told him everything that had gone wrong in the past year. Job wise, money wise, health wise. I cried. I wept openly. He listened, reassured me. He said I need to realize that asking for help doesn't make me a bad person or a burden, and calling Hopeline was a good step in the right direction. He gave me a number to call that will help set me up with free mental health care if I wanted it. I cried all over again, because I had no idea that was an option. I'm writing this on my phone while sitting on the porch. I am wearing only my coat over my pajamas - no shoes, socks or gloves. But I'm okay. I feel lighter. Thanks you guys, for listening. I love you all. I'm sorry if I made you guys depressed with this post but I trust you. I feel so at home on this board. I stood before my kitchen wall earlier today, covered with cards from Liv, lunar, GPB, Irish and several others....and I got so overwhelmed that I cried again! FI asked, what's wrong? I said - nothing is wrong! I just feel loved! I think that's it for me right now. My fingers are quite numb. Good night, ladies

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"Bside - You're just too sexy for your own good" ~ leia1979
"True love = I still love you even though we hang out all the time and most other people would be tired of each other already" ~ flygirlmeg
Re: Hopeline
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Married! May 27th, 2012
If you need anything at all, I am here. Lots of hugs to you!
Your post didn't make me depressed at all, it made me proud.
B, you are doing the best you can and that guy was right to say that asking for help doesn't make you a bad person or a burden.
I'm proud of you for taking that risk of doing something unknown and calling. It looks like it ended up being a very positive experience for you and that you'll get even more out of it too!
Just remember you are an amazing person!
My Bio - updated 26/3/2011
You done good!
Still here and still fabulous!
[QUOTE]B, I think you are amazing.
Posted by AudgiePodge[/QUOTE]
This. You are so awesome bside.
That's great that you called them and had someone to talk to - it sounds like that person was pretty awesome as well. The fact that you gave yourself what you needed, and recognized how loved you are, makes me feel like you are going to be just fine.
We love you no matter what. There is no shame at all in knowing yourself well enough to know when you need a little extra help. I admire the crap out of you. I'd kick anyone that judged you for that.
And I agree with Audgie, you are amazing. Just know we are always here for you. xoxo
I'm pm-ing you my phone number. If you ever want to talk, text or call me. My phone is on loud all night long!!