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Houston, we might have a problem...

LnL60810LnL60810
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in Chit Chat
My soon to be MiL is a very selfish person when it comes to my F. We haven't told her that we are getting married yet bc when we do we know how she is going to react. To my face she is going to act like she is happy as a clam but behind my back she is going to go on about how I am taking her son away. To be completely honest she gets on my nerves quite a bit. She is 66 going on 3.

On to the real problem...
She has been married at least 5 times and I don't want to wear one of her engagement rings. If she offers it I will have to refuse and that's where the problem is. My eye teeth doesn't see the bluntness coming and I know I will hurt her feelings. Then she will run and tell everyone how mean I was to her and that I don't appreciate anything. Can someone give me an idea on how to politely refuse the rings? What about how to deal with the back stabbing?
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Re: Houston, we might have a problem...

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    vanityinkvanityink member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    For the ring, do you not have one already? Just get a ring and then when she offers one of hers say "Thank you so much, but FI picked out an amazing ring already! I love it!" And hold up your hand to show her.
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    StephBeanWed61502StephBeanWed61502 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    First of all, there is way too much gossip going on in this family across the board. After all, how would you even know what she was saying behind your back if other immature people weren't running back to you to tattle when your FMIL talks to them? Ignore anything she doesn't say to your face. As for the ring, just go with your FI to buy the ring you want before you tell her. Then when she offers an old ring, just say "that's so sweet, but I am happy to keep the ring FI and I picked out together." There is nothing more to say on that topic, and if she wants to keep talking about it, change the subject or leave the conversation.
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    LnL60810LnL60810
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    That's just it we don't have a ring yet bc we want a trio and we haven't found one that we both like.
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    LnL60810LnL60810
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    In Response to Re:Houston, we might have a problem...:[QUOTE]First of all, there is way too much gossip going on in this family across the board. After all, how would you even know what she was saying behind your back if other immature people weren't running back to you to tattle when your FMIL talks to them? Ignore anything she doesn't say to your face.

    As for the ring, just go with your FI to buy the ring you want before you tell her. Then when she offers an old ring, just say "that's so sweet, but I am happy to keep the ring FI and I picked out together." There is nothing more to say on that topic, and if she wants to keep talking about it, change the subject or leave the conversation. Posted by StephBeanWed61502[/QUOTE]

    I TOTALLY agree. She is the worlds worst about it too. She will hang up with one person and call someone else and say "Did you hear..." To be honest if you want something told she is the first person you should call.
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    StephBeanWed61502StephBeanWed61502 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to Re:Houston, we might have a problem...:[QUOTE]That's just it we don't have a ring yet bc we want a trio and we haven't found one that we both like. Posted by LnL60810[/QUOTE]

    Have your FI handle the question. "Mom, we so appreciate your generous offer, but we are really looking forward to picking out a matching trio, together, so we'll have to decline."
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    GoodLuckBear14GoodLuckBear14 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_houston-we-might-have-a-problem?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:14878fe3-77ff-4703-8fc1-15a4a8747b75Post:970f3062-6a0f-4aff-a265-3827936f3b01">Re:Houston, we might have a problem...</a>:
    [QUOTE]That's just it we don't have a ring yet bc we want a trio and we haven't found one that we both like.
    Posted by LnL60810[/QUOTE]

    This isn't your problem.  I'm sorry but your FI is the one who needs to be the one to tell his mother that he is going to buy you your own engagement ring.  It would help tremendously if he told her alone that he does not want any of hers because he wants it to be HIS gift to you.  That way, she has no way to blame you for this.  If she manages to find a way, then again it is up to your FI to put a stop to it.
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    StephBeanWed61502StephBeanWed61502 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    And LnL, you are completely missing my point about the gossip thing. My point is, how do you even know what she is saying "behind your back" unless OTHER PEOPLE are telling you? Sure, your FMIL is a gossip, but if other gossips weren't constantly whispering in your ear about what she supposedly says about you, you wouldn't even know about FMIL. You need to shut down THOSE people, by telling them you don't want to hear any gossip about FMIL anymore.
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    KatWAGKatWAG member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    THis isnt an issue. Buy your own ring. Have your Fi tell his Mom thanks but no thanks.
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    StephJean83StephJean83 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_houston-we-might-have-a-problem?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:14878fe3-77ff-4703-8fc1-15a4a8747b75Post:a295dfce-be66-4bb6-b4fe-c78c5adfab57">Re:Houston, we might have a problem...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Houston, we might have a problem...: I TOTALLY agree. She is the worlds worst about it too. <strong>She will hang up with one person and call someone else and say "Did you hear..." To be honest if you want something told she is the first person you should call.
    </strong>Posted by LnL60810[/QUOTE]

    Wow!!! Your FMIL sounds an awful lot like my grandma, which is why I have no communication with her at all. I allow my dad(her son) to inform her on anything major going on in my life.

    As PP have said, go with your FI and select a ring that you both love and if she offers you a ring just show her the ring you selected together and tell her that you love it. If she does talk bad about you to other relatives and they tell you, smile at them nicely and tell that you don't want to hear what she has to say. If they keep bringing it up, as posters have said on other posts, bean dip them. "Cousin Suzy, I really don't want to hear what FMIL has to say since she has been so supportive of us." "But she said that you refused her ring and she said the ring you have is ugly." "Have you tried the bean dip, it is delish!"
    You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back. - Barbara DeAngelis
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    drandreasalazardrandreasalazar member
    First Answer First Anniversary First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_houston-we-might-have-a-problem?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:14878fe3-77ff-4703-8fc1-15a4a8747b75Post:7d3ad35b-cff3-4f3a-9e0d-ca6a94899a1b">Re: Houston, we might have a problem...</a>:
    [QUOTE]For the ring, do you not have one already? Just get a ring and then when she offers one of hers say "Thank you so much, but FI picked out an amazing ring already! I love it!" And hold up your hand to show her.
    Posted by jessicadall[/QUOTE]

    yup
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