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Still and we're three days away?

blaxnubianblaxnubian
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in Interracial Weddings
The wedding is three days away and my FMIL is still bringing up our racial differences and our future children and what they look like. I told my FI that my biggest and only worry for the wedding is her. She's told me on several occasions that she's not looking forward to the wedding and our marriage. She's told everyone including my mother that she doesn't want to come to the wedding. He says that we won't even notice her but my family will and they will react if she does something crazy and off the wall. Is anyone else going through this or been through and have some advice? I'm to the point now where I do not want her there but I cannot think like that since she's my FMIL.

Cassandra
www.bridewithquestions.blogspot.com
image 153 Invited
image 115 say they can't wait
image 26 Can't make it
image 12 Have not respond
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Re: Still and we're three days away?

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    mybooboosmybooboos member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    2 days away...how exciting!!  So happy for you!!

    Why can't you think that way?  If there is someone that downgrades you and speaks negatively at every turn regarding your upcoming marriage, why do you have to want them at your wedding?  If it were anyone else, would you have invited them?  Hopefully not.

    What does your FI say regarding all of these comments?  Does he confront her, or say nothing - which is a silent acceptance?  It should be his battle to fight, not yours, since it's his mother.  He he disagrees with her comments, than he should talk to her.

    "Mom, you have made several comments regarding your unhappiness with my decision to marry Cassandra.  You may not like it, but it's my life and my happiness, and I would hope that you would support me as your son, and work towards building a relationship with her.  If you feel that you cannot at least support me on my wedding day, than I'd prefer that you not attend at all, rather than attend and spew negativity on one of the happiest days of my life.  I want you there, but not like this."

    Something along those lines may help.  If he's not said anything to her yet, than maybe she's just looking to see if he loves you enough to stand up to his mother.  If he has, and she's not backed down, maybe not having her attend is not a bad thing.  Regrettable, but not bad...

    Good luck!
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    marinabreezemarinabreeze
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    edited December 2011
    I am so sorry this is happening to you, and so close to the wedding :-(. 

    I agree with mybooboos.  Your FI really should have a talk with his mother and make it clear to her that her comments are unacceptable, and if she cannot support the marriage, it's best she not attend. 

    I get that you don't want to think of your FMIL like that, but the fact is that you and your FI are getting married and starting your lives together, possibly with children of your own.  So I think you have to think like that.  It's toxic to have someone around who is negative about your upcoming marriage to your FI.  It's a tough decision, but he needs to "leave and cleave," meaning that if his mom chooses not to support his decision to marry you, he has a decision to make.  And if he does the right thing and chooses you over her, she is the only one to blame for that.

    ETA:  I see that your wedding will be today.  I am soo sending happy and blessed wedding vibes your way!  May this be an awesome day for you!
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