Who has had a catholic ceremony

CaylaSummer · September 2010

Hey lades,

So I called my church 2 weeks ago and still no response. My first initial call, I was told by the person at the church that the priest was on vacation. Fine fair enough so I called again this past tuesday to see what was happening. I got the same story and was told that I would get a call back 'soon'. I left my phone number and my name again and have not heard from them yet.

Is this normal to wait 2 weeks before the priest makes an appt with the couple getting married. I don't want to keep calling but it will be 3 weeks by next tuesday. I cannot look for any reception hall until we get an ok from the church. Arggh frustrating..I would like to have my wedding next august but if I keep waiting then I am not going to find a good venue that might have our date next year.

Littlin · September 2010

Well if the priest is on vacation, there is nothing you can do until he gets back - they need time off too!

We called and made an appointment for 2 weeks later for the exact same reason (the priest was about to leave for vacation) back in 2009. After that we didn't have any problems getting a hold of the priest during the year.

I suggest you talk to the priest after mass on Sunday? They prefer that you go and speak to them anyway, so they know you actually attend mass.

ring_pop · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_canada-toronto_catholic-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:613Discussion:a6a3486d-2992-4db2-9c3b-25497639ab13Post:cc960248-9a0e-4caa-90e2-51dd38c9dfbc">Re: Who has had a catholic ceremony</a>:
[QUOTE]Well if the priest is on vacation, there is nothing you can do until he gets back - they need time off too! [/QUOTE]
Ditto!

[QUOTE]
I suggest you talk to the priest after mass on Sunday? They prefer that you go and speak to them anyway, so they know you actually attend mass.
Posted by Littlin[/QUOTE]
Double ditto! Even the pastor is still not around, go to the church office after mass and see if they'll help you make an appointment or at least tell you when he'll be back. They're usually more receptive if they know who you are that that you come on Sundays.

CaylaSummer · September 2010

Hey guys,

Oh yeah the priest needs a vacation too. I get that but when I called 2 weeks ago I was told he was going to be back that week. When I called this past tuesday no one seemed to have the information I had left and was told again that the priest will be back this week. Fast fwd to today, so I happen to check my voicemail and I had a message from the church from tuesday. For some reason I did not get this voicemail until today. Ok. My fault. After speaking to the lady at the church she was asking about my address. So I was honest with her and told her that I have moved to a different address. She wanted to know where I live now and explained that ideally I should be going to the church where I live now which I I already knew after speaking to a family friend that also goes to the same church. I had already called the church near where I live and explained that I live in the neighborhood however I go to another parish and that I have never gone to that church. So the lady from the parish where I live now basically said that I should be asking the parish I am registered because that's where I have my history.

Then the other thing is they want another issue of my baptismal certificate. See the problem is I don't know how easy it is to get this as I was not born in Canada. It could take weeks or months before I even get this certificate and the lady made it sound like I needed it before the priest even agrees to marry us. As well, I don't go to mass as often as I should be and I explained to the lady how busy I have been for the past 3 yrs but anyway there probably isn't a good a excuse why I should be missing mass. So now I have to wait for the priest to call me to get an appt. I have to say I'm kind of nervous about speaking to the priest. I feel like I have to say the right things but I know I need to be honest. I feel like he is going to say no given the circumstances (different address, My FI- non catholic, cohabitating b4 marriage, not attending church regularly).

I know you ladies might be thinking...then why get married in the church? because I was silly and just realize that I would like to have a church wedding if I can and my preference is to have my kids one day to be catholic. I don't really have a question but just needed to vent and maybe someone out there had the same similar experience.

ring_pop · September 2010

OK. First of all, take a deep breath. You seem really stressed... it'll all work out!

Don't jump to conclusions and worry before it's warranted. Like, did the lady actually SAY "You need to bring your baptism certificate to the first meeting"? Or did it just sound that way? You'll definitely need it at some point, but probably not right now. We didn't need ours at our first meeting (but then again, the priest knew us because we're regular parishioners). Just explain to them that you were baptized in another country, but you're working on getting the certificate.

I was born and baptized in Hong Kong. I just called the parish where I was baptized, told them that I'm getting married, and they knew exactly what to do with the certificate. It's standard procedure pretty much all over the world. International mail only takes a few days in transit.

You're getting the run-around from the two parishes because, in a sense, they're both making some reasonable assumptions. The church you called assumed that you're going to mass regularly near your home. The church near you assumed that you're still attending the church where you're registered. Either way, they want you to get married at the church you attend.

I'm sorry to say, but they usually have little sympathy for the whole "I've been too busy for church" story. BUT they would warm up to "I've been busy... but I want to come back." After all, Catholicism is all about forgiveness, right? Remember the prodigal son?

If you want to get married at the original church you called, explain to them that you want to continue being registered there and attending mass there despite living far away. If you want to get married at the church closer to home, go register there.

I saw your other post on the Catholic Brides board, and from that I hope that you're not only thinking about the church wedding, but also your life afterwards. if you've now realized that being Catholic is important to you, start going to mass. Don't stress about that stuff about your FI being non-Catholic, cohabitating, etc. Very few priests will flat out refuse to marry you for these reasons. The biggest reason they might refuse is if you fail to show any interest in continuing to practice your faith. Be honest with the priest. If a Catholic wedding is important to you, you owe it to yourselves to be honest.

CaylaSummer · September 2010

Thanks Ringpop,

Yes I am stressed. I'm glad you saw my post in another thread. I have always believe in the catholic church and have never had any interest in following any other religion and yes I would like to become more active in the church now and the near future especially when children are of concern.

I'm just going to wait it out and see what happens. The parish I'm registered at is affiliated with a grade school to which I attended and also attended a catholic high school. I know there are other ways to get married besides a church ceremony but like I said I would prefer to have a church wedding if I can. My mother is working on contacting friends back home to see if she can have someone go to that church and get the certificate or find some way to get it. The reason I'm a bit stressed is that I wanna have my wedding next august because that's when I have time off from work and everything would be much smoother if we were to do it that month otherwise we would have to wait another year. thanks again

Littlin · September 2010

We got our certificates for our first meeting, but they will understand if you have to get it from another country. We looked for a church within our area but we didn't really start attending there until we got engaged - we both went to our own families parishes. We also told the priest we lived together and he still agreed to marry us. Hopefully you can make an appointment, explain why you want to marry in that church, and talk to the priest - that's the best way to figure everything out. Until then - no stress - do what you can to get your certificate and enjoy engaged life with your fiance!

colourz · September 2010

Depending on the reception hall you are interested in, they may hold a date for you. Mine held the date for a few weeks until we were able to work things out.

Meaghann17 · September 2010

I am not Catholic, but my FI is and we are getting married at the Catholic church he has attended his whole life, but he was baptised at a different church a few towns away.

Requesting the certificate seemed odd to me considering we were able to give them FI's copy of it. I was really stressed about them not being able to find the info or whatever, but it seemed that this was 100% normal practice for Catholic weddings. So don't fret! I am sure as pp have said internationally they are used to this.FI called on a Monday and it was mailed to him by that Friday. One thing: when you do get it, we didn't open it as the Priest didn't want us to for authenticity. He told us he has dealt with many forgeries and such in recent years (so pathetic what some people will do) so he likes to open the envelope to ensure it hasnt been tampered with.

good luck! and the priest will likely give you the date tentatively without your certificate.. the bishop just won't be able to approve it until you do. But he should have no problem with taking some time to get a certificate internationally

ring_pop · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_canada-toronto_catholic-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:613Discussion:a6a3486d-2992-4db2-9c3b-25497639ab13Post:18da511a-e44c-4494-8502-a809891470ab">Re: Who has had a catholic ceremony</a>:
[QUOTE]Requesting the certificate seemed odd to me considering we were able to give them FI's copy of it. I was really stressed about them not being able to find the info or whatever, but it seemed that this was 100% normal practice for Catholic weddings.
Posted by Meaghann17[/QUOTE]

The reason they need it from the church, and not just your own copy, is because the church where you are baptized keeps a record of ALL of your sacraments. So when your FI was confirmed, the original baptism record would be amended to note that. Same with marriage. It's also their way of checking that the person is not already married. Your own copy of the baptism certificate probably doesn't have this info.

Meaghann17 · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_canada-toronto_catholic-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:613Discussion:a6a3486d-2992-4db2-9c3b-25497639ab13Post:f85e2523-2245-4744-aada-3843fd979c6a">Re: Who has had a catholic ceremony</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Who has had a catholic ceremony : The reason they need it from the church, and not just your own copy, is because the church where you are baptized keeps a record of ALL of your sacraments. So when your FI was confirmed, the original baptism record would be amended to note that. Same with marriage. It's also their way of checking that the person is not already married. Your own copy of the baptism certificate probably doesn't have this info.
Posted by ring_pop[/QUOTE]

yep thats exactly what the priest told us! and he said records iwould be amended at both churches (in FI case he was baptised at one, confirmed and married at a different one). the priest also told us a lot of people attempt to forge this process and that if they are being dishonest it comes out at that stage.. seems kind of pathetic to lie to a priest! can't believe how low some people will go.

OP did you have any luck tracking down your stuff?

CaylaSummer · September 2010

hey all,

so i just wanted to share the good news that the priest at my my parish agreed to marry my FI and I. Yay. The priest was really nice. We were just completely honest and I just let my FI say whatever is on his mind. It was a quick meeting and we have a date..Aug 20.

Thanks everyone. I was stressing out for no reason.

Littlin · September 2010

Glad it all worked out!

Meaghann17 · September 2010

woo hoo congrats!

zeitgeist1945 · October 2010

Don't know if it helps but I am in the same circumstance- foreign born. Met with out Preist last night for the first time and he told me that if it is too hard to contact the church my mother can send in a signed letter, he will call her to confirm.

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