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Is it ever going to happen.....

SaYiDo2U22SaYiDo2U22 member
First Comment
in Not Engaged Yet
I been with my guy for three years and we live with his two kids from his x wife. She isn't really in the picture so the kids look up to me as a mom. We bought a house together and everything is good. About a month ago we started looking at rings and that was exciting. Now he doesn't talk about it at all and i get asked all the time when are you two getting married. Every event that comes up i wonder if tonight is going to be that night. Is this holiday going to be the day.....but it ends up not. I think he is still scared to get hurt again.....i don't know. How do i know when to see the signs he is being serious. I am wondering if it is ever going to happen Undecided  I try not to think about it but hey im a girl i cant help it. haha
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Re: Is it ever going to happen.....

  • bethsmilesbethsmiles member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    If you want to know where the relationship is going you need to sit down and have an adult conversation with the person you are in a relationship with. Communication is key to making any relationship work so if you can't talk about this you shouldn't be getting married anyway.

    Talking about it does not mean nagging him about proposing but making sure that the two of you are on the same page and then putting on your patient pants and letting him ask when he is ready.


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  • thelamarrsthelamarrs
    500 Comments Name Dropper First Anniversary
    Congrats on a long and happy relationship, but to be honest you could potentially ruin that relationship by getting upset with him or doubting his feelings for you because he hasn't proposed.

    If you really want to know whats going on, then talk to him. 
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    ididn't i just say... i dont give a fuuuuuuuuuck?
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  • RWS2011RWS2011 member
    500 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    If you are living with his children, treated as part of the family, and you have shopped for houses and rings, these are all signs he IS serious about you.  Three years feels like a long time.  That is about the same time I got the itch and decided BF and I needed to have a chat about the future.  Since we have been having open dialogues from the beginning of our relationship about what we want, it was easy to just jump into the discussion a bit more seriously.  I would say you need to calmly chat with him about where you would like to see yourselves in a few years and check in to see if that is the same thing he is thinking.  Then, you need to relax and continue to enjoy the relationship you have with him now.  Good luck!
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  • lunarsongbirdlunarsongbird member
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Have an adult conversation....and then drop it.

    The reason he may not want to talk about it anymore is that he wants the engagement to be a surprise? (You did look at rings, after all.) Would you prefer it if he just handed you the ring while you were doing laundry?
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  • kellyt89kellyt89 member
    Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ever-going-happen?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:9e958916-8a5b-4e9e-a90b-59a41c803716Post:75a60f28-aa29-4301-b398-0eba66e525fa">Re: Is it ever going to happen.....</a>:
    [QUOTE]Have an adult conversation....and then drop it. The reason he may not want to talk about it anymore is that he wants the engagement to be a surprise? (You did look at rings, after all.) Would you prefer it if he just handed you the ring while you were doing laundry?
    Posted by lunarsongbird[/QUOTE]

    This. If you looked at rings a month ago he might have bought one and now is waiting for a good time.
    And if the stormy weather came...I'd just kiss you in the rain... Daisypath Anniversary tickers image
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  • Ollie08Ollie08 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ever-going-happen?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:9e958916-8a5b-4e9e-a90b-59a41c803716Post:75a60f28-aa29-4301-b398-0eba66e525fa">Re: Is it ever going to happen.....</a>:
    [QUOTE]Have an adult conversation....and then drop it. The reason he may not want to talk about it anymore is that he wants the engagement to be a surprise? (You did look at rings, after all.) <strong>Would you prefer it if he just handed you the ring while you were doing laundry?
    </strong>Posted by lunarsongbird[/QUOTE]

    Hey now! I was proposed to while I was blow drying my hair lol half my head was straight and the other half a wavy, frizzy mess :-)

    jk I know you didn't mean it like <em>that</em> I just had to pick on you for a second.

    OP - I agree with everyone else, have an adult conversation and then drop it. More than likely he's just saying that because he's already got plans and he doesn't want to elude to them.

    Daisypath Anniversary tickers

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  • tulaqtulaq member
    10 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ever-going-happen?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:9e958916-8a5b-4e9e-a90b-59a41c803716Post:6517a966-4ac2-4737-909f-cfc126e2c1cf">Re: Is it ever going to happen.....</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm pretty sure looking for a ring and buying a house are both signs he's serious.<strong> I'd just have an honest talk with him and ask him what sort of timeline he sees for himself and you. </strong>
    Posted by LivLeighton[/QUOTE]

    Yup, this.
    "Don't treat your heart like an action figure, wrapped in plastic and never used." --Amy Poehler ribs
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  • loves2shop4shoesloves2shop4shoes member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited January 2012
    Whoa there Nelly.  Calm down.

    1.  You JUST started looking at rings a MONTH ago.  You do realize that he still needs to get his finances in order, buy the ring, plan the proposal, and propose right?  This can take a while.

    2.  If he was too scared and all that other nonsense you said, why would he have taken you ring shopping?

    3.  Seriously bad idea buying a place with someone you're not even engaged to.

    4.  Enjoy your relationship as it is now.  You'll never be ringless again.  Stop using every occasion as another opportunity to get a ring.  Start enjoying things for what they are now.

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  • HULUHULU
    500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ever-going-happen?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:9e958916-8a5b-4e9e-a90b-59a41c803716Post:62f2d527-4dd6-41aa-b413-5732af934272">Re: Is it ever going to happen.....</a>:
    [QUOTE]Whoa there Nelly.  Calm down. 1.  You JUST started looking at rings a MONTH ago.  You do realize that he still needs to get his finances in order, buy the ring, plan the proposal, and propose right?  This can take a while.
    Posted by loves2shop4shoes[/QUOTE]

    <div>I'll echo shoes here. FI had my ring for 8 months before proposing. Just a thought.</div>
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  • EdmqueenEdmqueen member
    10 Comments
    Searching the skys for one star, you'll miss all the others that are equally important. Remember that all things take time & trying to rush it won't help.

    PS, U mentioned his ex? Does she still live you guys?
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  • SaYiDo2U22SaYiDo2U22 member
    First Comment
     To kind of explain better we have been knowing each other for 5 years lived together for 2.5 years and have been dating for 3 years. I had the "adult Conversation and i got it will happen one day....and i told him i just think i am in a different place as him on this subject he said he is ready but hes not ready.....so i try to let it go... any advice on how to let it go lol Maybe even some advice to get people to stop asking when...lol
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  • SaYiDo2U22SaYiDo2U22 member
    First Comment
    edited January 2012
    BTW im ok with waiting im just nervous the waiting will turn into 3 more years.....since we already live together and are raising his two kids why should he feel like he has to get married. I understand where all of the people who said getting married before moving in together "dug my own grave"are coming from, but it didn't work at that way due to his divorce.....thats a long story in itself.
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  • SaYiDo2U22SaYiDo2U22 member
    First Comment
    Thanks for the replies everyone it does help me out.
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  • SaYiDo2U22SaYiDo2U22 member
    First Comment
    i want it to be a surprise i understand that i just want to know that he is atleast thinking about it...just have to wait and see..i try to think of it what will really change other than my name. Then i go back to i want babies one day...and that i AM waiting for marriage.
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