Okay so FIRST OF ALL, Noodle had a damn temper tantrum because I want some color other than blue in our house. I got some green throw pillows to go with the blue ones on our white couch and he was all "AHHHHHHHHH OMG YOU NEVAR LISTEN TO ME WHY DID YOU DO THAT OMG THOSE TWO DON'T EVEN GO TOGETHER." B*tch please, somewhere out there David Bromstad is clutching his fantastically coordinated pearls. If they're next to each other on the goddamn color wheel they go together. And he's all "WTF is a color wheel" and I'm all "What I'm going to run your ass over with if you don't let me decorate my motherf*cking house." Excuse me for not wanting it to look like Cookie Monster jizzed all over our goddamn house.
SO THEN I went to Homegoods and bought some towels, nice towels, white ones from Ralph Lauren. $9.99 each. GREAT deal. I bring them home to show him and he's happy, going on about what nice towels they are and how they'll go great in the bathroom. So I go "I know, right? And guess how much they were. $9.99. I couldn't believe it, what a great deal."
And his panties immediately start to wad and he's all "OH MY GOD YOU SPENT TEN DOLLARS ON A TOWEL WHY WOULD YOU SPEND THAT MUCH MONEY OH MY GOD AND BY THE WAY THE WORLD IS ENDING RIGHT NOW." I'm like "Hey. Drama queen. Ten dollars is a fantastic deal on a Ralph Lauren bath towel, dude. When is the last time you even BOUGHT a towel?" And he goes "Well...I haven't. I mean, my mom always buys me towels except for when you do."
SO THEN WHY ARE YOU FREAKING OUT. You don't even know how much a towel costs IN THE FIRST PLACE. I'VE SPENT THE LAST 8 MONTHS WATCHING NOTHING BUT HGTV AND POURING OVER PINTREST AND HOUZZ SO LET ME DO MY GODDAMN THING, MAN.
If I wanted to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I'd put shoes on the cat.
