We Are ELOPING!

mastermindkg · April 2010

Wow- first time I said that- ANYWHERE.

We knew we wanted to get married within the next year or so, but we don't want to shell out all that cash on a wedding.

If I had an infinite amount of money or David Tutera- trust me, I'd go all out.

But- we are doing Vegas! And as cheesy as it sounds, it's more of a compromise. He wanted to just do a civil marriage in court and all I want are pictures. So we are going to rent the gown and the tux and hire some sort of photographer to capture the day.

My dilema comes in- what are some ideas some of may have for a basic photography package, with maybe 20,30 or so pictures.

Other dilemma- How do we break the news to our parents and family? I was thinking an announcement card. OR even one of those movies with our childhood/wedding pictures.

Just so you know, we are thinking of inviting our families out for a weekend cruise for Spring of 2011. We'd think it's more memorable and we save a whole lot and sending invitations to that with the announcement.

Any ideas will be much appreciated. Thanks!

arbolita · April 2010

If you are getting married in Vegas, you should visit their local board - I'm sure they will have a ton of recommendations they could give you for photographer, as well as specific location.

As far as breaking the news to your parents, so not send them an announcement card after you're already married. If you are not man/woman enough to tell them face to face, then you shouldn't be getting married.

RachNRich · April 2010

Ditto Arbs on posting on the Vegas board---I'm the Mod over there; the girls will definitely be helpful in regards to photography:
http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_nevada-las-vegas

And, also Ditto Arbs on not sending an announcement to let them know. I'm assuming you love your families, right? Then let them know---before, not after. Vegas is a relatively inexpensive place to travel, and if you're up to it---they may want to join you. Just don't spring it on them.

andyandhillary · April 2010

Agreed. Tell them in person and before the wedding. You can still elope without being rude and hurtful.

stinkerbell6879 · April 2010

Agreed! tell them! and head over to the Vegas board....

september's bride · April 2010

Eloping doesn't have to mean it's a secret. Tell your parents before you go and at least give them the opportunity to react to this before it happens.

AlmostSt.Laurent · April 2010

Have a nice dinner with your parents and FH and let them know your thoughts... sending them something afterwards is a bit of a slap in the face to your parents.

justwonderin · April 2010

Depends on your family. In my family, I'd be incredibly hurt/offended if one of my siblings was getting married and didn't invite me and then invited me on a sort of celebratory cruise that I had to pay for months after the wedding. You're not saying you'd be paying for the cruise, would you?

mica178 · April 2010

Why Vegas? You could do a civil ceremony in Baltimore and have your parents and closest family over for dinner afterwards. That'd still be cheaper than flying out to Vegas.

And unless you want to really hurt their feelings, please tell your parents about the engagement now or at least before the wedding.

RachNRich · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_eloping-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:68861014-f665-4d33-8c32-5f96f4abea7dPost:251b32e6-184b-4114-a9e9-91189eb08c42">Re: We Are ELOPING!</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Why Vegas? </strong>You could do a civil ceremony in Baltimore and have your parents and closest family over for dinner afterwards. That'd still be cheaper than flying out to Vegas. And unless you want to really hurt their feelings, please tell your parents about the engagement now or at least before the wedding.
Posted by mica178[/QUOTE]

Cuz Vegas weddings are awesome <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-undecided.gif" border="0" alt="Undecided" title="Undecided" />

stinkerbell6879 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_eloping-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:68861014-f665-4d33-8c32-5f96f4abea7dPost:78758696-bc74-4012-9e19-9f73bdc09eda">Re: We Are ELOPING!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: We Are ELOPING! : Cuz Vegas weddings are awesome
Posted by RachNRich[/QUOTE]

Yes they are!! hehe:)

missy68 · April 2010

Vegas weddings ARE awesome, and don't have to be the cheesy set-up people think they are. You can have a wedding there for under $5,0000, even at one of the nice hotels with flowers and photography included (not like an outdoor session).
Rachel, stinkerbell, and I all got married in Las Vegas, and kiki is getting married there.
Sure, you can JoP it there, but you can have a nice ceremony, too. And your parents COULD come if they wanted.

And 100% in agreement they need to be told ahead of time.

caseylynne21 · April 2010

my parents eloped, and they let the families know where they were going and when- no one showed up but at least they were warned. my grandma still has issues with this and she was told about it.

i think you should at least give them the opportunity to decide for themselves if they want to see their daughter get married. it is a big deal. they will be hurt and a cruise isn't a consolation prize to not seeing one's child tie the knot, even if you do pay for it

Kristin789 · April 2010

>>all I want are pictures.

Who are you going to show them to? Your entire family/friends and FI's entire family/friends are going to be furious and NOT want to have their noses rubbed into this.

>>I was thinking an announcement card.

When people get an announcement card, this is what they think:
"So I wasn't close enough to get invited to see the ceremony or the meal afterward, but I *am* good enough to go buy a gift and go through the hassle of mailing it to you? Uh, no. You'll get a Hallmark card."

>>we are thinking of inviting our families out for a weekend cruise for Spring of 2011. We'd think it's more memorable and we save a whole lot and sending invitations to that with the announcement.

So that's what YOU are thinking.

Here's what your family and friends, and FI's family and friends, will think:
"So they didn't think we were close enough to be there for the ceremony and the meal afterward, but now they want us to forget that we were deliberately prohibited from the event we've been anticipating since they were born, and go on some Mea Culpa Cruise? Screw that. Uh, we already have something on that date - can't miss it - can't change it - bye."

>>We can't just do parents without EVERYONE else

Why not?

We did.
FI invited MOG, FOG, FI's bro/wife/3kids - total of 7.
I invited MOB, a friend of MOB+husband, another friend of MOB (both women are like aunts to me), two friends of mine, and the woman who introduced us - total of 7.

We invited no one from extended family, no one from out of town, and our marriage is just as valid as if we had some 200-guest dinner-dance blowout. You and FI could just invite your parents, siblings, and a couple of friends.

HisCB · April 2010

i agree with everyone.

you know your paretns better than we do, but i agree, let them know ahead of time. you dont have to say when or where. they may want to at least throw a reception right after you get back.

not long after weve been engaged, i won 2 round trip ticktes for 2days3nights in vegas at hardrock hotel. he thinks eloping would be great idea. i know it will save us money and hassle, but i dont want to give up the wedding we are planning.

september's bride · April 2010

And no, just because the definition of eloping is that it's done in secret doesn't mean that you have to keep it a secret. On my honeymoon, there was a couple there that were getting married. No family, no friends, just them and the minister. Their families knew about it and knew why they were doing it privately.

redheadfsu · April 2010

I want to "elope" too, but that can be very hurtful. You must tell people your plans before. We sat both our parents and very close friends ( seperately) down and talked about it. This showed them the respect they deserved. We explained our dream is a private ceremony. As the trip costs a lot and is not for awhile, no one has said they must come. But if they do, we will cross that bridge when we get there. However, they know we love and respect them. We are paying and want to elope on a far away beach, but i still want my friends and family to talk to me after.

mastermindkg · April 2010

@ Kristin 789 Sorry- am I not entitled to pictures of my own wedding? Also, I never mentioned having anyone send a gift or pay for anything. It's just an idea and I was putting it out there. Thanks a lot for your opinion but if I say Parents can't be invited without a chain reaction of people it's not to be rude to them, but that's what would honestly happen. THAT'S WHY.

Thanks for everyone's suggestion. Everyone's so far away- even if we had a dinner or reception after, we'd still need to do flights, hotels and accommodations for both sides of the family for only one night.

So we are looking into the cost of those cruise ceremonies and just tie it in with that. The packages run pretty low (about 2k or less for carnival) and this way no one is left out of the ceremony and there would be an actual wedding (which is what I wanted from the get-go).

Everything is still very much up in the air. And there's still a lot of back and forth on what's necessary and what isn't.

I don't know how some of you can plan huge weddings- kudos! This alone is stressful.

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