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Long Distance Wedding

ashdaypriceashdayprice
in Second Weddings
So..a few years ago my fiance and I moved to the most beautiful city in Canada and left our families on the other side of the country. We've fallen in love with the city and the beauty is has to offer. So fittingly, when we got engaged, we wanted to stay right here and get married. When we posed this to our families, they thought the fact that we were coming "home" to get married was ridiculous, and have declined traveling if we decide to have the wedding here.

I'm now torn on being with my family and being happy with the place I get married. Am I being selfish? I've made my mind up a million times, although each time I come up with a different answer.  Please help!
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Re: Long Distance Wedding

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    2dBride2dBride member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    How about an intimate wedding where you are, followed by a casual reception where your family lives?  That way you get both the ceremony venue you want, and the opportunity to celebrate with your family.
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    melissamc2melissamc2 member
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    edited December 2011
    Home is wherever you live.  I dislike the notion that having lived somewhere at some point in your life makes it "home" forever, so naturally I'm going to be against your family's line of thought!

    It's your wedding, your home, and your life - of course you'd want it to be where YOU are.  People travel for weddings all the time, and I'm sure your families are aware of this.  Unless money is the only factor, and coming up with enough to travel for a wedding is just OUT of the question, if they love you and truly want to share in your wedding day - they'll be there.

    I moved up here to Canada with my fiance and anyone from my previous city (including family) is going to have to travel.  Sure, it's not the most convenient thing in the world (no travel heavy wedding is), but they realize it is what is important to us, as a couple and as a family, and can respect that.  Plus, they get to see our new home and city.  It's a little exciting, too.

    If I were you, I'd send a very well thought out email that gives your reasons, why you'd like them there, and what them coming to your new city can offer them, as well as your wedding.  Build up that they can get a glimpse into why you love it so much.  Point out that they'll get to see where you live now and explore a new part of the country.  Put emphasis on the fact that it'll be a little mini-getaway for them.  Also include how very much it would mean to you to have the people you love, and who love you, with you for such a big day.

    I suggest email because you can get your point across without being interrupted and without emotion REALLY creeping in.  Sometimes just the wrong tone in a sentence can derail a conversation.

    Good luck to you.
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    Sloane99Sloane99 member
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    edited December 2011
    Very few people live in the place that they grew up in for their whole lives. FI and I are back in our hometown (also argueably the nicest city in Canada ;)) but that was after both of us lived in different countries and cities for a substantial amount of time.

    If I had to guess, getting married in the city that you grew up in will give you very little control over the kind of wedding you want. I suspect once your families get used to the idea they will be attending.

    No, I don't think you're being selfish at all to have the wedding you want in a place that you and FI have grown roots and have a life together, but I would definitely approach it somewhat sensitively when dealing with them as you already know it's going to be an issue.
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    arv266arv266
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    edited December 2011
    My FI and I met in VA but both of our families have firm and solid roots in NY.  Of both our families, we are the only ones to live outside of a 5 mile radius of each other.  When we started to plan our wedding, our first idea was to have the ceremony and reception at Walt Disney World.  I was completely in love with the idea of getting married at the place where "dreams come true."  Somewhere in my planning, I realized that with this venue, the majority of my FI's family would not attend.  I switched gears and we'll now be married in NY, as this is the most convenient venue for our families.  What was most important to me was having all of my family, and my FI family with us, and it just made more sense for the two of us to travel there, as opposed to everyone traveling to VA. 

    The moral of my story is this...  Give yourself time to mull this all through - the answer may not come to you as quickly as you would like, but it will come.  Some brides & grooms chose to be closer to family members, and others pick amazing destinations.  There is no right or wrong answer.  I agree with the PP who advised that you deal with the issue in a very sensitive manner.  It doesnt have to be -- if you love me, or if I am important enough to you, you'll come to my wedding.  There may be other issues, like finances, that can prevent family from attending. 
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    melissamc2melissamc2 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I didn't mean to imply the OP use "love" as a weapon, or that if the family can't make it that they DON'T love her, I just mean that when it comes right down to it, the emotion (should) factor into things more than geography. 

    I have family members choosing not to come because of distance.  They had a choice to make and they made it.  I can live with that, but I knew that when planning.  That's the choice I had.  To me, having our wedding where we wanted it was more important than ensuring every single person could make it.

    Hope that clarifies that love wasn't a threat. ;)   I just hate seeing that so many brides (first time and not first time) on these boards are sacrificing what they want for the sake of everyone else.  I don't believe in the "It's MY DAY AND YOU'LL DO WHAT I SAY" approach, but I do firmly believe that a wedding should be for the couple.
    10-10-10
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    arv266arv266
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Well said Mel! My comment was not at all intended to knock anything that you wrote, as your advice was solid.  What my comment was aimed at were the emotions behind this whole planning process --  in the initial planning stages I did equate being important enough in someones life to their attending our wedding.  I did have the feeling "if my Dad really loves me he'll move heaven and earth to come to my wedding."  However, the reality is, its a tough economy out there - people have loss jobs and income, and a good deal of people just dont have the spending income they used to.  And this was probibly the biggest factor in changing our venue.


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    Britt1406Britt1406 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If you truely want to get married where you are now and wouldn't be as happy having it somewhere else, then have the ceremony there. Any of your family that really wants to be there can join you but like said above have a reception from your families' home. That way they can all celebrate and enjoy the time with you, but you can still get married in your new home (with those that choose to be there). GL with the decision!
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    AbbeyS2011AbbeyS2011 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I know exactly how you feel - I was born/raised in WA state, moved to Idaho for 9 years, so I was still close geographically to my family,then packed up and moved to NC in 2008 with my 2 kids to be with my soon to be hubby. 

         We decided to get married out here, because this is where we live and his familly lives here too.  I set the date for June 2011 so my family and friends out West will  have plenty of time to plan to come or not to come as they choose. 

    I hope your families will decide to join you for your special day!  Best Wishes!
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