I just got a weird RSVP

allychase · March 2013

From my aunt and her boyfriend and her son. She listed all 3 names and next to her son wrote- "doesn't eat !!!

" and there was no entree listed for him. I'm just thinking, wtf?? What does "doesn't eat" mean?? They're going to be travelling 3 hours for the wedding and be there for about 5, and he doesn't intend on eating that entire time?? I am so confused.

Not to mention idk how to word this to my venue. We will still need to provide a chair for him in the headcount, and our entrees are served french style tableside and I don't see how it'll play out when everyone's choosing their meals and he smells the food and gets hungry and just sits there. Also when dessert and cake come out, there's no way to keep him from going up and eating- at least this is how my venue will view it and probably still have me pay for him.

This whole situation is just strange and raises so many questions for me. I'm gonna email my venue and ask their suggestion, because I still want to accomodate him... but don't want to pay for a meal that won't get eaten at $95 a head.

orangehills · March 2013

That is really weird.. How young is her son? Is he a vegetarian or some special diet need? I wouldn't ask the venue- I'd call your aunt up first to clarify because that is strange. If he's there and could eat anything and needs a seat, you will probably be charged no matter what so I'd at least figure out from your aunt what's going on!

vk2204 · March 2013

ditto Orange!

allychase · March 2013

No he doesn't have any special dietary needs and I keep going back to when he was younger and all he ate was yogurt because his mom enabled his picky eating habits. I'm just wondering if that has continued in a strange, distorted way of him not eating real meals even being a senior in high school now.

I'm gonna ask her about it but I didn't wanna cause too much fuss over it and embarrass him, whatever the hell the reasoning is behind it.

vk2204 · March 2013

I would just call and say that he needs to be counted in the headcount and that requires a meal choice... so what would they like you to mark him down for

[Deleted User] · March 2013

Actually, even though it may be a little embarassing, I'd definitely call and ask your aunt if there's anything he WOULD eat and then talk with your venue to see if they can accomodate. We had an invitee (who's not coming in the end but whatevs) who has Asperger's and is VERY picky about what he eats. He would just not be able to eat whatever everyone else is served. We asked our venue if we could bring in some take out for him that he likes and have that, and they said fine. Yes, we still would have had to pay for his meal, but it would have been worth it for him to be happy and fed and enjoy the wedding.

If he has strange disordered eating habits, maybe something like that would help? Like he can just bring in some frozen pizza or yogurt or whatever he wants or pick something off a kids menu if they have it, or just have a double order of the side or whatever. Yes, maybe it's a slight inconvenience for you, but it still seems preferable to having him just sit tehre and not eat. Also, I doubt the venue would be ok with him just being there without any payment - too risky that he would change his mind and then they're out one plate.

allychase · March 2013

I actually just got an email back from our coordinator that he'll allow him to be included in the headcount without paying for a meal. I messaged my aunt on FB to make sure there was nothing we could get for him.

From talking to my mom we're pretty positive he's got an eating disorder and I need to be careful about what I say to him about it. I have a feeling he'd rather eat nothing than have yogurt or pizza to pick at and have everyone around him wondering why he's eating that- it may be more embarrassing the more attention we bring to it. I'll see what his mom says. Either way the kid needs help. It's not normal.

flojo973 · March 2013

Does your venue do children's meals? I know mine charges $25 for kids under 5 and charges $40 less for 5-20 year olds.

ChiGirl2013 · March 2013

That's nice that they're willing to do that for you. Would he maybe eat a salad? My sister was anorexic and the only thing she would eat was iceberg lettuce because it was mostly water and had no calories. I would ask your aunt if there was ANYTHING he will eat, even if it's just lettuce, because I'd feel bad for him. Everyone at that table is going to be staring at him and asking why he's not eating, so I don't think you'll be stepping on toes if you ask his mom about it.

allychase · March 2013

Well I just got a response back from my aunt who says he really only eats pizza, Mac and cheese and fries so she'll bring that along for him... I mean in that case of just a spoiled preference of crappy food I don't really know if I want to go out of my way to order him pizza when it's not really a dietary thing.. He's always been a mamas boy who got whatever he wanted and it seems to have gotten a little carried away.

[Deleted User] · March 2013

Eh if your aunt is willing to bring mac and cheese and your venue's willing to let him slide in the headcount, just let it go. Even if it is just super pickiness, it'll allow him to enjoy the night. So, it might be worth it to avoid any drama.

I hope it is just a food preference to be honest, though. I really hope he doesn't have disordered eating.

ChiGirl2013 · March 2013

If she's willing to bring it, why pay for it at the venue?

I would double-check with the venue, though. Most of the ones we looked at don't allow anyone to bring in outside food, aside from the wedding cake, due to liability for food poisoning. You wouldn't want to have problems in the middle of your reception when your aunt busts out the mac n cheese, or asks if they can heat something up for her. If they won't allow her to bring something, then I'd pop for a kids' pizza for him and call it a day. No sense in having them thrown out for violating the venue's rules.

bluefish81 · March 2013

I agree with ChiGirl on making sure they'll be okay with bringing in outside food. Our venue doens't let us do that (outside of the cake and favors). FI's nephew is a very picky eater and has been doing food therapy for quite some time. He's part of the reason we opted for a kid's menu - because I knew he'd each the chicken strips/french fries versus my soon to be sister-in-law having to figure out how to get him fed before hand.

I just got a weird RSVP

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