Stag and Doe

Jo1803 · January 2011

My FI and I want to throw a stag and doe. The hall we like has one date available, but it is the Saturday before Easter. Is this a bad idea to do it then? Or good because people will be off work for Good Friday, the come out Saturday and can still have Sunday for family stuff if they want?

hlq2011 · January 2011

It probably depends on your crowd; if they're very religious, not a good idea. Otherwise...

We have friends getting married that Saturday this year, and I don't have a problem with it. And FI's family is planning a birthday party for his grandfather for the same day. (Oy!) If your family and friends aren't the religious types, I say, go for it.

heyimbren · January 2011

Technically, you shouldn't be hosting a party for yourself.

What type of stag and doe are you talking about?

trix1223 · January 2011

First of all, for many people Easter weekend is not a party weekend.

And if you're talking about one of those fundraiser stag and doe things, then I'd say it's, if possible, even less appropriate than any other weekend.

Just so you're aware: fundraiser stag and does don't go over well around here, so be prepared.

glam70s · January 2011

Stag and Does (the fundraiser kind) are common in my circle (I've never been to a wedding for a couple that didn't throw one).. I've never seen one that didn't lose money, but they are very common for some reason. I would be fine with attending one that Saturday, but I'm not at all religious and to me Easter is just another long weekend. I'd say it depends on what your guests are like..

HappinessByTheKilowatt · January 2011

So I had to google this to find out what it was. And I am absolutely appalled. Not surprised, but disgusted. And I personally would tell you to pay for your own wedding and stop soliciting funds from your friends. Especially on a religious holiday weekend.

Holy moly.

SuMmErKuTiE · January 2011

I don't see a problem with a party the night before Easter. People invited are adults and should know for themselves not to go overboard or they'll feel crappy the next day for church and family gatherings. But..... as pp's stated Stags & Does are very unpopular on these boards, anything that can basically be called a fundraiser does not go over well.

Aside from all that, the bride and groom should never host their own pre-wedding party. It's basically telling people to come celebrate you guys and give you money whether or not that's how you see it, those are the facts if you throw the party yourself. If someone offers to host one for you, it's your decisions whether or not to accept or decline it. If it's common in your circle of friends (which it is in some areas, but not most) then it's your decision to accept. But if it's not common, then I highly suggest you decline.

Stag parties are very common in Connecticut which is where DH and I grew up and lived until a few months ago, and all his friends have had stag parties for the guys, but when his GM's asked him if he wanted one he said no. Instead, I had a bridal shower where we got gifts off the registry, and we both had a bachelor and bachelorette party. No one was paying admission or a ticket to celebrate with us and DH broke the trend of stag parties in our circle of friends and family.

HappinessByTheKilowatt · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_stag-doe-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:97d26cf5-8e97-4cca-a844-1dbd356dde43Post:9a3eb0e2-6fcb-4882-aae9-0c179721c5d7">Re: Stag and Doe</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't see a problem with a party the night before Easter. People invited are adults and should know for themselves not to go overboard or they'll feel crappy the next day for church and family gatherings. But..... as pp's stated Stags & Does are very unpopular on these boards, anything that can basically be called a fundraiser does not go over well. Aside from all that, the bride and groom should never host their own pre-wedding party. It's basically telling people to come celebrate you guys and give you money whether or not that's how you see it, those are the facts if you throw the party yourself. If someone offers to host one for you, it's your decisions whether or not to accept or decline it. If it's common in your circle of friends (which it is in some areas, but not most) then it's your decision to accept. But if it's not common, then I highly suggest you decline. Stag parties are very common in Connecticut which is where DH and I grew up and lived until a few months ago, and all his friends have had stag parties for the guys, but when his GM's asked him if he wanted one he said no. Instead, I had a bridal shower where we got gifts off the registry, and we both had a bachelor and bachelorette party. No one was paying admission or a ticket to celebrate with us and DH broke the trend of stag parties in our circle of friends and family.
Posted by SuMmErKuTiE[/QUOTE]

Your H was smart. Kudos to you for breaking that tradition. I had never heard of them before, but I can't even believe they exist. Although, like I said, guess I am not surprised.

lindsay5432 · January 2011

I think it's fine for the Easter weekend. You may have some people that are going away for the weekend who can't attend, but they will probably buy tickets anyways.

Everyone has stags or stag & doe around here. Including very well off people. Children of doctors, lawyers, banking. It's pretty much expected. I am in Ontario, Canada.

RebeccaB88 · January 2011

I think the weekend question itself is moot, because you should never throw a party honoring yourselves, much less a fundraiser for yourselves. Even if it's considered a tradition in your area, it's a tradition that's in poor taste.

Now, we're assuming it's the fundraiser type stag-and-doe that most people talk about here, since you didn't specify. If it's more like a couples shower, that's different and we can give you different answers if this is the case. But the main point will still be that it's in poor form to host your own party. If you have one, then someone needs to offer to host it for you (you don't ask for it), and if no one offers then you don't get to have one.

heyimbren · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_stag-doe-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:97d26cf5-8e97-4cca-a844-1dbd356dde43Post:055408ae-2fb2-467a-90b0-e295722fabc7">Re: Stag and Doe</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it's fine for the Easter weekend. You may have some people that are going away for the weekend who can't attend, but they will probably buy tickets anyways. Everyone has stags or stag & doe around here. Including very well off people. Children of doctors, lawyers, banking. It's pretty much expected. I am in Ontario, Canada.
Posted by lindsay5432[/QUOTE]

So am I, but there are still lots of people here who don't have one. And even when I do see people throwing one, I still don't agree with it. So I simply decline to buy tickets.

trix1223 · January 2011

I don't.....but then I work in a church. I also work Easter and Christmas Eve.

swrathbone · June 2011

how do so many people not know what a stag and doe is? Its almost a tridition where i am from. most people i know have had a stag and doe to help out with some of the costs of thier wedding. They usaully dont make much maybe a couple bux a ticket but every little bit helps and its like having a laidback party before the formal event. If someone doesnt like it they dont have to buy a tiket and it wouldnt put them further down the guest list by any means. It is jsut a fun thing to do and seems to always be a hit. LOVE THEM

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