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Murder by Guest List

chula420chula420
in Wedding Woes
Need major advice before I either call off my wedding or commit homicide (of my future MIL). Now, there are MANY reasons for this, but the reason of the week is our guest list. We're in the beginning stages of planning (don't even have a date booked yet) and figured we needed to get an idea of who would be invited. My fiance and I had originally agreed that we wanted it as intimate as possible and now, due to "his side" we're looking at a list of 200 people! Including family members that he couldn't even NAME when creating the list because he didn't KNOW them! To me, that's not a wedding--it's a free-for-all where we miss the entire event running around greeting people that he hasn't seen in 15 yrs and whom we will probably never see again! My whole family tree is not being invited and my fiance will recognize just about everyone that I'd like to invite on my side. In my eyes, we should walk into the room, recognize all the faces, and spend our time celebrating and enjoying our special day, focusing on eachother and those who have a real place in our lives....Needless to say, the two of us are not getting along very well right now...HELP ME PLEASE!!!
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Re: Murder by Guest List

  • HeffalumpHeffalump member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Who is paying for the wedding?
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  • kimp67kimp67 member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Unless she's paying, she doesn't get to invite people you don't want there.
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  • InksWellInksWell member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Ditto, it all depends on who's paying.

    Your MIL may have people on the guest list because she thinks that they will be offended if they aren't invited. You should as her why it's so important and really listen to her answer next time. It may be a good one.

    And chances are; those people who don't know you will rsvp "no" and send a nice card, and you won't have to entertain them at all.
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  • krdrbm1015krdrbm1015 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Is it you and your MIL or you and your FI who aren't getting along? Because that's a big difference.  As you said you are very very early in the planning process.  If you and your FI are already at each other's throats then you two really need to sit down and have a long discussion.  If it's you and your FMIL who aren't getting along, you are really going to need to treat carefully here.  I understand aggravation FMILs, however this is not your mother so you have to be cautious in how you talk to her and it is you FI's mother so you have to be very very careful how you talk about her. If the problem is with her then you really need to talk to your FI about this if he's not already aware of how upset you are.  If she is not paying for the wedding, it is NOT her day so she gets a limited say in how it goes. If she is contributing, then you both are going to have to sit down and talk with her about your priorities for the wedding and make come compromises.  Everyone likes to say how its the  bride's day, but honestly it is not just about the bride because you are going to want your family (and his family) to be (relatively) happy with how things turn out.  

    Just as as final point of emphasis (speaking from a place where I understand your frustration) you are really going to have to tread carefully with your FMIL. This is your FI's mother good, bad or indifferent and she is going to be part of your life for a very very long time.  You don't want to start your married life on the wrong foot with her (because we all know that family is always a part of a marriage) and you don't want to cause friction with your FI by saying nasty things about his mother that will upset him (doesn't matter if she is crazy it is still his mom and he loves her so if you attack her he's going to get upset).  

    Take a breath, talk to your FI and good luck. 
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