Earn cash as you plan. Get a $20 gift card for every 200 points. Learn more
40-Plus Brides
KelleyKelz
member
Wedding and Reception..Even Though We Aren't 20-somethings?
Hey, ladies. I love to hear thoughts on this...
I am newly engaged, and am just starting to plan (mostly the general idea, big picture stuff). I will be 38, and my finance will be 41 on our wedding day. This is the first wedding for both of us, but I feel like maybe it should be low key (although, I want to celebrate, and don't want it to be very small and low key) because we aren't 20-something (not even early 30-something). I'm not saying I want over the top, just saying is it ok for people who aren't 20 or 30-something to have a "normal" sized wedding and a reception? What do you think?
Also, I don't feel that a shower is appropriate (one, because we're older), but I know his mom will want to throw one. Is a shower appropriate? How can I or can I nicely suggest (once asked of course) that I don't think it's appropriate (or is it)?
The other thing is registries...I don't feel like it's appropriate to do this, but I feel like we should because we will have many people who don't want to give money or gift cards (because they are so impersonal)
. So, first question here is, if you don't have a shower, do you let people know about registries through word of mouth (I'm assuming) if they want to know? I've always felt like putting registry information in a wedding invitation is tacky, but when I've received registry information in other wedding invitations, I was happy to have it. My plan at the moment is to NOT include the registry information in the invitation.
Any and all thoughts and suggestions would be appreciated.
I am newly engaged, and am just starting to plan (mostly the general idea, big picture stuff). I will be 38, and my finance will be 41 on our wedding day. This is the first wedding for both of us, but I feel like maybe it should be low key (although, I want to celebrate, and don't want it to be very small and low key) because we aren't 20-something (not even early 30-something). I'm not saying I want over the top, just saying is it ok for people who aren't 20 or 30-something to have a "normal" sized wedding and a reception? What do you think?
Also, I don't feel that a shower is appropriate (one, because we're older), but I know his mom will want to throw one. Is a shower appropriate? How can I or can I nicely suggest (once asked of course) that I don't think it's appropriate (or is it)?
The other thing is registries...I don't feel like it's appropriate to do this, but I feel like we should because we will have many people who don't want to give money or gift cards (because they are so impersonal)
. So, first question here is, if you don't have a shower, do you let people know about registries through word of mouth (I'm assuming) if they want to know? I've always felt like putting registry information in a wedding invitation is tacky, but when I've received registry information in other wedding invitations, I was happy to have it. My plan at the moment is to NOT include the registry information in the invitation.Any and all thoughts and suggestions would be appreciated.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Wedding and Reception..Even Though We Aren't 20-somethings?
I am having a small to medium wedding. That's what I've always wanted since my 20s. It's my first wedding and my FH's second. He would be fine with the JOP but I wanted to have my day. He understands that and wants me to be happy. A celebration should be a celebration no matter the age.
I've no idea about a registry. This is the one aspect of the wedding I feel really weird about because of our ages. I am maybe considering asking for donations to certain charities/organzations.
If I do set up a registry, I am considering putting it on the invite since I don't know if I am going to have a website.
Congrats on your engagement! It seems that you are more worried about what is "normal" than what feels right for you and your fiance. Honestly, once the two of you agree upon a budget, you owe yourselves the time to reflect upon what you really want.
Why turn down a shower if your future mother-in-law wants to host one? I don't see the harm, if it doesn't come with strings attached. We did not have a registry -- we'd both been married and divorced with complete households set up -- and still received gifts. You will receive gifts, either way.
Give yourself a break and do what makes you HAPPY.
As far as registries go, we are registering for our honeymoon -- restaurants, spas, activities. We are also including two charities that we feel strongly about. There just isn't anything we need for a combined household from two already well-appointed homes. We should have a give-away shower instead!
Best of luck and do what feels right for you and your fiancee.
Congrats on your engagement and happy planning!
You don't have to go big or small.......do what feels right.
Congrats on finding the right guy!
Big celebration ? Go for it!
Showers? Why not? Haven't you been to more showers than you can count? Not that this is tit for tat, but rather, haven't you enjoyed celebrating someone's joy while indulging them a bit? Why don't you deserve that?
Registries? ABSOLUTELY. You are more difficult to buy for than a couple of 20 somethings just starting out. You don't need 12 china place settings. You probably already have 16. Think about what you and your Fi would enjoy & not necessarily buy for yourself. Hobby or sports gear, restaurant gift cards, movie nights out, expand your wine cellar, or your liqueur assortment, bedding that is yours as a couple -the whole shebang, items for your gourmet kitchen, a couples cooking lesson or two, a couples massage or spa session, you think of it, you can register for it.
Registry Info in the invitations? Wedding invitations = NO, shower invitation are OK. Word of mouth is even better.
So, as PP have said--have what you want and don't worry about whether it is proper for your age. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to celebrate your union with the man you love with friends and family.
My youngest sibling married at the age of 38. As a family, we couldn't have been any happier for him and his bride to be than if they were 20-something. We couldn't wait to host showers or toast them at their reception.
Their shower was a little different, to be sure, but in a good way! Because they both had established households, it allowed us all to "think out of the box" and get them more untraditional, perhaps even slightly frivolous gifts. It also allowed them an opportunity to "upgrade" items, or replace the "his" or "hers" items with items for "them".
A wedding is a joyous occasion and should be celebrated!
My daughter is my MOH, she's away at college and won't be home to host a shower or a girl's night out. Instead of a shower, we decided to have a girl's night out at a local pottery studio.
As far as wedding gifts, we don't need a lot so we created a website and shared some less traditional gift ideas (gas and restaurant gift cards with some suggestions of where we like to eat out). We also registered at a few places for some more traditional gifts (new towels, etc) and plan to do a "get together gift" where those who want to can chip in towards a larger item that we really do need (for us it's a snow blower).
It's your special day, make it memorable for you and your guests in whatever ways you want.
I will be 52 and this is mine and my fiance's first wedding. We are going all out and our family and friends are 100% supportive. It is a formal wedding and I have said "gowns if desired" to support me as the bride.
We are on wedding #2 for both and both have older kids.
I am doing what I want. I am not having a shower but we are having a girls night.
My mom, a few family members and all my female friends will be having a pamper night. Movies, wine, pedicures, manicures, games, door prizes. Also having pampered chef, candles and michi representatives(they are all friends who sell so it was easy to plan it) But my mom called me a few minutes ago and said why don't we make that your shower, make everything with wedding motif
It makes it fun for everyone and takes the attention off of me! I don't like to be the center.... just a night to celebrate and have fun with the girls!
I am doing some things low key and somethings very traditional! I am still having my dad walk me down the aisle, my son is 20 who would do it, but I want my dad too.
Still doing the traditional dances, whoch I did not do at my last wedding, we did the first dance and couple dance. But I didn't do the father/daughter dance which I have regreted. I don't like being the center hence why I left that out. This year will be so different and have different meaning as my dad has survived cancer and we have had an awful 11 months. DOnt take anything for granted! Do want you want! Don't worry about anyone else!!!!!! It is YOUR day!!!!
My mom is very traditional and doesn't feel I should be doing everything but after I explained to her what I just did to you all, She gets it!
Good luck to you!!! sorry for my long post lol
Enjoy yourself! I sure will!
My fiance and I are getting married in 6 days!! He went to the JOP for his first marriage and I had the whole traditional thing when I was 27. Let me tell you ... I have the same excitement and wanting all the bells and whistles that I did then, but now, I'm 55!
We decided to make our wedding small (40 people) but very traditional. We are getting married in the garden of a local museum (if it doesn't rain), then having a regular reception -- planning for it to be a big party! When I went looking for a dress, I was trying to avoid an "actual" wedding dress, but when I saw my dress (halter, ballgown, long train), I had my "moment" with tears and knew it was the one I had to wear. The guys are wearing suits, not tuxes.
I make no excuses or apologies for wanting a "real" wedding. No matter what the age, our hearts are young, our eyes are shining and we're in love. Why shouldn't we have the same thing the younger brides get? Congratulations to us all -- let the party begin!!