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Just Engaged and Proposals
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Need Advice

jordanm27jordanm27
10 Comments First Anniversary
in Just Engaged and Proposals
My brand new FI and I have kind of a hard situation to deal with when planning our wedding. His entire family and all friends live in NJ, all my family and friends live in AZ and we are currently living in TX together. We have no idea where to get married. I feel like anywhere we pick somebody is going to be left out. If we get married in AZ all my important people will be there and only the ones who can afford it from his guest list will be able to attend and vice versa if we have the wedding in NJ. I was thinking about having a destination wedding and only inviting immediate family members that way everyone gets left out but that really takes away from the big wedding that I have been dreaming of my whole life. I have been playing with this dilemma for the entire 4 years we have been together and now its actually decision time. Any advice would be greatly apprecieated.
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Re: Need Advice

  • Ravenclaw79Ravenclaw79 member
    10 Comments
    Do you like it there in Texas?  If so, I'd say do it there, so everyone's inconvenienced the same amount (they'll all have to fly to get there).  Or if one side of the family is less well-off, do it where they are.
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  • aimers1525aimers1525 member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    Either way, one person's family will have to travel or both will have to travel.  I would suggest having it wherever is the most convinient for you and your FI. I've had friends who have lived in one city, but got married in their hometowns and they had to make special trips just to meet with vendors, etc. Just something to think about. Maybe it's more convinient for you and your FI to travel than either family, so that's something to think about too.

    Or, have either set of parents offered to contribute to the wedding? If so, you might want to ask if it important for those offering to pay where the wedding will take place. 
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  • redheadfsuredheadfsu member
    2500 Comments
    Who is paying? As the person who pays gets a say.

    But if you two are footing the entire bill, I would have it wherever is more convenient for you (I assume Texas).

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  • jordanm27jordanm27
    10 Comments First Anniversary
    edited March 2012
    We are paying half and my parents are paying half. We just moved to Texas and know absolutely nobody so a wedding there just wouldn't feel right. After reading this I am really leaning towards AZ because it is super easy for us to travel and plan (my FI is a pilot so we both get free flights) and his family is better off then mine.We have also thought about eloping somewhere tropical and then having a reception like party in each of our hometowns so we can still have the fun of dancing and cake-cutting.  I'm just going to have to get over trying to please everybody and really focus on what we want instead. Thanks for the advice!
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  • steveandsteph415steveandsteph415 member
    First Comment
    I would say have it in Texas, everyone important will come! Make a weekend out of it and if you give plenty of notice everyone will travel for you! 
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  • calliopeia2013calliopeia2013 member
    500 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    Based on your follow-up post, I'd say you're right to have it in AZ- you could have the wedding and reception in AZ, and, if necessary do a small after-party in NJ (if, for instance, your FI has grandparents who can't travel but would really want the chance to celebrate with you).  But AZ sounds like it's best for you if you don't want to do Texas, especially if your parents are helping out with the cost.
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  • redheadfsuredheadfsu member
    2500 Comments
    After your second post, I think AZ is the best option. Good luck with everything!

    Planning Bio
    Married 9/15/11

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  • mandi921vhmandi921vh member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    I agree with PPs, sounds like AZ will be best for you and your FI. Good luck!
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  • gananoquegananoque
    100 Comments
    AZ sounds like the way to go!

    And yes, keep reminding yourself that you can't please everyone so don't even try!

    If your parents are paying for 50% of the wedding and his family is paying for none of it, all the more reason to pick AZ as the location. Perhaps your Mom will even be involved in the planning? In which case, it will be helpful to have the wedding be in the place where she lives. If his parents aren't paying for anything, chances are they're not going to be involved in the planning so the NJ location, SO far from Texas would likely be really inconvenient for everyone!

    AZ sounds like the very clear winner here!

    And if you ever start feeling awkward about it, keep in mind that it is very common and traditional and even expected that couples get married in the Bride's home town. So you have that to fall back on!
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  • julib33julib33 member
    100 Comments
    edited March 2012
    Do it in AZ.
    My whole immediate family is in Bend OR, my FI's family is in Pendleton OR, we currently live in Portland OR and will most likely be moving to the south in a few months.
    We just decided to do it here in Portland in a few years. Both of our families will have to travel equal distances, and it's relatively close to our extended families. Planning is going to suck royally but I think being closer to family is best.
    I think you are definitely making the right decision here.
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  • saraschilling88saraschilling88
    500 Comments
    My FI and I both live in MN along with most of our families.  My parents live roughly 1.5 hours from his parents, and the extended families live near each set of parents (e.g. his family by his, my family by mine).  We decided to do ours in my hometown since my Mom and aunts know a lot about who/what/where/when/why as far as wedding planning there. 

    My sister and her husband had a destination wedding where they lived (in Virginia) but had a 2nd reception in North Dakota for our families to attend (they played a videotape of the ceremony at the reception so everyone could see the wedding). 

    I would say have your wedding in Arizona, and maybe have a 2nd reception in New Jersey for your FI's family who isn't able to come (if you have the money to do that), otherwise just have a small get together in New Jersey to celebrate with his family.
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