October 2012 Weddings

Frustrated...Am I Wrong About This?

This evening, we ended up having our first heated disagreements about our Wedding and left me very frustrated.  I will get to the point first and then explain after...My Fiance wants to implement a Dress Code and  have it listed in our invitations as well.  I told him absolutely not!
Our Wedding Venue is at a Country Club, it is all RSVP'd, but its still a laid back atmosphere.  As I would hope our guests would dress nice, but  I do not feel comfortable telling our guests what they have to wear.  It makes me feel like people will think i'm snobbish, and that is definitely not me.  Not only that, but i've never recieved an invite telling what I can and can't wear. 
This all came up the other day when he was looking through some of my cousins wedding pictures and noticed what some of the guests were wearing.   There are a couple people in the pictures who are also invited to our wedding, and he doesn't want them showing up like they were at my cousins wedding.
I told him that I am not going to have any dress code implemented and definitely nothing in our invitations about what to wear, in my opinion its tacky and maybe borderline rude.  Am I wrong to think like this?  This is really driving me crazy because he is being very serious about it.
This is his quote for the night:  "I refuse to get my picture taken with anyone that looks like they are dressed for a NASCAR race instead of a wedding."  I told him its his choice who he has pictures with anyways, as it is mine as well. 

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Re: Frustrated...Am I Wrong About This?

  • I do not think you're wrong, but it should be common sense to dress nicely for a wedding...

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  • I agree with you, don't set a dress code.  I can also understand your FI's concern as well.  I personally don't think its something you should fight over and if he doesn't want to have his picture taken with the potential poorly dressed guests, then so be it!  

    Now go kiss and make up!
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  • I don't think it needs to be on the invite. We stated ours in our website "Dress code semi-formal" because we're having an outdoor wedding and we didn't want people coming out in shorts and flip flops
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  • You're right to not dictate how your guests dress. They are grown adults and if they do not dress for the occasion, that's on them.
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  • You're not wrong.  I would feel very uncomfortable doing that.  
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2012-weddings_frustratedam-i-wrong-about-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:56b9bcef-1e34-456e-81f5-cfaa107456b2Discussion:e806bcf3-c435-4495-9bfa-a2cd0f82cca2Post:14ab112f-d225-4624-81d8-80e9a8e000fc">Re: Frustrated...Am I Wrong About This?</a>:
    [QUOTE]You're right to not dictate how your guests dress. They are grown adults and if they do not dress for the occasion, that's on them.
    Posted by snuff9861[/QUOTE]

    This.

    Please don't put anything about dress in the invitation. It's really rude to tell others how to dress.

    Our venue actually has a dress code that is strictly enforced. They will turn people away if they are wearing jeans or flip flops. I put that information on the website and quoted directly from the venue's description. If the venue didn't have that, I wouldn't have put anything.
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  • Like Petal our venue does not allow jeans in their building.  I did put this information as well as a link to the venue on our wedding website.  I am assuming people will know how to dress for a wedding and will not be putting any of this on the invatation,  I don't see anyway to do that that wouldn't like odd.  I guess you could but Formal Reception to Follow if you dont have a reception card and this could be a common ground thing?
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  • You are right! I've never been told how to dress at a wedding and I would definitely roll my eyes at any wedidng invite that did.

    If he is concerned, maybe pass it around word of mouth? I'm not sure how...but that's way better than putting it in writitng.
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  • One thing I've seen that didn't feel too awkward or uncomfortable was a mention of the dress code (I don't think they referred to it as such) on the wedding website-- would that help as a compromise?
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  • Your FI is wrong. If those people show up underdressed it will only reflect poorly on them, not on you guys.

    Unless your wedding is truly black tie, there should be no mention of a dress code.
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  • I have seen many times (been to roughly 3 dz weddings huge family lots of friends oi vey lol) Black Tie affair or somethign simmilar to that. While I would never pu tit, it is your fi's wedding too so maybe compromising and putting it nicely like Black Tie affair it never offended me...... Or put that wording on your wedding website. I absolutly in no way would start with a code like no jeans no t shirts.
  • Where was your cousin's wedding?  Maybe the venue itself is what gave them the idea they could dress down.  Personally, when I think country club, I think fancy.
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  • I agree.  Don't put it on your invite.  All over this website, people say it's rude to tell people how to dress for a wedding.  Since we are at a CC too, on our website in the dress code section, I think we have a little blurb about dressing semi-formal.  I added this only because I have already had my brother ask serveral times if he can change into his wranglers after the ceremony!

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  • As much as I hate it when people wear jeans and t-shirts to weddings, I couldn't bring myself to put a dress code on our invites or website.  I thought it would be rude to do so.

    Most of our guests know that our venue is a very nice and very formal place and also taking place after 6pm, so I hope that they will dress accordingly.  Also, all of our wedding related stationery and website are very formal as well.  I'm really hoping that guests get the hint!  Still, there's a few members of my extended family that see nothing wrong with showing up to nice affairs wearing dirty jeans and I'm really hoping that they can pull themselves together for one night!
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  • mbuckley85mbuckley85 member
    500 Comments Second Anniversary
    edited June 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2012-weddings_frustratedam-i-wrong-about-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:56b9bcef-1e34-456e-81f5-cfaa107456b2Discussion:e806bcf3-c435-4495-9bfa-a2cd0f82cca2Post:76770432-f9b5-47b0-bda6-394f680fb426">Re: Frustrated...Am I Wrong About This?</a>:
    [QUOTE]As much as I hate it when people wear jeans and t-shirts to weddings, I couldn't bring myself to put a dress code on our invites or website.  I thought it would be rude to do so. Most of our guests know that our venue is a very nice and very formal place and also taking place after 6pm, so I hope that they will dress accordingly.  Also, all of our wedding related stationery and website are very formal as well.  I'm really hoping that guests get the hint!  Still, there's a few members of my extended family that see nothing wrong with showing up to nice affairs wearing dirty jeans and I'm really hoping that they can pull themselves together for one night!
    Posted by Nic12184[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>After posting this question a few times. I get that it is not appropriate, but I'm hoping my guests get the fact from our invites, etc, that it will be inappropriate to wear certain things.  </div><div>
    </div><div>BTW Nic, my wedding is in Saratoga that weekend as well!

    </div>
  • Thanks for all the reply ladies.  Good news is we didn't go to bed mad at each other, I think he realized how much this bothered me and said we wouldn't be doing it, but he still had concerns on how certain people will show up, not just by what they are wearing, but how they act as well.  I agree with the 'common sense to dress nice for a wedding' comment, I even explained this to him.  Unfortunately, I have family who don't follow the common sense route and he said this of his side as well.
    The location of my cousins wedding might explain how some of the guests were dressed, but these certain people are also known to not care about their surroundings and just show up however they feel.  They had a beautiful church wedding, and then their reception was at nice but simple banquet hall downtown back in my hometown (town of 4600), where there isn't a whole lot of venue choices.
    As I mentioned before, our venue is at a Country Club, a nice comfortable banquet room with an outdoor/lodge feel.  I posted pictures of it on our wedding website, in which will be on our wedding invites, so I'm hoping that will help people determine the feel for our wedding.  


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