A couple of Newbie questions!!!

rbtrumpet · February 2010

I just got engaged 2 weeks ago, and we are getting married August 28, 2010!!

I know everyone says to just relax and not let planning take over your life, but I feel like I'm so far behind - I live in the DC area which means everything fills up a year or more in advance - we got a reception venue (yes, I'm trying to be on top of things), but don't have a church/baker/florist/DJ/etc... yet!

Questions:
1) the newbie post on top says "do not give a list of "to-dos" to your bridesmaids", but my maid of honor, personal attendant, and sister (bridesmaid) have all asked for a list - so should I send it to just them, or to everyone?

2) I asked one of my bridesmaids 2 days ago, and she said yes, but in the last 2 days she has tried everything in her power to get me to change the vision of my wedding. She is getting married in June, and we have opposite tastes. I understand that she likes other stuff, and I don't have a problem with that, but I'm already getting sick of her "suggestions" on how I should change my entire vision! Should I say something? Should I ask her to step down? (it was very close between her and another friend, but I decided I wanted to ask her first)

3) What does "FI" actually mean? I know it indicates fiance, but I don't know why FI :-p

4) How come my 'ticker' isn't showing up at the bottom of my post, it works in my profile?

Thanks - I look forward to getting to know you guys and gleaning your wisdom!

aMrsin09 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_couple-of-newbie-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:d39777b2-14e2-4cbe-9442-1c9af849a4d9Post:3f666641-7c9b-4635-9bb7-2c7d80f9d29f">A couple of Newbie questions!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I just got engaged 2 weeks ago, and we are getting married August 28, 2010!! I know everyone says to just relax and not let planning take over your life, but I feel like I'm so far behind - I live in the DC area which means everything fills up a year or more in advance - we got a reception venue (yes, I'm trying to be on top of things), but don't have a church/baker/florist/DJ/etc... yet! Good luck. It may help that DC can be hot as h3ll in Aug so things may not be totally booked up.

Questions: 1) the newbie post on top says "do not give a list of "to-dos" to your bridesmaids", but my maid of honor, personal attendant, and sister (bridesmaid) have all asked for a list - so should I send it to just them, or to everyone? DO NOT send a list. Since they have asked, just let them know what you are working on and ask them if there is anything imparticular they would like to help with. And just what is a Personal Attendant?

2) I asked one of my bridesmaids 2 days ago, and she said yes, but in the last 2 days she has tried everything in her power to get me to change the vision of my wedding. She is getting married in June, and we have opposite tastes. I understand that she likes other stuff, and I don't have a problem with that, but I'm already getting sick of her "suggestions" on how I should change my entire vision! Should I say something? Should I ask her to step down? (it was very close between her and another friend, but I decided I wanted to ask her first) Don't ask her to step down. When she gives a suggestion just say "thank You ,FI and I will discuss it, How do you like the bean dip?" Since she is getting married in June, it may work to your benefit to see if you can both get discounts by using some of the same vendors, since the vendor is getting 2x the business.

3) What does "FI" actually mean? I know it indicates fiance, but I don't know why FI :-p Not a clue, just know that it means Fiance. 

4) How come my 'ticker' isn't showing up at the bottom of my post, it works in my profile? It shows up for me.

Thanks - I look forward to getting to know you guys and gleaning your wisdom!
Posted by rbtrumpet[/QUOTE]

AmoroAgain · February 2010

Don't get stressed out by people trying to tell you what to do right away. Just tell her, nicely, that you have an idea of what you want, and you appreciate her advice, but want her to concentrate on her own, rather than your, wedding.

rbtrumpet · February 2010

Thanks for the advice!

I guess for the one, I'm just going to say "this is my wedding, this is what FI and I want, and that's that" I'm such a people-pleaser in general it's going to be very hard for me to not try to please everyone (I know I've already ticked off a few people - like people who I know wanted to be in the wedding, but I didn't want them...)

The girl who is getting married in June is having a small destination wedding and I'm having a large local bash - like I said EXACT opposites (they're both good - I just hope she realizes my vision is not her vision) - so no shared vendors

A Personal Attendant is basically a day-of coordinator/go-fer/contact person (since I'm not hiring a planner). She will be in the loop with planning details, but I am not asking much of her until the actual day of. She is serving as a second contact in the DC area since 3 of my bridesmaids are out-of-town, but that is her only pre-wedding role.

rbtrumpet · February 2010

Amoro - that is what I'm trying to do. She has mentioned 3 times in the last two days how she doesn't like my color choice (hunter green), and they should just wear black instead (I do NOT want my bridesmaids in black!). - I guess that's the one that's really bothering me right now...

::hopes she doesn't read this, although I'm sure we can work it out::

AmoroAgain · February 2010

That's frankly, none of her business, and it's rude of her to keep mentioning it. Next time, just say, "Hey, I didn't tell you how to have your wedding, stop telling me how to have mine." It's a little rough and tough, but sometimes, people don't get it until you do that.

I mean, I had girls in black, but that was my choice. I was put in peach in 2 different weddings that I was in before. She should be happy it wasn't that.

AlexiaANDRobert · February 2010

The PP's have good advice and answers.

Don't expect or demand anything of anyone. Just because they're in your bridal party doesn't make them your personal assistant.

As for the friend that criticizes your choices, keep your discussions with her to a minimum. If she gives you advice, just say: "That's a good idea, I'll think about" and change the subject.

Good luck and enjoy! This should be a fun time for you!

rbtrumpet · February 2010

I'm a big fan of "the couple should plan the party they want" theory of thinking.

NOT saying "this is MY day, and it's all about me" - but there is something to be said for the couple throwing the type/style party they want. (I think you can still think about your guests and try to make them have a fun time without trying to people-please everyone)

Everyone's wedding is different, everyone's wedding is beautiful. I think beach weddings are fantastic, and I LOVE indian weddings - SO BEAUTIFUL, but that doesn't mean I am going to do either....

FutureMrsBoucher · February 2010

Congrats, dear!

It seems that the matters have pretty much already been addressed, but just to say that I was in a similar situation with one of my BMs. She's my best friend and housemate, but when I got engaged and started sharing wedding plans with her, she kept trying to convince me that her way was way better than my way... and our tastes are completely different. I'm very traditional/classical/romantic/simple and she is very modern/modern/fashion-forward/modern. Haha! Anyway, I was tempted to ask her to step down, but I basically stopped asking her advice on things, and now if I have something to tell her about the wedding, I tell her, I don't ask her opinion.

Hope that helps and I know everything will be wonderful!

emilyinchile · February 2010

You said it was close between this girl and another friend. If you'd like the other friend to be a BM as well, please ask her. Uneven sides don't matter (I'm borderline OCD, and I am dealing with them, I promise you can too), but it will matter if you look back and regret not having one of your best friends with you just because you thought pictures should look a certain way. There are lots of photos in peoples' bios of uneven wedding parties that look great.

emilyhyman · February 2010

Put that chocolate down girlfriend!!!!

Vintagelove4 · November 2012

Wow you had some lucky picks for bridesmaids and MOH! Sorry about the sour-apply bm though, maybe kindly asking her to step down would save your friendship? The rest should be answered on the F&Q board. A wedding planner can also be an amazing stress reliever!

A couple of Newbie questions!!!

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