Funeral on my wedding day

sunshine609 · May 2010

I just found out that our bestman's father past away, and his funeral is on my wedding day. I'm really worried abou the BM (and H), they have been best friends for over 30 years
Is there anything i can do?? or is it to soon to say something at the wedding in memory of his father. I feel horrible for the family. He was a great man?
Our wedding is this saturday

andy71781 · May 2010

HFS - that sucks! So is your BM going to be there at the wedding? I feel like you have to say something or it would be weird.

danieliza1127 · May 2010

Oh that is terrible for your best man! How sad.

If he's not going to be able to attend the wedding, you could add something in the program. Or you could have your DJ say something, although a big announcement about him not being there because his Dad died would be pretty sad. I'm not sure what to do, if anything. What does your FI think?

sunshine609 · May 2010

Yes! he will be there. the funeral is in the morning and the cermony isnt until 5.
I think your right it would be weird if i didnt say anything

danieliza1127 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_funeral-wedding-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:09821162-465d-4d7f-885f-fde78c0f94d8Post:4e6853bd-225c-4ff4-8650-3934bff95800">Re: Funeral on my wedding day</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes! he will be there. the funeral is in the morning and the cermony isnt until 5. I think your right it would be weird if i didnt say anything
Posted by sunshine609[/QUOTE]

Please be sure you ask him if he WANTS you to say anything. He might not be comfortable, or he might be too sad. Whatever you are thinking of doing, be sure you run it by the best man and your FI first.

andy71781 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_funeral-wedding-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:09821162-465d-4d7f-885f-fde78c0f94d8Post:4e6853bd-225c-4ff4-8650-3934bff95800">Re: Funeral on my wedding day</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes! he will be there. the funeral is in the morning and the cermony isnt until 5. I think your right it would be weird if i didnt say anything
Posted by sunshine609[/QUOTE]

Wow he sounds pretty amazing. If it were me I'd make a contingent plan just in case he's not feeling up to partying/coming to the wedding - which would be horrible - but the death of an immediate family member is pretty freaking serious. I'm so sorry that this happened!

sunshine609 · May 2010

This man coached my FH in baseball and he is really shaking up by it. They have been friends for soo long. The programs are printed already, so i think i will probably make a speech. Just not sure what to say

sunshine609 · May 2010

Thanks your right i think i will ask BM IF he wants me to say anything at all. I'm soo worried about both of them. He was like a second father to my FH

kate51485 · May 2010

That is really sad, but great of him to still try to make it to your wedding too. Ditto Dani on checking with him to make sure he's comfortable with what you choose to do.

sunshine609 · May 2010

THanks milk dudes that is a great idea. I have enough time to do that too.

I just feel awful. Alot of people that are attending the funeral are also invited to the wedding since the families are so close

shellydiane820 · May 2010

Is there any way you could make it to the funeral in the morning? I think being there for him is far more caring than making a big statement in front of a lot of people who might not know him.

tdso008 · May 2010

I agree with the previous posts, talk with your Fiance and the best man first. It may be more appropriate to express your sympathies and appreciation privately with the best man.

It's wonderful that he's willing to celebrate your wedding on such a difficult day!

Femlin · May 2010

"Is there any way you could make it to the funeral in the morning? I think being there for him is far more caring that making a big statement in front of a lot of people who might not know him."

I'm really agreeing with shellydiane on this one... also, why wouldn't FI make a speech? Why you and not him?

sunshine609 · May 2010

Is there any way you could make it to the funeral in the morning? I think being there for him is far more caring that making a big statement in front of a lot of people who might not know him.

I'm going to try to find some people to go and help set up in the morning so i can be there. I'm sure that isn't going to be a problem.
I agree i think being there is more important, however there will be many people there that knew him.

sunshine609 · May 2010

I'm really agreeing with shellydiane on this one... also, why wouldn't FI make a speech? Why you and not him?

FI will want to say something, he is also at a lost for words and i wanted to try and help. You know. Do anything i can to make it easier on the both of them

shellydiane820 · May 2010

I'm just putting myself in the GM's shoes. If it were my dad, I wouldn't want a big announcement. I think it would be a little inappropriate.

Pirata13 · May 2010

Well wait, was he (the father) going to BE at the wedding? If not, I wouldn't make a big deal of it, it may make it uncomfortable for others. If you are doing any kind of intentions during the ceremony (i.e. a Catholic Mass where there are prayer intentions someone reads aloud) , you could add a special intention.

But if he wasn't going to attend the wedding, I think it'd be awkward to randomly announce that he passed and was buried that day, especially if the best man is standing right there.

kd.joseph · May 2010

It's nice to see a bride on here that is worried about caring for someone else on "their" day.
I would have FI ask his friend what would help him the most. His support at the funeral, and maybe still make a speech. If he wants it.

sunshine609 · May 2010

I think you ladies are right. I will talk to the BM to see what he says. If FI wants to say something then he and the BM can discuss that.
Thanks again

klreese0213 · May 2010

I'm just a lurker on the board. this is such a sad story

but i thought since no one mentioned this... maybe before the meal someone could say a prayer and take a moment of silence to the father. I'm assuming because the families are so close and you said a lot of your guest will be at the funeral a moment of silence would be approperiate.
I'm so very sorry for your loss.

katiewhompus · May 2010

At first I thought, just give him your condolenses and don't make a huge deal about it, assuming the other guests would just be saddened by a death announcement of someone they don't know.
Since it seems he was really close to your fi as well as many of the guests, maybe just pause for a moment of silence before the ceremony begins.

Fwiw, Dh's father passed away about 5ish years ago. After my dad walked me down the aisle the officiant said, "Could we please observe a moment of rememberance for the father of the groom, Alan lastname, who is watching the ceremony from the heavens above." We then played the Marine Hymn (both dh and his father are Marines).
The guests said they really appreciated the sentiment, along with the subtle touch to it.

Ginabean2011 · May 2010

I agree with klreese- if it were me and I just lost a close family member I think I'd would prefer a prayer and/or moment of silence rather than an announcement. That would make me uncomfortable.

The DAY OF my FI's stepsister's wedding, FI's aunt (not the bride's aunt, but close family member of about 30% of guests and aunt of one BM- who lived in the same house and was very close to the aunt) died very suddenly at about 3:00 in the morning. The wedding went on as planned but they had a prayer at the reception and I felt it was very appropriate. The BM and several other guests left the reception very early though, which was of course understandable. We all felt it was kind of them to come at all, given their loss, but they wanted to be there for the bride and groom as well.

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