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Moms and Maids

Dealing with ex bridsemaid

my (ex) bridesmaid is also my cousin, we had a HUGE fight over the phone and well lets just say she is no longer in the wedding... how do i cut the tension when we see each other.. and do i invite her to bridal shower, bachlorette party and stuff like that.. The biggest thing is that i am so mad at her for her over reaction and horrible words and i want her to know that her behavior is unacceptable and if she is going to act like that she will not be involved in our future family  with horrible random blow ups... i just don't want her to over analyse  to the family with lies... HELP!!! thank you!!!   P.S. we are a close family :(

Re: Dealing with ex bridsemaid

  • First of all, you do not do any inviting to those prewedding parties because you do not host them. If your MOH or someone else offers to throw you one and asks about said ex BM, you can then tell her she does not need to be invited due to your rift. Or you could have her invite her anyway, as an extension of the olive branch perhaps. 

    I need to know what was said and what all has been going down between you two lately before I weigh in on this for sure, but unless she said some REALLY ugly things about you or your FI, or tried to kill you or sleep with your FI, I'm probably going to agree with PP that you shouldn't have kicked her out. 

    Just remember, this cousin is your family. She is going to be your family much longer than your engagement and far longer than your wedding day. I hope you didn't get mad at her over something trivial. 
    April Siggy Challenge-Wedding Escape: Reading HG/dreaming about Peeta.... Image and video hosting by TinyPic Wedding Countdown Ticker Bio-Updated 4/22**
  • Speaking as someone estranged from her sister, but who still has to see her at family events...

    You "cut the tension" by avoiding her as much as possible.  You exchange the simple courtesies, then spend most of your time socializing with others at the event.  What she gets an invite to depends on how bad the argument was, what your personal history with her is, and the nature of the event.  

    If she was an ordinary jerk, you invite her to the wedding, and possibly any family showers, but likely not the bachelorette, or friend showers.   If this was a one time event, you should be prepared to change your mind if she apologises and changes her behavior, but you might not extend that offer if she has a history of this.  If you are ready to cut ties entirely, you invite her to nothing, and be aware that this may well burn bridges for a lifetime.

    It is harder to separate from obnoxious family than it is a dying friendship, so please think carefully.  It can sometimes be worth it, but it can also be a mistake you pay for for years.  I hope you make the right decision.
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  • i guess we both agreed i said if u cant handle things then maybe you spoke to soon... drop out if u want so i guess she made the finale decision

  • i did admit that i blew up when she was saying what she said but she was freaking over nothing... she has been cutting me down from day one and i told her we need to talk but nothing... i want to make this for the better and i just hope that it does not get worse
  • That's what happens when you kick someone out of your wedding party. You make things uncomfortable for all involved and run the risk of being considered a bridezilla.
    What was too much for her to handle?
                       
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