Vent (super long, sorry)

Re: Vent (super long, sorry)

• acejunket

  

  June 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_vent-super-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:9d043d4a-a09f-40d4-a769-ca79828be37ePost:210468e8-adb4-4054-93e9-09dbfb6c557a">Vent (super long, sorry)</a>:
  [QUOTE]<strong>I also feel that the value of family has diminished so much in our society and it makes me sad for the good people that are getting lost in the world.</strong>  
  Posted by Equine Osmosis[/QUOTE]
  
  I was kinda with you until this part.  This just makes you seem super judgemental.  They are not your family, so I don't see how their decisions have anything whatsoever to do with "the value of family".  One friend has said they will try to make the reception.  One has not even sent her RSVP yet so you do NOT know her decision.
  
  Are you friends with these women outside of the swim meets?  Do you go to the movies, go shopping, meet for lunch, confide in each other?
  
  Your son is 10.  I understand that gaining a step-father is a significant event, but do you really think a 10 year old and his friend are thinking, "I am so glad we can be together on this special day"?
  
  I'm sure they don't really think a swim meet is more important than your wedding, but of course they believe their own children are more important than your wedding.  And if they believe attending the swim meet is the best thing for their children, well then they are making the right decision for their families.

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• Zippy88k member

  

  June 2011 edited December 2011

  Totally agree with acejunket. You'll see this posted a lot on the boards: your wedding is not everyone else's most important day. It sounds harsh, but it's so true--life goes on for other people. These kids have made a commitment to their swim team, and their parents are teaching them to honor that commitment, as well as supporting them. In my opinion, these mothers are preparing their kids to have high family values, as well as a strong commitment to see a project through. 

  
  

  It's hard to see people RSVP no to a wedding and try to understand that your wedding is not the most important thing to them. I know this, but you need to keep perspective. This is your day, not theirs.

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• Equine Osmosis member

  

  June 2011 edited December 2011

  I know my wedding is not the most important thing to the rest of the world.  I'm not being a bridezilla at all, which is why I smiled and said "however it works is fine" instead of throwing a fit like some brides would.  Like I said, I was just surprised.  Sorry if it came off judgmental.  If it was harsh, it was my sadness coming across.

  
  

  I recently read something a priest wrote about family and how an important part of being a family is giving of yourselves outside of your own family life even though that may seem counter intuitive, sort of keeping things in perspective.  I see people become all consumed with kids' activities whether it's gymnastics, little league, band, etc.  And I truly understand as I have a child involved in activities, too.  These things are expensive and you want to get your money's worth and the most for your child from the activity.  However, I remember having to give up certain things that I loved as a child for special occasions even if they weren't special to me.  This taught me humility and that there are more important things in life outside of myself.  Now, I'm not so egotistical as to think that I'm the opportunity for this lesson to be taught, I just had this in mind when I wrote the post so that's where I was coming from.  

  
  

  There are many people who can't come because of prior obligations, etc., but I guess I was thrown off when I heard from my two friends about the swim meet since they've known the date for a very long time.  (Btw- even without an rsvp yet I know if they go, even for a half day, they'll miss at least the ceremony because of the timing)  I do hang out with them outside of the swim season (otherwise I may not have invited them) and see the one at school events.  My FI goes golfing with our neighbor and the two men took the kids for a ski weekend this past winter so we know each other well.  

  
  

  You both are right when you say that they believe they are doing the best thing for their families as they are very very committed to their children and they are truly very good people.  Only they know what is best for them.  This will not change our relationship, nor will I hold it against them in anyway.  Hopefully we continue to grow closer throughout the years.  

  

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• Equine Osmosis member

  

  June 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_vent-super-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:9d043d4a-a09f-40d4-a769-ca79828be37ePost:ba6c4660-ac11-4d65-9965-e171d49728da">Re: Vent (super long, sorry)</a>:
  [QUOTE]In Response to Vent (super long, sorry) :  <strong>I'm sure they don't really think a swim meet is more important than your wedding, but of course they believe their own children are more important than your wedding.</strong>  And if they believe attending the swim meet is the best thing for their children, well then they are making the right decision for their families.
  Posted by acejunket[/QUOTE]
  
  <div>
  </div><div>I forgot to say, good point and good to remember!  </div>

  

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• NOLAbridealmost member

  

  June 2011 edited December 2011

  I can definitely understand how if these ladies were your best friends or sisters or something that it would be very sad to have them prioritize a swim meet over a wedding.  But you made it seem like you were sort of casual acquaintances in your post. How close are you to these lades?  

  
  Fatty Blog

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• DFWIndian

  

  June 2011 edited December 2011

  Honestly, I see where you are coming from and I know where they are coming from. We had a friend at church decline because their son gets "fussy." They haven't brought the poor baby out around people for 6 months now. There have also been a million other reasons people aren't coming. They way I see it there will be a lot of other people who are there to celebrate with you. Concentrate on that and remember getting married is great! They'll share your marriage with you! A wedding is only a day a marriage, God willng, is a lifetime!

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• meep2 member

  

  June 2011 edited December 2011

  I didn't see this post until several hours after the last message, but I'm just wondering, why did neither of them consider having a teammate drive their children? My parents made it to most of my games when I was a kid, but sometimes they had conflicts. This was an understood fact between parents on our sports teams and the parents were good about giving other kids rides to games when parents couldn't attend. It was always nice to have someone there supporting us, but I do agree that some parents have gotten a little overinvested in amateur sports teams.
  
  I suppose that I'd be hurt, too, if I were you, but I don't have kids, and I suppose that I'd have to understand that they have other priorities than what I consider to be a big day. The message that they're sending (whether intended or not) is that they perhaps consider you to be friends by virtue of your children instead of just because you're close on your own. From what I remember growing up, those were different friendships. Either way, though, don't take it too hard, because I'm sure that they're wishing you the best and you'll still have a lovely day.

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