Friend trying to force her way in...

Re: Friend trying to force her way in...

• itzMS member

  

  January 2013 edited January 2013

  <div align="left">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_friend-trying-to-force-her-way-in?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:952221c2-80a2-4cb8-8024-f895749170d7Post:e93c33c0-0302-4fa6-ba27-ab7e87cee269">Friend trying to force her way in...</a>:
  [QUOTE]Is anyone else dealing with a similar situation? I have a friend who's honestly trying to force her way into my wedding. She's not being b*tchy about it, but it's almost like she's trying to guilt me into it! We only just got engaged last month and we've decided not to get married until September 2014, so nothing we've decided so far is set in stone...but I know for sure that this friend will not be in my wedding. Nothing against her, we just aren't the closest of friends and quite honestly, there are a fair few people I would choose over her. For one thing, she lives three hours away and doesn't visit my city that often. I haven't actually seen her in person for like two years! I have plenty of people in my life that are much closer/much more important to me - my two sisters are obvious, then I have two friends in mind who I wouldn't live without...who I see ALL the time! The friend who keeps bugging me about it has never even met my fiance! The day this friend found out we had gotten engaged, she says to me (via facebook, of course), "Congrats! I hope you'll consider me to be in your wedding." WHAT?! Who does that?? And I mean, like I said, she lives three hours away...and not only that, but she doesn't have a job and her and her family are tighter on money than I could ever imagine being (and even I am tight on money) - I'm not sure she realizes that when you're in someone's wedding, you pay for the dress and everything yourself. It's not like I would pay for her to come here and all the things she would need to be in my wedding - it'll be hard enough paying for my own wedding! And now, every time I talk to her, no matter what it's about...the conversation always ends up being about who will be in my wedding. I never tell her I'm thinking of asking two of my friends...I always just say my sisters will be my bridesmaids, and my fiance will only have two guys on his side anyway - to me that says "Sorry, but we're full." Then she says "Well, if you need an extra, you can ask me!" What?! No!! Problem is, I DO like having her as a friend...and as much as I like to think I'm capable of being a b****, I'm just not, and I can't say "I don't want you in my wedding." Quite honestly, she probably won't even be invited, because we're not planning on having a wedding with a bunch of people we barely know on the guest list. How exactly do I go about letting her down gently? This is endlessly frustrating!
  Posted by MRSreadcomicbooks[/QUOTE]
  
  1. Do not post anything about your wedding on Facebook/Twitter.
  2. If you want to get together with her and build up your friendship since you claim to like her, do so. Schedule a time to meet halfway for coffee or lunch. Don't talk about wedding things.
  3. Sides of a wedding party don't have to be even, so if you want her as a bridesmaid, ask her sometime in 2014. As a matter of fact, ask <em>all</em> of your wedding party in 2014. Lots of things can and will change by then.
  4. In the meantime, just respond with "Oh, FI & I aren't making any decisions about the wedding at this time. How's the weather?"
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• Peledreamsofrain member

  

  January 2013

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_friend-trying-to-force-her-way-in?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:952221c2-80a2-4cb8-8024-f895749170d7Post:ad09afa8-2b17-43ce-af01-75c03aaeedb5">Re: Friend trying to force her way in...</a>:
  [QUOTE]Tell her you are not making any wedding plans right now and change the subject (repeat as necessary).  When you DO choose your wedding party, just tell her it has been decided and change the subject.  Repeat as necessary. Good luck!
  Posted by Edie Bee[/QUOTE]
  
  <div>This exactly.  Unfortunately if she continues her outrageous streak of rudeness, even this gentle approach might not go over well.  Be prepared to stand your ground, or leave the conversation.</div>

  Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten
  
  
  
  
  
  

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• MRSreadcomicbooks member

  

  January 2013

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_friend-trying-to-force-her-way-in?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:952221c2-80a2-4cb8-8024-f895749170d7Post:b36f57af-309f-49d0-9050-1b233efee730">Re: Friend trying to force her way in...</a>:
  [QUOTE]In Response to Friend trying to force her way in... : 1. Do not post anything about your wedding on Facebook/Twitter. 2. If you want to get together with her and build up your friendship since you claim to like her, do so. Schedule a time to meet halfway for coffee or lunch. Don't talk about wedding things. 3. Sides of a wedding party don't have to be even, so if you want her as a bridesmaid, ask her sometime in 2014. As a matter of fact, ask all of your wedding party in 2014. Lots of things can and will change by then. 4. In the meantime, just respond with "Oh, FI & I aren't making any decisions about the wedding at this time. How's the weather?"
  Posted by itzMS[/QUOTE]
  That's the thing...I DON'T want to get together with her. I like her well enough...online. But we're not, by any means, close friends...nor do we have much in common, aside from the ages of our children. Even when I've been in her town, I've avoided telling her so, because there's no way I would stop hearing about how I was so close by and didn't call. I do have family down there, so I have plenty of reasons to visit the city...but her living there is not one of them. She is a friend, of course, but not a close one - and quite frankly, the way she's acting towards my wedding is just pushing us further apart. I just wish she would see that!<div>
  </div><div>Don't worry...I haven't asked anyone specifically to be in my wedding yet. I definitely won't right away. My fiance and I have talked about it, but nothing is set in stone at all. All I know for sure is that my two sisters will be there.</div>

  

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• MRSreadcomicbooks member

  

  January 2013

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_friend-trying-to-force-her-way-in?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:952221c2-80a2-4cb8-8024-f895749170d7Post:f9944289-d155-4791-973a-eefd8b21ce62">Re: Friend trying to force her way in...</a>:
  [QUOTE]Give her an etiquette book for her birthday. NO is not a four-letter word.  At this point, I'd tell her to knock it off. You've tried putting her off diplomatically, and it's not working.  Some people do have to be hit over the head with it. Or tell her about the great board you discovered called The Knot, and all the wonderful wedding planning tips for brides and their wedding parties.... we'll take care of her.
  Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]
  Ha ha! Thanks for the giggle! A small part of me hopes she's already here (she's been engaged for years) but I doubt it. :P

  

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