Long engagement turning short.. advice please!

J9andKev · May 2011

My fiance and I have been engaged for a little over a month. We orignally picked a date after he got out of the Marine Corps, which is in 2 years. We now know where he is deploying to in January. I can say that it's not a good place to be. He's worried that the unspeakable is going to happen and he won't be returning home. He wants to ensure that I'm taken care of if that does happen and suggested moving the date up 2 years (to this October). My parents are finally getting used to the idea that their only girl is getting married. What's the best way to tell them? Also, I want to get married in a church rather than just go to the courthouse. Is this possible? Do you think moving the wedding up is a good idea? HELP!

kyrgyzstan · May 2011

If he's worried that something unspeakable will happen, tell him to get on MOL (Marine Online) and adjust his RED (Record of Emergency Data). I am the recipient of FI's death gratuity, SGLI, pay arrears, absolutely everything except his remains. ETA: I am also the primary person to be notified. This means if anything bad happens, I know before even his mother.

DO NOT RUSH A WEDDING FOR SOMETHING HE CAN DO RIGHT NOW ON MOL. Seriously. You had a wedding date set, just stick with it. If you or he have questions about MOL/RED, page me, or ask in this post. I'll get the answer for you if I don't know it.

Also, honestly, an Afghanistan deployment is scary for those of us who stay home. It is. But the chance that something bad will happen is very, very low. FI has a dangerous, outside the wire MOS. Maybe your FI does too. But I know that worrying does nothing but turn me into a mess, so instead, I'm psyched for FI to go and do his job. It'll also help us contribute a lot to his SDP (10% interest, HECK YEAH) and snowball our debt. Look at it as a positive, as a combat deployment is also good for his fitrep, and increases his chance of promotion.

iluvmytxrgr · May 2011

I ditto every thing that Stan said. Before we were married, H had me listed to receive all of his payouts and he put me down for primary notification if something did happen.
If you absolutely believe this is the right time for you to commit your selves to marriage, go for it. However, the two of your original date for a reason. Think about those reasons. Are they really what is best for the two of you and your relationship? I honestly think that every military couple should weather a deployment before they get married. Nothing will test your relationship the way a deployment does. Trust me, H is on his 6th since we've been together.

kyrgyzstan · May 2011

According to OP's cross post on catholic weddings, they've dated through a previous deployment.

However, I still think they should stick with the date they chose, because like you, I think they chose it for a reason.

J9andKev · May 2011

I texted him what Stan said and now I'm waiting for his response (he seems intrigued). I had no idea I could do that. As Stan said, this will be our 2nd deployment together. We got a lot of quick thinking to do. Thank you girls for the advice! I really appreciate it. I'll let you know what we decide.

kyrgyzstan · May 2011

Seriously, I can walk him through editing his RED on MOL. Just let me know if you need the help. It's super easy.

SamiJoeB · May 2011

Is it possible to move a wedding up to this October and it still be nice? Absolutely, I believe Beachy planned her wedding in 5 months.. I waited until after I saw FI in September to really plan anything and I had a beautiful wedding with 3-4 months of planning. So It's possible. I think that it's a misconception that most military brides go to a courthouse.. I didn't, Shan, Beach, Kara, so many girls have had and planned beautiful weddings.

Now.. I'm with Stan and TX. You chose your original date for a reason. Don't move it up because of a deployment. Have your FI change his MOL/RED to make sure you're the first to be notified in case of an emergency (thats what it's there for) and plan your wedding with your original wedding date. Will being married make him come home any sooner? Will being married keep him any safer? Will being married make you miss him any less? Will being married ensure that he comes home at all? No, to all of those. Why jump the gun when, like Stan said, it's an easy fix. His SGLI, death gratuity, everything can go to you... JMO..

kyrgyzstan · May 2011

Heck, I'll just tell you how. Super easy. He logs into MOL. Goes to "Personal Info". Under the red colored bar that says "Personal Reports", third from the top, he clicks on "Record of Emergency Data (RED)". He can see everyone he currently has listed. If he wants to change it, he goes back to "Personal Info" and goes to the third red bar down that says "RED Updates".

He selects "Update Record of Emergency Data". He waits for it to load, then goes down to "Beneficiary (ies) Unpaid Pay/Allowances", it's in another red bar. He clicks the blue "Add New Pay Arrears Record". He puts your name and address, selects your relationship as "other" and chooses what percentage should go to you.For us, I recieve 100%.

Next of Kin Contact Information is up next. All he has to do is add new next of kin record, select you, add your phone number, and again, select your relationship as other.

Then comes "Beneficiary for Death Gratuity". Again, he adds you (your name, address, phone number, and "other" relationship, and the percentage).

Last is the "RED Person Authorized to Direct Disposition". That means his remains. It is the ONLY thing that has to go to a legal family member, unless none can be listed (i.e. no relationship, etc.). TBH, this is handled by a will anyway. No matter who receives the remains, a will should settle any disputes over what to do with them, funeral arrangements, burial location, etc.

I hope that helps, and you guys get married when you want, not when you feel you have to. Good luck, and feel free to ask any questions.

SamiJoeB · May 2011

Stan.. Did you do that from memory?

kyrgyzstan · May 2011

Heck no!

I wanted to really spell it out completely, so I logged in of course! Now I'm learning all about promotion. I love MOL.

SamiJoeB · May 2011

Haha.. I Love you Stan. I watched "Despicable Me" today, and thought of you.

kyrgyzstan · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_long-engagement-turning-short-advice-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:f6a6c60f-a3b7-4f18-aef0-95b2854d1660Post:43c491ed-6368-4451-9253-454e33b24668">Re: Long engagement turning short.. advice please!</a>:
[QUOTE]Haha.. I Love you Stan. I watched "Despicable Me" today, and thought of you.
Posted by SamiJoeB[/QUOTE]

<div>We watched it last night! </div><div>
</div><div>It was your cousin's idea! </div><div>WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?</div>

Beachy730 · May 2011

I have to say that I completely agree with the other ladies that he should just update his MOL/RED if the only reason you're rushing the wedding is because of that. Enjoy your engagement and your time together before his deployment, without having to worry about rushing to plan a wedding and spending all your free time doing that.

To answer your question, yes it is completely possible to plan a great wedding in 5 months. We planned our whole thing in 5 months when we bumped up the date. We had gotten engaged in November 2009 and were planning a wedding for New Year's Eve 2010. In February 2010 H got orders to WA (from NY), and we realized it would be more difficult than we wanted to plan a wedding from cross country and fly home for it, so we bumped it up to July 2010. Luckily we had already changed it because he ended up being deployed on NYE anyways. But we had (IMO) an awesome and perfect wedding. So yes, it is possible, but I don't think you guys should do it only for said reasons.

J9andKev · May 2011

Thank Stan! I talked to him about changing his MOL/RED. Hes going to do that regardless, but he also wants me to have the same health benefits and what not. We had a very long talk last night about the main reason he sugggested moving up the date. His reasoning? That he wants our life together to start asap and me getting the benefits are just an added bonus that he deems necessary. (Hes traditional and wants to take care of me.) The hardest part will be seeing if he can get leave. Again, thank you girls so much for the advice! I feel so much more confident about our decision now.

Long engagement turning short.. advice please!

Re: Long engagement turning short.. advice please!

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