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Destination Weddings

Invitations Dilemma

Hey ladies! I'm hoping you can help me with this dilemma...

A number of people that got save the dates have alerted me in the past couple weeks that they aren't able to make it to HI for the wedding, which I anticipated. However, I understand that proper etiquette is that everyone who received a STD gets an invitation so that's my plan. BUT, I'm torn because I know what the RSVPs will be for some and I don't want to make them feel bad for having to say no again. We'll be ordering invites this weekend... Did any of you face this dilemma? 

Note: We're doing a casual AHR but those details haven't even been thought of so we won't be included that info with the invitations.
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Re: Invitations Dilemma

  • I'm kind of in the same dilema. I know basically who is planning to come to the CA wedding - we havne't firmed up details on the AHR yet. I was originally planning to have somethign about the AHR in the invitation but maybe I'll just say AHR planned check our website. 

    Sadly I am no help to your dilema
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  • I sent invitations anyway, but I shouldn't be giving advice b/c only 4 RSVPs of the over 60 invites that went out came back...one was completely blank (no name, no boxes checked, nothing...but they did put a stamp on, over the stamp I had already placed!)

    And then FI hand delievered a bunch to his people at work and told the one's that said no from the beginning not to bother with send RSVPs since I know you can't go already...I didn't like that, but this whole invitation thing has been a fiasco!

    Sorry, I just made this about me :-(   I THINK "ettiquette says" that anyone who receives an STD should get the formal invitaion...although it's a waste of money in my mind, lol! Invitations aren't cheap!  As some of you already know, I throw the "ettiquette book" out the window a lot, lol!
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  • This is why I'm tempted to just send an e-vite :-p But I won't haha. I think what I'll do is send everyone an invite, but just include personalized notes for those that have told me they can't go. 
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  • The advice I was given and that I followed was to go ahead and send an invitation. Plans change, someone might change their mind and want to come. Someone might get an awesome tax refund and decide to use it :) Also, family members might appreciate the invite as a memento. 

    No one who told me early that they would be able to make changed their mind, but I guess you never know. 
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  • Well, I wasn't going to send one to everybody at first cause I thought it was a waste of money.  But I ended up doing so anyway. And like I thought it turned out to be a waste of money.

    Of the nearly 60 we sent out, I got 7 responses back. It was so annoying considering I put a stamp on each one!


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  • I am nt much help. I felt the same way as I didnyt want to make people feel bad for not going so I sent an announcement/save the date saying.... We are engaged and the date is set! We will join hearts in marriage at a casual beach wedding in the Dominican republic during an all inclusive trip may2-9th A reception to celebrate will be held may 11th Please visit our website for details on the resort and trip Website... In smaller letters at the bottom i put Those who wish to join us please contact (travel agent info) as soon as possible to place a deposit and ensure a good price. Then on lil tabs of paper i included Deposits are 125 to lock in a price and the trip needs paid off March 11, 2013 Not at all does it go along ettiquette wise but I knew who was and was not going this way I felt better nt making anyone feel obligated or guilty. I didn't do rsvp as I would know through the travel agent who did book.
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  • I'm sending out 120 invites - already knowing most people who haven't already booked wont be coming to the Bahamas. I have been surprised by who has called travel agent to inquire. We are going about this thinking "the more the merrier" so we just invited anyone we would want there. Our invites also include info about the AHR and they are both included on the RSVP. I'm hoping I don't have to hunt all these people down, because I really just want to know who will be at AHR! Maybe try to finalize some AHR plans then you could include it all on one invite? Mines just a backyard BBQ the following weekend. Good luck!
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  • Thanks ladies!!
    I feel like the AHR is a whole different beast. We're inviting only immediate family and close friends to the DW (my FI family is huge so with those perameters we're still inviting 70 people). Coworkers have expressed interest on when we have our celebratory party afterwards. Is it really bad etiquette to invite people to come to an AHR that weren't invited to the wedding (like extended family and coworkers)? We don't have a registry or anything, and the AHR would literally just be a low key BBQ and hanging out with some yard games. 

    Maybe I'm overthinking, but I have some very judgemental people in my life so I'm treading lightly for some aspects of this. 
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  • TerriHuggTerriHugg member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Comments 100 Love Its First Answer
    edited January 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.weddings.com/Sites/Weddings/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-theme-boards_destination-weddings_invitations-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Theme%20BoardsForum:54Discussion:576cc19e-ff24-429e-9a1b-0c68163d3967Post:0be0d53f-8a0b-4ba6-bf2b-5a8847e0d2e1">Re: Invitations Dilemma</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks ladies!! I feel like the AHR is a whole different beast. We're inviting only immediate family and close friends to the DW (my FI family is huge so with those perameters we're still inviting 70 people). Coworkers have expressed interest on when we have our celebratory party afterwards.<strong> Is it really bad etiquette to invite people to come to an AHR that weren't invited to the wedding (like extended family and coworkers)?</strong> We don't have a registry or anything, and the AHR would literally just be a low key BBQ and hanging out with some yard games.  Maybe I'm overthinking, but I have some very judgemental people in my life so I'm treading lightly for some aspects of this. 
    Posted by KateH2013[/QUOTE]

    <div>Technically it is bad etiquette to do that. But if you ask other boards on The Knot they'll tell you that an AHR is tacky regardless. Apparently, everything us DW brides do is tacky and bad ettiquette. LOL</div><div>
    </div><div> I say, ettiquette is nice, but you know your friends and family better than we do. So if you think many people will be bothered by you inviting them to the AHR and not to the ceremony, than don't do it. If you feel like most people probably won't care than go ahead with the invites. </div><div>
    </div><div>I know it's not much help but that's my two cents.</div><div>
    </div><div>Good luck!</div>
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  • I felt the same way about invites - I didn't want to make anyone who had already made it clear they couldn't come feel bad by sending an invite.  But we did anyway.  I figured its better to make someone uncomfortable by getting an invite when they won't be able to come, than to make someone think they are no longer invited. 
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