Is a Bridal Shower appropriate for a 2nd wedding?

devineh · May 2010

I am getting married in late July and have had many people ask me about having a wedding shower. I haven't intended on having one since I am not sure that a shower for a second marriage (we are both 40) is something that is tacky or ok to do.

Any advice?

kate51485 · May 2010

I, personally, would not do it.

andyandhillary · May 2010

Just decline if anyone offers, IMO. You don't want to look gift grabby (which is obvious that you are not).

ohwhynot · May 2010

I've declined all offers of shower. It just feels unseemly. FWIW, we're not registering, either, but that has proven annoying to some of our guests.

dazed2confused · May 2010

I would say no shower.

How long ago was your first marriage and how long did it last?

SparrowSong · May 2010

I think it depends. Was the first wedding 1 or 2 years ago? Or 20? How much overlap is there with the guest list that gave you a bunch of gifts the first time? Is it a second wedding for both the bride and groom, or just one of them? What's the feeling you're getting from friends/fam? Is it their idea to throw it, or are you the one coming up with the idea?

MrsHaH101010 · May 2010

I don't think I would do it. Simply decline any offers that are made to throw you one.

Trifury2007 · May 2010

I did not have a shower. It was my second wedding but my H's first. We are also both 40ish. We did register though since many of H's friends made it clear they wanted to purchase off a registry. My mom and sister however did want to do something so we had a cocktail party with a few close friends and family and there were gag gifts given. HTH

fallbride1109 · May 2010

I was 40 and it was my second wedding, but his first. My first wedding was 18 years ago. His side of the family insisted on throwing us a shower and although I tried several times to politely decline, I finally consented and it was wonderful and I was so happy I did it.

I think it depends on alot of factors like the PP said. If this had not been my husband's first marriage, I think I would have been more insistent, but then again, probably no one would have offered anyway.

pumpkinpumpkin · May 2010

I answered in your first post.

luckyme502 · May 2010

I think I am having a shower. It's my second and FH's first. My first wedding was 14 years ago, JOP. I have a feeling there are two people planning a surprise shower for me. I'm not worried about it.

Calypso1977 · May 2010

i think its inapporpriate to have a shower if you dont need anything - regardless of whether it is your first, second, third wedding.

the point is for folks to shower you with items you need for your home. if you already have a home established why do folks need to buy you things?

wadingmoose · May 2010

My SIL hosted a shower for me. It wasn't really your traditional shower at all, more of a way for me to meet people on that side of the family in the end. I received cards, only one of which had some money in it, the rest were just well wishes. Which was perfect because I would've felt completely awkward getting gifts from those people.

My in-laws really wanted to do something for me as a way to welcome me into the family more or less. Judge away, but I felt it was completely wrong to turn that down.

missy68 · May 2010

I was in the same situation as Moose. FSIL and her aunt (mainly the aunt) wanted to throw me one. I could only give them 4 names, all family, none of whom could come. FSIL ended up inviting 4 of her friends I did not know and turned it into a luncheon.
The aunt wanted to be involved somehow, since she couldn't travel to the wedding. I didn't expect any gifts, but a couple of them brought small things - candle holders, a small amount of cash, etc.
It was nice thought, and awkward at the same time. And yes, I did try to decline it.

tenofcups4me · May 2010

In general, I think it's inappropriate to have a shower for a second wedding, but there could be some exceptions depending on circumstances (like if it's the groom's first wedding, having one with his side of the family would be ok or if co-workers who didn't know you the first time around want to throw one, I'd be ok with that).

But I think it would be in extremely poor taste to have a shower with the same people who attended the first regardless of how long ago the first wedding was.

Is a Bridal Shower appropriate for a 2nd wedding?

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