Planning Frustrations

WinstonsGirl · April 2011

OK, so I'm quite new to this, but I'm getting quite stressed about it, and I"m not sure if this is all normal. I've been e-mailing a few hotels on Oahu that we're interested in, as they seem to have all inclusive packages that sound nice and easy to me, and they take weeks to get back to me. Is this normal?? Don't they want my money?? We're really interested in one and we're about ready to book if everything goes well, but I've been waiting close to a week now and nothing.

My Mom is also killing me with questions. She's never seen a DW before, only heard about them, and is quite traditional in her thinking until she gets a feel for things. She was surprised about us wanting to go away, but she's good with it now, but everything I bring up has a downside. I know she's just trying to make sure we've thought of everything, and it's also her trying to sort out how this will actually be a wedding if we don't follow the traditional ceremony, drinks, dinner, reception/dance but her questions are starting to get to me. She mentioned beach luaus with some hotels, and how will this affect our outdoor hotel reception if there's a big party on the beach. I said our hotel doesn't seem to do that based on it's website, but I think she's worried a 600 person monster party is going to appear 30 ft away on the beach and drown out our non-existant toasts.

Sorry for the long post, but I'm more frustrated with not being able to get anything done and starting to feel a little stressed over it. Thanks

Kendra

ESquared423 · April 2011

The only thing I can recommend is to call these places, I'm sure their e-mail inbox gets filled out up with hundreds of messages on a daily basis and they skim right over some things. In my planning (and everything else I've done in Hawaii) I've learned that e-mail is NOT the way to go with the people here and you have to be incessant with your phone calls...the term "Island Time" exists for a reason lol! Good luck, I'm sure you will get everything worked out. And tell your mom not to worry about 600+ people from a luau messing up your reception...that definitely will not happen. The luaus are all pretty contained in contained in certain areas (not directly on the beach).

Tanq&Tonic · April 2011

Agree with ESquared on the calling point. It is entirely too true. I've found that the phone somehow turns out to be a more effective means of communication than email.

As for the questions, what I found helpful with my family was to find wedding videos on Vimeo that resembled what we might emulate to help them get a sense of how it could look nice even if it wasn't inside a church, etc. I sent 2-3 sets of photos and another 1-2 videos to help them understand I was still planning a "wedding". Honestly, my mom was expecting surfboards and a beach shack until I showed her what I was trying to achieve.

Hang in there

We're all here to support you...and it'll be worth it in the end!

syoun · April 2011

eek...sounds like my mom. Questions...NON-STOP. In fact, I just got off the phone with her...she called specifically to talk about the wedding. I try to avoid all wedding talk when i'm on the phone with her to save myself from being all irritated for the remainder of the day. My parents are OLD SCHOOL and totally don't get the whole destination wedding idea! : P

Anyway, definitely call if you're ready to book somethingl. I've noticed slow responses as well when I was starting the planning process (mostly from hotel type places too).

destiny1108 · April 2011

We also got frustrated when we first starting searching on our own, but then decided to invest in a planner. Best decision we made, she was always able to get responses back from vendors within a day or two when we had waited weeks.

maui2011 · April 2011

I remember those days...as previous posts mention this is totally common and a wedding planner who is on the ball can most definitely help out. As well, calling your vendors versus relying on emails is most def the way to go in the beginning. Once you have a relationship developed with your vendors then email correspondence improves greatly. Keep your chin up...it will get better and Tanq gave you some great advice about showing videos and photos of the venues you are interested in...it will help them get a picture in their minds. Good luck! J. :-)

motoLyn · April 2011

I've only dealt with vendors on Maui, I would email them and I actually got responses back from most of them either same day or a day or two later. But I do understand the concept of island time so patience is key. I started off with emails,. and for those that didn't get back to me within the time frame I thought would be decent I called them. And they were fine with talking with me over the phone. Once vendor told me that since my wedding was further off he had to respond to the inquires that were sooner before they could get to me. Give them a call. Good luck!

sld0618 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_hawaii_planning-frustrations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:73Discussion:b8e1dc6d-5138-4ffa-8fe1-4cc9c16ec019Post:da8dfc77-bfcf-42a6-a36c-300345642855">Re: Planning Frustrations</a>:
[QUOTE]I remember those days...as previous posts mention this is totally common and a wedding planner who is on the ball can most definitely help out. As well, calling your vendors versus relying on emails is most def the way to go in the beginning. Once you have a relationship developed with your vendors then email correspondence improves greatly. Keep your chin up...it will get better and Tanq gave you some great advice about showing videos and photos of the venues you are interested in...it will help them get a picture in their minds. Good luck! J. :-)
Posted by maui2011[/QUOTE]

Ditto!

sparklegirl84 · April 2011

I completely understand your frustration, I'm not using a wedding planner and hate picking up the phone so I really struggled with slow email responses (I even gave up on one catering company based on their nonchalant email responses).I kept saying "well I guess they don't want my business" and moved on. I have had to make some phone calls but have also had luck with people that actually have emailed me back. Don't worry about a monster party luau invading your space on a beach either. Good luck planning, we're all here if you need help and my first couple months of planning were the hardest/most stressful, it'll get easier!

jtraczuk · April 2011

I can totally identify with this, to the point that I was documenting ALL my phone calls to every hotel with dates AND times. Talk about frustrating. I am from the northeast where everyones voicemail says "please leave a message and I will return the call within 24 hours" and on the 25th hour people are P O'ed when no call was received. Hawaii folks do not work like this...at all. I hired a wedding planner, problem solved. It is very very frustrating. I hope that people start responding to your calls/emails.

hotdognbuns · April 2011

this is so interesting to me. I am a strong believer in email and would plan my entire wedding that way if I could...mostly because then I have their responses and commitments in writing. I don't think I picked up the phone once to call a venue. I conducted my search online first then, used the web forms to have them contact me with any information I was looking for. I think the longest I waited was 2 days for a response and to me, that's pushing my patience. Like you said, if they want your considerable amount of money, they'll respond quickly...it's their job.

I remember the FASTEST and nicest respondent was Best Bridal, who manages the Hilton Hawn Village weddings.

If you are looking for specific contacts from hotels, I can dig through my stuff and get you email addresses for people who responded to me. LMK who you're looking at and I can see what I have. I only looked at Oahu locations, though, so I'm useless for off-island weddings.

WinstonsGirl · April 2011

Thanks everyone. I knew doing something would help the situation and we heard back from 2 places yesterday. One sent us tons of photos, menus, etc. and we've settled on them now, so just waiting till Monday to start booking.

We're not looking at a wedding coordinator at the moment, cos the hotel seems to be providing everything for now. We don't really care about flowers, centrepieces, etc., so when the hotel says the bamboo trellis has island florals, we were thinking, cool, flowers!! I guess it's pretty laid back and low key, so that makes planning it easier. We're hoping to just show up and have some tables and chairs and get married and eat dinner and watch some hula dancers. I'll let you know the details when it's confirmed. Thanks everyone for letting me vent!!

Kendra

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