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Need to Vent!

So the wedding is in 26 days. First of all, my FMIL is, and i do not want to be mean, but not the "brightest of the bunch".  My FI was giving her the rehearsal dinner invitation and she says "Oh, I didn't know we were supposed to go."  What rock was this woman living under?  

Secondly, she asks me what the job of an usher is at the wedding, so I tell her that they help seat the guests, etc.  So, she says "Oh i wanted to talk to you about that."  To make a king story short, she wants some of my family and friends to sit on her side of the church because she doesn't want their side to be empty while mine is full.  (I have a much larger, closer family than they do.....my family guest list for the wedding is about 75).  Of course I told her no, we are being traditional.  So she is mad about that.  My FI thinks she is whack job. 

Lastly, my FMIL and FSIL are arguing with me over their hair and make-up.  I made them appointments about 3 months (which my FI was supposed to tell them about) and they pitched a fit.  Not to be mean, but they do not have the best sense of style, etc,etc.....I told them the appointments couldn't be cancelled and that they do not really have a choice in the matter.  This is one of the only things I am being bridezilla about because I do not want any pictures ruined by them. 

Re: Need to Vent!

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    edited December 2011

    Sounds like you are being very reasonable when you are dealing with her! You should just laugh at her response to the rehearsal dinner invite. And you are being traditional by having your guests sit on your side, but you can't blame her for wanting to even things out. As long as she is not making a huge deal about it, just keep telling her that you are trying to be traditional and would really prefer that your guests sit on your side, even if things look lopsided (the cameras will be looking at you anyways, no one will notice the guests!).

    And I think you are being generous by scheduling their hair and make-up appointments. It is the most polite way of ensuring that they don't look like crazy people, and they should thank you for thinking of them. Stick to your guns, and make sure they go to their appointment!

    But in the end, don't forget that your wedding day is about your love for each other, and not about bad hair and makeup. (Although venting definitely helps you get rid of your frustration!) Your wedding will be here so soon, and you should look forward to it. I hope everything works out!

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    edited December 2011
    See, I think It sounds like you are being a little unreasonable. 

    Your FMIL is a grown woman. She should be able to choose whether or not she wants to get her hair done, period. You shouldn't be forcing her to do anything because you think "she doesn't have the best sense of style." You can suggest she come and get hair hair done and that you would love to spend the time with her, but ultimately it is her choice. Your pictures will not be ruined by their lack of professionally done hair and make up, I promise. And if their hair isn't up to your "standards", that in no way reflect poorly on you or your marriage. 

    And I don't think her request of balancing out the seating is a crazy idea. Why would you care? Especially to have some of your friends sit on the groom's side? Why does it matter? 

    I think you are stressing out over trying to control too much and should be keeping in some  of the "bridezilla" you were talking about. Just let it go. This woman is going to be an important part of your family for a very long time and you should be trying to work with her to make this a day everyone can enjoy. 
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    ladybug7485ladybug7485 member
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    edited December 2011
    I agree with Annie_warbucks. My FI's family is a lot bigger then mine so we are not doing "bride's side" and "groom's side". From a person coming from that perspective, it may make that side of the family feel bad when there's no reason to. I would consider appeasing her with this as it is not that big of a deal and I always think lopsided sides of the pew looks a little weird.
    Also, if you're worried about FMIL and FSIL sense of style, shouldn't you be more worried about what they're wearing? You can't require anyone to have hair and makeup professionally done and I'm sure that it's probably a bit insulting to them.
    Take a step back and consider things from her point of view.
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    Sparkette19Sparkette19 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree with Annie, you can't control what other people do. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink. If your FSIL and FMIL don't want to get their hair done, it's really not that big of a deal.

    Right now you're stressing out b/c you probably have a lot to do and you have a lot on your mind. That being said, you really don't need the added stress of worrying about what you can't control.

    I've been there. What saved me was that I FINALLY realized that it doesn't matter if so-and-so does this or doesn't. Pick your battles wisely.
    When you're born in Chicago you're blessed and you're healed the first time you walk into Wrigley Field. My Bio
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    Sparkette19Sparkette19 member
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    edited December 2011

    OH! I should also mention that I understand your need to vent. Everything is barrelling down on you and you're under a lot of pressure. Try to keep focusing on what you need to get done and that might help you to not stress so much on that other "stuff".

    When you're born in Chicago you're blessed and you're healed the first time you walk into Wrigley Field. My Bio
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    edited December 2011
    With the Church we got married at, the coordinator told the ushers to make both sides even. Of course, things were kind of chaotic at the beginning so people sat where they did  - we had more guests on our side, so it was more on my side than the other, but it was fine.  Really, when it comes down to the day, it's not going to matter who's side everyone is on as long as they are there.

    For the hair and makeup, I get what you're saying, but in that case, plus them being your future family, you should offer to pay if you are requiring them to get their hair and makeup done.
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_illinois-chicago_need-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:72Discussion:c3f02e30-eb45-4e23-bcce-fdef275062f2Post:125bdbc9-922a-4635-9ecf-c47ef6e522f3">Re: Need to Vent!</a>:
    [QUOTE]With the Church we got married at, the coordinator told the ushers to make both sides even. Of course, things were kind of chaotic at the beginning so people sat where they did  - we had more guests on our side, so it was more on my side than the other, but it was fine.  Really, when it comes down to the day, it's not going to matter who's side everyone is on as long as they are there. For the hair and makeup, I get what you're saying, but in that case, plus them being your future family,<strong> you should offer to pay if you are requiring them to get their hair and makeup done.</strong>
    Posted by beautifulnryan[/QUOTE]

    My FH as a very small family so my guestlist is 4 times his. We are not doing sides and I think that you are being very unreasonable about this. What is the big deal about where people sit? If your idea makes your FMIL uneasy, why not change it?

    As far as their hair is concerned, unless you are paying for it, you cannot make those decisions for people.
    And the whole time, my future husband was in the room...... image image
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    edited December 2011
    Thanks ladies...I think I just needed to vent more than anything :) 
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    edited December 2011
    I can kind of understand where you are coming from with the sense of style. My FMIL doesn't have a great sense of style either and I worried about it for a bit. Eventually I came to the conclusion that if she wears something ridiculous or her sparkly baby blue eyeliner (I wish I was exaggerating) everyone will just look at her like she's crazy, not me. If it's really really bad, I"ll just buy black and white family photos. We're 40 days out and FMIL won't tell me what she's wearing to the wedding, so I will just have to be in suspense.

    As far as the sides go, when we go to a wedding I do prefer to sit on the traditional side, but I have noticed that when guests seat themselves they just go for the side with the most open seats. I think that hte mixing will happen regardless of whether it's planned. I think that you'll have a few other things on your mind when you walk down the aisle and you won't notice who is sitting where or if the sides are even.
    Married on 8/7/10 My Bio
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    edited December 2011
    I agree with what everyone else has said here. It's good to have a place to vent - and sometimes to get back on track to what's important. Trust me, the day flies by SOO fast that these things won't be a factor at ALL in your wedding day. The day is about you and your fiance; all eyes are on you, not your FMIL.

    Good Luck! Remember to relax, and take every single thing in!!!!!
    imageimage
    Finally...we are Mr. & Mrs.!!! WooHoo!!!

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    edited December 2011
    OK...so now I am  a bit clamer about this issue, but everything is already paid for.....they didn't even tell me they were trying to cancel their appontments.....so needless to say, my FI is taking care of everything :)

    I don;t know which is worse "sparkly blue eyeliner" or jet black hair, 30 lbs underweight, white (no kidding) make-up and bright red lipstick (like the Thrill of Brazil OPI nail color) :)
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