Invitation Woes

KelStar84 · July 2010

So my fiancé and I are getting married on News Years Eve in Las Vegas. I am trying to figure out how to do our invitations as we are not really inviting anyone to the ceremony but leaving it open to anyone that wants to come. It is a big expense and a lot of our family have young children. The problem I'm having is how to word the invitation to convey that anyone is welcome but no one is expected. We plan to have a reception in April that we will invite everyone to. Any suggestions?

squirrly · July 2010

If you're not having a reception after the ceremony, you shouldn't invite anyone - open door or otherwise. If you are having a reception and would like them to attend, then invite them. You can't do a half and half thing. You also don't need to try to sort out people's budgets for them. If you want them to be able to attend, invite them. It's on them to decide what to do. Remember - an invitation isn't a summons. They're free to decline it.

KelStar84 · July 2010

I respect your belief that I shouldn't invite anyone if I'm not having a reception afterwards, but I strongly disagree. My question was not one trying to address proper etiquette in wedding and reception planning and invitation, but a question as to the best way to invite my family and friends to attend our wedding if they so choose but to convey that it is not a formal event with the standard timeline. As a moderator, I would ask that you respect everyone's individual styles, procedures, and answer the question being asked rather than providing a reprimand since it discourages others from providing opinions.

aerinpegadrak · July 2010

If you're eloping, you're eloping. If you specifically invite people to witness the ceremony, you MUST pay for some sort of refreshments for them afterward. It's not optional and it's not a matter of personal style.

You can probably let people know via word-of-mouth where the wedding will be held, but that's the extent of what you can do without risking serious insult.

We got married in Las Vegas and had 40 guests and a full reception. The people who couldn't afford the trip didn't go. There's no way to tell someone that they don't have to come without implying that you don't want them there.

KelStar84 · July 2010

Really?!? Who says? So if I have a ceremony that I invite people to are the wedding police going to show-up and haul me off for not serving drinks and hors d'oeuvre afterwards? Again, my question is not asking what I should or shouldn't be doing, but rather how to announce where my wedding is going to be and welcome anyone that wants to attend. But thanks for the great advice...no really I mean it!

aerinpegadrak · July 2010

The wedding police won't arrest you, but people will talk for years about how rude you were.

KelStar84 · July 2010

Seriously, in my lowly, undignified, and utterly wedding illiterate opinion, my family, friends, and the random person I announce it to on the street, are happy for me and my fiance that we are getting married and doing it the way we want to with the intent of feeding everyone and celebrating the fact afterwards. I would simply like a way of announcing, declaring, inviting, or otherwise informing everyone of our intent to wed. Thank you again for the great advice.

dawnmarie0627 · July 2010

If you are not really inviting anyone to the ceremony why not just send out announcements? You could just send everyone a formal announcement after you get back from Vegas letting them know that you got married and the date.

trix1223 · July 2010

Perhaps a cute l'il poem, because as everyone knows, cute li'l poems make even the most egregious acts permissable:

We're getting married and we wanted to say
That you're welcome to come and join us that day.
Come to the ceremony as we say our vows,
Applaud at the end (we might even take bows!)

There's just one thing that you'd better know
before it's off to Vegas if you should go.
There'll be no drinks, no food, no fun
'Cause after the ceremony, we are DONE.

So come it you want, or stay home on that day
We really don't care if you don't come to play.
It costs way to much for a big wedding bash.
And to be perfectly honest, we just don't have the cash.

Or, if you prefer, in haiku:

We're getting married.
You can join us if you want.
Or not, we don't care.

suz62984 · July 2010

Personally I think it is rude to ask people to travel to Vegas to watch you get married without having some kind of reception; however maybe you could just do invitations as normal with the "Formal reception to be held April __, 20__ at _location_." It will give people a chance to see what will be happening. They can decide from there whether they would like to travel to Vegas or skip it and attend the reception closer to home later.

Mr and Mrs.....
invite you to wedding of
____ & _____

at 5 o'clock in the evening

Vegas Location...

Formal Reception to be held
April ___, 2011 @ 6pm

Location...

squirrly · July 2010

I gave you my advice. Get an inexpensive sheet cake, mix up some punch, and host your guests in your hotel suite for 45 minutes after the reception. It doesn't have to be expensive at all. But, if you're inviting them to the ceremony, that rightfully implies a reception of some sort. To do otherwise will make you look like you just wanted gifts and not to celebrate or share the news.

If you want to announce your wedding after the fact and invite people to a local reception, you would mail your announcements the day of the wedding.

And, as a mod, I get to have an opinion too AND I get to share it, so long as I'm following the Terms of Service. I did. Check out the Rules/FAQ on the left if you don't believe me.

gottahavashorti · July 2010

All it takes to have a reception is a grocery store or homemade from a box sheet cake, a can of Hi-C, paper plates, plastic forks, paper cups and a hotel room. You've probably already got the hotel room, so you could have a reception for several people starting at $6 if you go to Dollar Tree.

Or get a couple boxes of Krispy Kremes and some lemonade and call it a day.

You can invite people to the wedding if you have a reception. Otherwise, note on the invitations to the formal reception that you were married on X date in Vegas.

tidetravel · July 2010

I think you all are being a little harsh, here. I really don't see anything wrong. OP is having a DW and an AHR later on for the guests that choose not to attend, which is a common practice. It's considered rude to invite guests to only the reception portion of a wedding, and not give them the chance to witness the ceremony. That's considered "gift grabby." While I agree that she should host SOMETHING on the day of the ceremony, if only cake and punch, I don't think that she deserves the flaming that she's receiving.

That being said, OP, I would word the invitation as Suz suggested, with the date and time of the ceremony and cake/punch celebration ( that I know you'll do,) and then the AHR later on.

aerinpegadrak · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_invitation-woes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:801cee31-43b6-4219-8ce5-f7daab0d4c61Post:106e1fc3-9374-440f-9ad9-585e5479713c">Re: Invitation Woes</a>:
[QUOTE]I think you all are being a little harsh, here. I really don't see anything wrong. OP is having a DW and an AHR later on for the guests that choose not to attend, which is a common practice. It's considered rude to invite guests to only the reception portion of a wedding, and not give them the chance to witness the ceremony. That's considered "gift grabby." While I agree that she should host SOMETHING on the day of the ceremony, if only cake and punch, I don't think that she deserves the flaming that she's receiving. That being said, OP, I would word the invitation as Suz suggested, with the date and time of the ceremony and cake/punch celebration ( that I know you'll do,) and then the AHR later on.
Posted by tidetravel[/QUOTE]
My problem with it, aside from not wanting to host something following the ceremony, is that she needs to either invite people or not. The half-assed "Well, we're not really having guests and there won't be anything for you, but I suppose you can come watch if you want" isn't going to go over very well.

tldh · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_invitation-woes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:801cee31-43b6-4219-8ce5-f7daab0d4c61Post:ec3dedcc-5164-4a8c-8d98-dfa73bafd2b4">Re: Invitation Woes</a>:
[QUOTE]Seriously, in my lowly, undignified, and utterly wedding illiterate opinion, my family, friends, and the random person I announce it to on the street, are happy for me and my fiance that we are getting married and doing it the way we want to with the intent of feeding everyone and celebrating the fact afterwards. I would simply like a way of announcing, declaring, inviting, or otherwise informing everyone of our intent to wed. Thank you again for the great advice.
Posted by KelStar84[/QUOTE]

No need for the attitude. If you post on these boards, people can and will comment and whatever you put out there. Learn to deal with it without throwing a hissy fit.

Kahalagurl · July 2010

Kelstar....don't listen to the meanies on this board...

Do most of the people know that your having your reception in April?

Im not exactly sure how you would do the wording, but just be very clear that you
are are just doing the ceremony in Vegas, the party will be in April. I don't think people will expect you to throw two parties. And you know, you guys will probably at least as a couple, do something fun and festive after the ceremony with whoever shows up. But in the announcement, just let them know they are invited to the ceremony. Party to follow in April.

gottahavashorti · July 2010

[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Invitation Woes : My problem with it, aside from not wanting to host something following the ceremony, is that she needs to either invite people or not. The half-assed "Well, we're not really having guests and there won't be anything for you, but I suppose you can come watch if you want" isn't going to go over very well.
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]
This, exactly. I have no issue with the DW + AHR. But there's really no way to invite but not invite guests while sending out something intended to invite but not invite guests. It's like hey, we'll kinda sorta but not really invite you and even if you travel for it we just don't want to thank you for attending in the slightest.

She might as well choose one clear option to convey to her guests:
- just invite them and host a very simple reception after the ceremony with a delayed AHR
- not invite anyone and just send out wedding announcements and AHR invitations separately
- not invite anyone and note in the AHR invitation that they were married on X date in Las Vagas, NV

It just sounds like she doesn't want to do that. It sounds like she wants to stick with half-inviting people but not hosting them at all.

squirrly · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_invitation-woes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:801cee31-43b6-4219-8ce5-f7daab0d4c61Post:28df36f8-2465-4cb8-b328-311c5a66e0ac">Re: Invitation Woes</a>:
[QUOTE]This, exactly. I have no issue with the DW + AHR. But there's really no way to invite but not invite guests while sending out something intended to invite but not invite guests. It's like hey, we'll kinda sorta but not really invite you and even if you travel for it we just don't want to thank you for attending in the slightest. She might as well choose one clear option to convey to her guests: - just invite them and host a very simple reception after the ceremony with a delayed AHR - not invite anyone and just send out wedding announcements and AHR invitations separately - not invite anyone and note in the AHR invitation that they were married on X date in Las Vagas, NV It just sounds like she doesn't want to do that. It sounds like she wants to stick with half-inviting people but not hosting them at all.
Posted by gottahavashorti[/QUOTE]

Exactly. Which is what I said to start with, but apparently mods aren't allowed to post unless they validate the OP. Fail on my part.

LD1970 · July 2010

"So my fiancé and I are getting married on News Years Eve in Las Vegas. I am trying to figure out how to do our invitations as we are not really inviting anyone to the ceremony but leaving it open to anyone that wants to come. It is a big expense and a lot of our family have young children. The problem I'm having is how to word the invitation to convey that anyone is welcome but no one is expected. We plan to have a reception in April that we will invite everyone to. Any suggestions?
I respect your belief that I shouldn't invite anyone if I'm not having a reception afterwards, but I strongly disagree. My question was not one trying to address proper etiquette in wedding and reception planning and invitation, but a question as to the best way to invite my family and friends to attend our wedding if they so choose but to convey that it is not a formal event with the standard timeline. As a moderator, I would ask that you respect everyone's individual styles, procedures, and answer the question being asked rather than providing a reprimand since it discourages others from providing opinions.
Really?!? Who says? So if I have a ceremony that I invite people to are the wedding police going to show-up and haul me off for not serving drinks and hors d'oeuvre afterwards? Again, my question is not asking what I should or shouldn't be doing, but rather how to announce where my wedding is going to be and welcome anyone that wants to attend. But thanks for the great advice...no really I mean it!"
The problem you're running into here is that there's really no good way to word the message you want to convey, because it's not a great message. I had friends who got married in Vegas. We all went, they took us out to dinner afterwards (they made reservations at one of the casino restaurants), and then a while later had an AHR in Boston. I went to both events. THAT is the way to do it.

aerinpegadrak · July 2010

One other thing she may have not considered is that most chapels in Vegas offer webcasting of ceremonies. We weren't in a chapel, but we setup our own webcast and spread that information to the people who weren't invited to Vegas (since we limited that to WP and immediate family) but who would be invited to the AHR. Of course, our webcast was kind of a fail because of a couple of technical issues, but it worked in theory. That way people who want to see the ceremony can, at no cost to them, and OP is under no obligation to provide any sort of hospitality.

But if you want people there in person, you have to buckle down and invite them for realsies.

tidetravel · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_invitation-woes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:801cee31-43b6-4219-8ce5-f7daab0d4c61Post:1c8da280-7612-4d63-8164-2fc30b11eb72">Re: Invitation Woes</a>:
[QUOTE]I respect your belief that I shouldn't invite anyone if I'm not having a reception afterwards, but I strongly disagree. My question was not one trying to address proper etiquette in wedding and reception planning and invitation, but a question as to the best way to invite my family and friends to attend our wedding if they so choose but to convey that it is not a formal event with the standard timeline. As a moderator, I would ask that you respect everyone's individual styles, procedures, and answer the question being asked rather than providing a reprimand since it discourages others from providing opinions.
Posted by KelStar84[/QUOTE]

Sigh. See. This is what I get for only skimming the thread. In light of this post, I take back everything that I said.

OP - the reason no one is giving you etiquette advice on how to properly word the invites is because there is not a way to do so without being rude. ANYTIME that you send a formal invitation to something, you're implying that you are hosting it. Therefore, you're implying that you will provide for your guest's well-being.

Let's say you decide to host a dinner party at your house. You send out invitations, either electronically or in the mail that say "Party at KelStar's house." As a guest, I'm going to assume that you're providing for some sort of refreshments/entertainment. If you ask me in person to join you for a party at your house, I'll probably assume that it's an informal get-together and ask what I should be bringing. See how that works?

CTGirl30 · July 2010

1. You need to actually invite guests if you want to let people know they're welcome to attend your ceremony. They will decide if they have the funds / vacation time / ability to attend when they RSVP. If you prefer NOT to invite anyone to your ceremony, then you and your FI are eloping and doing it just the two of you.

2. Assuming you don't plan to elope and do want to ask others to attend the Vegas ceremony, it would be the gracious thing to do to provide some sort of thank you for your guests who do travel all the way out to witness your ceremony. A reception can be as simple as you make it - cake & punch in the hotel room after, a dinner for 20, order pizza and have wine in the hotel room, etc...but it's rude to invite people to come and for those who do to offer them nothing afterward as a thank you for coming.

3. Since you're, in effect, having a DW then it's perfectly fine to have an AHR later since DW by default are smaller since it's tough for a lot of people to travel to another state (or country) then to go one town over, per se. So that would be absolutely fine. But you still need to offer a little something to your guests who do come to Vegas.

Invitation Woes

Re: Invitation Woes

Choose Another Board

Search Boards