Someone explain this to me

allychase · August 2012

So I see on here a lot that it's not okay to throw your own engagement party because it could be considered a gift giving occasion. But then whats the difference between that and a birthday party or housewarming party? Hell, in that case, you shouldn't throw your own wedding since that's where you get the most money. Sarcasm. But yeah, where did that rule come from? I don't see why you couldn't throw a party to celebrate being engaged. I personally didn't want one since were only going to be engaged a total of 10 months and thought itd be gift grabby to have that AND a shower plus the wedding within less than a year. Just wondering what etiquette says there.

allychase · August 2012

In Response to Re:Someone explain this to me:[QUOTE]The etiquette says that giftgiving events should not be thrown by the honoree. So yeah, that includes birthday parties. Personally, I think it's really wierd to throw your own birthday party. "Come out on the town to celebrate the glory of my birth!" Yeah, no thanks.I think housewarming parties are different. For one reason, no one else in theory can host a housewarming for you. It's also about receiving guests into your new home. So, it's more about the guests than you. Which is kinda like a wedding reception. Posted by cfaszews25[/QUOTE]

Good points. Puts it more in perspective

Gabrielle76 · August 2012

I think it would be rude to throw your own birthday party too. Housewarmings seem more about showing your friends your new place, and hosting them in your new house. A wedding is more like asking someone to do you the favor of witnessing your wedding, and then thanking them with a party.

Maggie0829 · August 2012

What Cfas said.

Personally I don't like to host any type of party that could potentially end in someone giving me a present, thus I didn't throw a housewarming party (I have only been to one and I felt like a douche because I was the only person who didn't bring a present).

GinaV0822 · August 2012

I think it depends on your circles. FI and I asked everyone to come to a bar for happy hour and hang out to celebrate our engagement. It's nearly impossible to get everyone together in the same place so we did it enough in advance that most everyone could make it. I'm close enough to everyone that was invited to say, this is just a get together to hang out and we happen to be engaged so let's drink to that!

I'm also getting everyone together for my 40th bday to see an 80's band. Just a fun way for us all to get together. Since most of my friends have kids they like to have a reason to get out and have a good time. A lot of us are turning or have turned 40 this year so I worded it in a way to celebrate anyone who had a birthday his year. Again, I'm close enough with those people that they know no gifts and that is in no way being done to be gift grabby.

This is just how we do things with our friends.

brittanycurtisjohnson · August 2012

I've always thought it very awkard throwing my own B-day. After I turned 18 and moved out on my own, it's kinda just been my FI and his family (mine was outa town) going to dinner, I never invited anyone either since they asked me if I wanted to do dinner.

We probably won't be having a shower or an engament party because no one would will do it for us (family is wierd idk...).

Meegles4 · August 2012

Personally, I never really thought about this before coming to TK. Cfas is right, but I actually don't see e-parties as huge gift giving events (same with adult b-day parties, frankly). For me, it's more about how AWish it looks to throw your own e-party. That's why I sort of side-eye it.

For some reason, housewarmings seem less AWish and even self-hosted bday parties don't always come across to me that way. In my circle, those are usually occasions to get together and chill and it's less about the honoree so I don't mind if the person hosting is the honoree. But, with e-parties I just feel like it can come across as "look at me and my fabulous wedding and it's all about me YAY!"

Also, for me, it really depends more on the person doing the self-hosting. Maybe that's extra judgey of me. But if you're someone who's usually an AW, I'm going to side-eye anything you self-host. If you're someone who's usually cool and just wants to celebrate? I'll get over it and not really judge.

emeejeeayen · August 2012

I tend to see most events thrown by a host to be about the guests. For instance, in NYC it's totally normal (at least with all of my friends and all of their friends; can't speak for the other 16 million folks) to throw your own "birthday party." But it's really just a, "Hey, I'll be drinking at this bar, come stop by if you can!" Who throws a legit birthday party after the age of 12? Well, actually, if I had tons of money maybe I would, but I'd do it because I wanted to see my friends and have a good time with them. What's wrong with that? I'd never expect gifts.

The world needs more excuses to celebrate. They don't need to be stuffy, and they do not need to include gifts. Celebrate your engagement. Celebrate your marriage. Celebrate the dog getting neutered. Who the eff cares?

I want to know who these people are out there who are like, "I have to go to a party where I don't have to plan anything and I don't have to pay for anything and I get to drink and eat for free; those rude b!tches!!" I want their names, I want witnesses that they've said these things, and I want proof of sanity.

SB1512 · August 2012

I understand why throwing your own e-party is frowned upon, but honestly, I feel like once you're past adolescence no one really offers to throw a birthday party for you. I know in my circle a lot of times a mass email gets sent out saying something along the lines of "hey everyone I'm turning X this year and would love to get everyone together to hang out. I'll be at X place at X time if you would like to join me." I think as everyone has gotten a bit older and we don't see each other as often as when were in college birthdays have become a reason for everyone to set aside a date and time to get together and catch up, it's more about that than the birthday person in our crowd.

Maggie0829 · August 2012

IMO, after 21 who really needs a true birthday party every single year? I think 21 was the last year that I actually celebrated my birthday with more then just my H. I think once you are older then 21 the only birthdays that require any sort of large celebration are every decade (30, 40, 50, etc).

I also have to agree with Meegles about when throwing your own party, no matter what the reason, is really AWish. I know most people probably aren't trying to be AWs but throwing a party for your yourself to celebrate yourself is a bit much.

jemmini6 · August 2012

I think throwing your own e-party comes of as AW-ish mostly because it's one of several events to celebrate ONE event, like, 'hey, come to a party now to celebrate the party we'll be having in a few months.' I just don't get them, but I've also never known anyone to actually have one, I've only heard about it on TK, so maybe that's why they seem so odd to me.

Summer2011Bride · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_someone-explain-this-to-me?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6788d789-c555-4045-bc92-4f64cbbd2771Post:063cb4e8-736a-49d6-99a4-898cbbadad53">Re: Someone explain this to me</a>:
[QUOTE]I think throwing your own e-party comes of as AW-ish mostly because it's one of several events to celebrate ONE event, like<strong>, 'hey, come to a party now to celebrate the party we'll be having in a few months.' </strong> I just don't get them, but I've also never known anyone to actually have one, I've only heard about it on TK, so maybe that's why they seem so odd to me.
Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]

I agree with that. I felt uncomfortable having three showers for the wedding (one at work, one for my side and one for H's side--all hosted by people other than me, obviously). But the hosts of the showers were really excited to throw them, so I went ahead with them.

We don't throw our own birthday parties or even have birthday parties outside of maybe getting together with a couple good friends for drinks or something.

We just bought a house and are having a housewarming party, but I'm not expecting to get gifts (and hope no one brings any). We're just really excited to show our friends our new house that we spent a lot of work on and to finally be able to host a BBQ in our own backyard. I see that as different from an e-party.

allychase · August 2012

In Response to Re:Someone explain this to me:[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Someone explain this to me:I think throwing your own eparty comes of as AWish mostly because it's one of several events to celebrate ONE event, like, 'hey, come to a party now to celebrate the party we'll be having in a few months.' nbsp;I just don't get them, but I've also never known anyone to actually have one, I've only heard about it on TK, so maybe that's why they seem so odd to me.Posted by jemmini6I agree with that. I felt uncomfortable having three showers for the wedding one at work, one for my side and one for H's sideall hosted by people other than me, obviously. But the hosts of the showers were really excited to throw them, so I went ahead with them.We don't throw our own birthday parties or even have birthday parties outside of maybe getting together with a couple good friends for drinks or something.We just bought a house and are having a housewarming party, but I'm not expecting to get gifts and hope no one brings any. We're just really excited to show our friends our new house that we spent a lot of work on and to finally be able to host a BBQ in our own backyard. I see that as different from an eparty. Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]

You'll probably get gifts and cards. We threw ours in April and honestly didn't even realize it was a gift giving occasion, thought maybe people would bring wine or something, but EVERYONE had a card or small gift. We were so surprised when everyone asked us where the gifts went, and we're all early to mid twenties and finishing college so we didn't think our friends could swing it. If all of your friends and family are more established, you'll probably get more.

gmcr78 · August 2012

We did the "hey, we're going to this bar to celebrate our engagement, come join us if you'd like" thing, not an official engagement party. Engagement parties in my circles tend to be like this, more of an excuse to get together out somewhere than an actual party that someone has to "host". Someone actually offered to throw one for us, but we declined b/c we didn't want to burden someone with an expense like that.
Birthdays are similar-with the exception of the milestone birthdays where usually the SO of the recipient throws some kind of get-together, we usually just pick a night and everyone meets out somewhere.
I never really even thought of an engagement party as a gift-giving event, until I came to TK and start reading this board. A few people brought us something, but for the most part people just came to celebrate, and that was it.

Someone explain this to me

Re: Someone explain this to me

Choose Another Board

Search Boards